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Have you met your Soulmate?

Updated on June 30, 2016

If you’ve ever been in an extended relationship, more than likely you have, even if you two eventually broke up. The concept of what a soul mate is has been largely misconstrued. A soul mate is not the ultimate person who you are meant to spend the rest of your life with (even though that concept does exist and I will explore that topic in another hub). A soul mate can literally been anyone- friends, family or that boyfriend (or girlfriend) who broke your heart 10 years ago. For the sake of conversation we’ll stick to discussing the subject of soul mates and relationships.

Soul mates are individuals who you are meant to be with, for a specific period of time, in order to learn more about who you are. Soul mates come into our lives to teach us a little something about ourselves that we were previously unconscious of. For example, you meet an amazing woman who you click with. You two have amazing four hour long conversations and have the same taste in music. You think she’s the one and you two begin dating and eventually marry. After three years, the relationship starts to become rocky. One day, something happens and she snaps. She throws your clothes on the front lawn, screams at you and tells you every little nuisance that she hated about you in a mean disparaging way. Her behavior was foreign to you and you then began to realize that this person who you thought was the love of your life really wasn’t the person you thought she was. On the outside she looks crazy and you wonder what ever made you fall for this person. However, on a subconscious level, something within the relationship triggered an unresolved emotional trauma and caused her to lash out.

This may sound like an excuse, but the reality is many of us enter relationships with baggage that we haven’t fully resolved from our childhoods. The relationships we get into help us expose that. They help us improve our inner self- our soul. Another example would be a man who may have had an overbearing mother growing up. She did everything for him and spoiled him. As he matured and became an adult, he unconsciously attracted a girlfriend who also mothered him. His girlfriend grew up in a large family where she was the oldest and played the mother role to her younger siblings. As the relationship progresses, she grows tired of being a mother figure and their relationship begins to suffer. Both individuals have unresolved emotional baggage.

Sometimes these issues can be resolved and a couple can spend the rest of their lives together. In other cases, the relationship serves it’s purpose and both parties must learn how they each contributed to the down fall of the relationship, develop self-awareness and move on.

In order to have an even better relationship than the last, an individual must admit to the role that he or she played in the demise of their last relationship. If you were angry or physically aggressive within the relationship, admit it and then reflect on why you may have been so angry. It can usually be traced back to your childhood. The break that happens after a relationship is important. Mourn your loss, but also reflect on the mistakes you made without playing the blame game. Sulking indefinitely and focusing on how the other person "did you wrong" doesn't contribute to your growth. Once you admit your mistakes, and make a conscious effort to change, you will eventually attract another soul mate who is more aligned with the new you. This will continue to happen as you work towards creating the very best version of you and align with a new soul who is on the same journey as you are.

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    • Brandi Stone profile image
      Author

      Brandi Stone 14 months ago from NC

      Hi @Kunal walia,

      One thing to find a soulmate is not to search for your partner everywhere whether to find yourself and not losing your own soul in search of your better half..

      My Response:

      I agree with this. Many people who get into relationships haven't really started the process of finding themselves. Some use relationships as a distraction for inner work. We unconsciously search out others to be in relationships with because something within the person we're looking for is something we lack or have a challenge with. Eventually, as we grow spiritually, emotionally and mentally we'll no longer seek a specific "type" of relationship or person. We'll allow it to naturally flow into our lives and it will.

    • Brandi Stone profile image
      Author

      Brandi Stone 14 months ago from NC

      Hi @dashingscorpio,

      If I say I want someone who is attractive, intelligent, personable, with a great sense of humor, enjoys traveling to exotic destinations, walks along the beach, going to movies, seeing plays, dancing, hosting BBQs and other activities....etc Do you mean to tell me there is only ONE woman out there who would fit that description?

      My Response:

      Possibly. This article described soul mates as people we get into relationships with for a purpose or a lesson that we need to learn. 8 times out of 10 they're not the ultimate person we're meant to spend the rest our lives with. If the above description is something that you also enjoy and would like those in a partner, it is very possible for you to meet someone who possesses those qualities. That individual would be called a Twin Flame. Twin Flames are essentially the other half of our soul. There are minor differences, and twin flames aren't exactly alike, but there is a unspoken balance that exists between the two.

    • dashingscorpio profile image

      dashingscorpio 14 months ago

      "The concept of what a soul mate is has been largely misconstrued. A soul mate is not the ultimate person who you are meant to spend the rest of your life with (even though that concept does exist ...) - Very true!

      Hollywood and books have romanticized the notion that scarcity of opportunities to love and be loved is what makes relationships magical.

      The reality is in a world with over 7 Billion people in it there are bound to be (millions of people) who have all the traits any of us say we want in a mate.

      I believe in "soul-mates" but not a "sole-mate" as if there is only ONE person out of the 7 Billion people walking the earth that would make an ideal mate for me and it's only by "a lucky chance meeting" that our paths will cross...etc

      That's completely utter nonsense!

      If I say I want someone who is attractive, intelligent, personable, with a great sense of humor, enjoys traveling to exotic destinations, walks along the beach, going to movies, seeing plays, dancing, hosting BBQs and other activities....etc Do you mean to tell me there is only ONE woman out there who would fit that description?

      The reality is we spend more time Excluding people than we do Including. If I say "the one" must be of my own race. Depending on what that is I may have just eliminated 6 Billion people sight unseen!

      If I say she/he must presently live in my country for example the U.S. I just eliminated 6.7 Billion people sight unseen. If I go onto say they must live in my state or city it's possible I have just dwindled it down to a few thousand people and that's all before we get to things like height, weight, education, occupation, personality traits. We then say our friends and family must like her/him and vice versa. Is there any surprise why people have such a difficult time finding love?

      Naturally the less "options" one allows for them self the more difficult it is.

      Any "shortage" of (good men or women) is manufactured by our exclusion process.

    • profile image

      Kunal walia 14 months ago

      As making it a thought of finding soulmate is just like a myth or a conceptional concept.

      Soul-mate "as the word itself is a self defining means of life". Soul which we can't even see and Mate is like a word of virtuality. The fact is to understand the reality of yourself being a self lover then only there is your soulmate. One thing to find a soulmate is not to search for your partner everywhere whether to find yourself and not losing your own soul in search of your better half..