He Has A Cold And He Is Going To Die | How To Treat A Man Flu
Man flu is the sudden onset of flu symptoms upon a previously healthy adult male. One moment he will be a strong, active fellow slaying tigers and strangling crocodiles with his bare hands whilst bench pressing the Statue of Liberty, the next he will be lying in bed, crippled and moaning pitifully, convinced of his impending death.
How Do I Treat Man Flu?
Men suffering from the man flu will require bed rest, lots of liquids and boat loads of sympathy. They will often refuse medication, fearing that the medication will make things worse. Some cynics might infer from this behavior that they are actually enjoying langushing in their cold symptoms and do not want to experience an imporovement, but those cynics are cold hearted kill joys most likely destined for the life of elite CIA Marine assasin.
You may be able to coax a few liquids into the man by presenting them in an appealing manner. “Look at the pink drink! It will be good for you! Mmm, I am going to drink the pink drink!” Do not be concerned that this is a similar technique used to convince small children to eat food, a man with a cold reverts to somewhere between the ages of 6 months and three years old.
At all costs, the man with man flu needs to be kept warm and fed. Stock up on his favorite foods and make sympathetic noises as he at first rejects them because he feels so very ill, then celebrate his victory over the virus ravaging his body as he chokes down the hamburger / pie / cream donut he forgot he asked for half an hour ago.
Are There Any Severe Side Effects?
Yes. A man with the man flu may also experience man flu paralysis. This is a terrible condition which will require you to open windows, shut windows, adjust blankets, find his glasses and generally undertake the tasks he would normally be mobile enough to complete himself were he not dying.
How Long Does Man Flu Last?
The man flu usually lasts from one to three days, with symptoms gradually improving over time, with complete recovery often coinciding with the onset of the weekend.
Is Man Flu Catching?
Women cohabiting with a man may also contract the same illness as the man experiencing man flu, however she will very rarely come down with the same extreme symptoms as the man and may contintue to function entirely normally. Scientist have been unable to determine the cause of this intruiging phenomena.