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Having A Happy Marriage: Making Amends
A Hard Knock Life
If you're in a marriage then you know one thing. Man or woman, straight, gay, bestiality, whatever, you know one thing.
You can wind up in the doghouse.
And, seeing as I feel like I spend all my time in the doghouse, I guess I could take a few shots at getting out of that little box.
Or cage... if you have one of the new prefabricated kennels.
But, where's the fun in that?
#5 Flowers and Chocolates...
This is the go too, isn't it?
Every guy who's ever had a girl upset with him has immediately gone for the chocolates and the flowers. And, it doesn't have to be their girlfriend/wife that's upset with them.
It can be your mother.
Anything along those lines.
Flowers are the first thing a guy reaches for, and chocolates are the second, when he sees the storm clouds brewing over his lovely ladies face. And, that's because it's a built in response. I don't know where it started (some historical thing that I either can't think of or don't feel like looking up right now), but from that point on it's been absorbed by the media. Sucked up into the swirling nexus of information, and implanted right into the male psyche.
Shit... She's mad... What do I do!!!
Go for the... Go for the... Go for the...
The flowers and the chocolates are a bad idea. Your lady is going to see that coming, and you'll be left standing and looking stupid when she feeds the flowers to her dog.
What you should do...
Poetry has long been the fall back plan of any who've been stuck in the doghouse. Poetry is the root of many other artistic forms. Your little poem could become a little love song. One you can use to serenade her as you stand below her window sill.
You could write a poem, a Shakespearean sonnet like the one pictured to the right. Or you can write a simple haiku. Even a freestyle poem would work. So long as you're able to put the whole of your being into that poem. Write it as if your life depended on it. Write it in the same way your love for her pours from your veins.
To My Cupcake
- Cupcake, my love of loves
- I find you each day
- Waking beside you
- My heart soaring at the sight of your smile
Something like that anyway.
PS: I'm bad at poetry. So, you might want to try something else like...
#3 Elaborate Plans
This is where we talk about the trail of rose petals that lead to a bubble bath with wine and candles and all of that.
Or maybe you're the type that sends your love on a scavenger hunt all across the small city in which you live.
Both of those are nice...
But, they're also problematic for people like me. For two reasons.
1. They get expensive.
2. Unknown and unwanted people might pick up on your little clues, ruining the whole effect.
And, I'll admit to being a little bit too lazy to want to come up with something like that. I've thought of it time and time again, but I never seem to be able to pull it off. It's like I feel I'll upset her more if things don't turn out just right.
Then there's the money too.
Let's try something else...
#2 Flowers and Chocolate
This one already appeared on the list once...
But, I've got an idea. We have elaborate plans right? But, we don't want outside parties interfering. So, why don't we set it up at night while she's in bed.
Get a dozen roses and make an arrangement. Buy her that bracelet or earrings she's been looking at. And, the box of chocolates... well, it makes a good platform for everything.
You can even throw in some poetry. Get a Hallmark card. It might not be as personal as writing your own poem, but she'll be able to see your love behind it.
Now, set it up where she's going to see it when she wakes up. Take pictures of it for posterity, then wait till she wakes up.
This method has worked very well for me many a time. But, I don't think it's the best way to handle getting out of the dog house.
The best way to get out of the doghouse is very simple.
Walk up to her, and take to one knee. Take her hand and look up into her eyes. And, count the blessings you see there on her face. Those little quirks that makes her, her, and the things that make you love her.
Count those blessings and tell her what they are.
Tell her you love her.
That you'll never leave her.
And, for God's sake, MEAN it.
What I need to do...
Now, I'm not sure if I'm in the doghouse right now or not.
I think I am. Mainly because of a little fight we had just before she laid down for bed. Though, it might not even be major enough to call it a fight. More like a casual disagreement. Anyway, I feel bad. And, I want to make things better.
I need to get my wallet and my car keys, and I need to pray Walmart has flowers this time of year.
I need to pick out a good card, one that speaks to me, and one I can customize a little with my own heart felt message.
I need candy. Chocolate covered cherries I think.
And, I need a nice place to set all this up.
Then, when she finds it, I'll count all the stars in the sky for her, to show her how much I love her.