Having the Sexual History Talk With Your Mate
How many sexual partners have you had?
That question is sticky. It can be a deal killer between a couple in a meaningful relationship. A LTR. Whether male or female, it is a touchy subject for obvious reasons. Both sexes hedge at truthfully answering it in fear that THE number of sexual partners may scare off a mate they truly are in love with. Some partners just avoid the topic and simply do not care. What happened before they met makes no difference, to others, it does matter. Maybe it is an indication how sexually loose the mate is, how trustworthy they might be when temptation knocks on their door. Maybe in this case, the best policy to this question is not to be 100% truthful with that number.
For new couples, on the cusp of love, this question will come up. Most seek to avoid it unless pinned down, even then, they may reduce the actual number. The issue becomes more acure for some when the dating occurs between empty-nesters, those 60 yrs. old and below. The sexual frequency in a person during their twenties is far more than in later life. But does it even matter?
In a recent poll of nearly 6000 persons, 50% of them did not want to know how many partners the mate had. Many when asked, simply refused to answer causing a chilling impact on the relationship. Only 3% of men and women refuse to disclose the number of sexual partners they have had after the first date. After things warm up, 30% of them will disclose the number of partners they have had, however, 21% refuse to give this information. The study's most revealing statistic is what many have known, that men think about sex in some form several times in a day- over 40% of the men polled did between ages 20-30 yrs. The poll showed that with older adults returning to the dating scene, men had twice the number of sexual partners than women did.
When the question does arise before sex occurs, most of those surveyed tell the truth. The poll showed than both men and women only lied about it (by lowering the actual number) 16% of the time. Another key statistic is that 57% of them did not want to know the answer. Is the number of sexual partners one has had over 20-30 years even matter? Would you think differently of the person you are in love with?
What is the average number of sexual partners? The most recent survey of over 13,000 between 15-44 yrs. old, was six for men and three for women. In another study strictly on singles, it was 14 for men and 8 for women. For many, it is just a number with little meaning because it was in the past and people change over the years. What they were like in their 20's has little to do with them now in the 40's or 50's. Many still refrain from discussing it much until the relationship is serious. Sometimes, it is better to approach the topic gradually over time if the other is uncomfortable about it. Would a response of 100 partners bother you as much if the person was 40, instead of 25 yrs. old?
It's just a number, right? Hmmm....