- Gender and Relationships»
- Relationship Problems & Advice
Have you met your Soulmate?
If you’ve ever been in an extended relationship, more than likely you have, even if you two eventually broke up. The concept of what a soul mate is has been largely misconstrued. A soul mate is not the ultimate person who you are meant to spend the rest of your life with (even though that concept does exist and I will explore that topic in another hub). A soul mate can literally been anyone- friends, family or that boyfriend (or girlfriend) who broke your heart 10 years ago. For the sake of conversation we’ll stick to discussing the subject of soul mates and relationships.
Soul mates are individuals who you are meant to be with, for a specific period of time, in order to learn more about who you are. Soul mates come into our lives to teach us a little something about ourselves that we were previously unconscious of. For example, you meet an amazing woman who you click with. You two have amazing four hour long conversations and have the same taste in music. You think she’s the one and you two begin dating and eventually marry. After three years, the relationship starts to become rocky. One day, something happens and she snaps. She throws your clothes on the front lawn, screams at you and tells you every little nuisance that she hated about you in a mean disparaging way. Her behavior was foreign to you and you then began to realize that this person who you thought was the love of your life really wasn’t the person you thought she was. On the outside she looks crazy and you wonder what ever made you fall for this person. However, on a subconscious level, something within the relationship triggered an unresolved emotional trauma and caused her to lash out.
This may sound like an excuse, but the reality is many of us enter relationships with baggage that we haven’t fully resolved from our childhoods. The relationships we get into help us expose that. They help us improve our inner self- our soul. Another example would be a man who may have had an overbearing mother growing up. She did everything for him and spoiled him. As he matured and became an adult, he unconsciously attracted a girlfriend who also mothered him. His girlfriend grew up in a large family where she was the oldest and played the mother role to her younger siblings. As the relationship progresses, she grows tired of being a mother figure and their relationship begins to suffer. Both individuals have unresolved emotional baggage.
Sometimes these issues can be resolved and a couple can spend the rest of their lives together. In other cases, the relationship serves it’s purpose and both parties must learn how they each contributed to the down fall of the relationship, develop self-awareness and move on.
In order to have an even better relationship than the last, an individual must admit to the role that he or she played in the demise of their last relationship. If you were angry or physically aggressive within the relationship, admit it and then reflect on why you may have been so angry. It can usually be traced back to your childhood. The break that happens after a relationship is important. Mourn your loss, but also reflect on the mistakes you made without playing the blame game. Sulking indefinitely and focusing on how the other person "did you wrong" doesn't contribute to your growth. Once you admit your mistakes, and make a conscious effort to change, you will eventually attract another soul mate who is more aligned with the new you. This will continue to happen as you work towards creating the very best version of you and align with a new soul who is on the same journey as you are.