ArtsAutosBooksBusinessEducationEntertainmentFamilyFashionFoodGamesGenderHealthHolidaysHomeHubPagesPersonal FinancePetsPoliticsReligionSportsTechnologyTravel

He Has A Cold And He Is Going To Die | How To Treat A Man Flu

Updated on May 13, 2009
Image from
Image from

Man flu is the sudden onset of flu symptoms upon a previously healthy adult male. One moment he will be a strong, active fellow slaying tigers and strangling crocodiles with his bare hands whilst bench pressing the Statue of Liberty, the next he will be lying in bed, crippled and moaning pitifully, convinced of his impending death.

How Do I Treat Man Flu?

Men suffering from the man flu will require bed rest, lots of liquids and boat loads of sympathy. They will often refuse medication, fearing that the medication will make things worse. Some cynics might infer from this behavior that they are actually enjoying langushing in their cold symptoms and do not want to experience an imporovement, but those cynics are cold hearted kill joys most likely destined for the life of elite CIA Marine assasin.

You may be able to coax a few liquids into the man by presenting them in an appealing manner. “Look at the pink drink! It will be good for you! Mmm, I am going to drink the pink drink!” Do not be concerned that this is a similar technique used to convince small children to eat food, a man with a cold reverts to somewhere between the ages of 6 months and three years old.

At all costs, the man with man flu needs to be kept warm and fed. Stock up on his favorite foods and make sympathetic noises as he at first rejects them because he feels so very ill, then celebrate his victory over the virus ravaging his body as he chokes down the hamburger / pie / cream donut he forgot he asked for half an hour ago.

Are There Any Severe Side Effects?

Yes. A man with the man flu may also experience man flu paralysis. This is a terrible condition which will require you to open windows, shut windows, adjust blankets, find his glasses and generally undertake the tasks he would normally be mobile enough to complete himself were he not dying.

How Long Does Man Flu Last?

The man flu usually lasts from one to three days, with symptoms gradually improving over time, with complete recovery often coinciding with the onset of the weekend.

Is Man Flu Catching?

Women cohabiting with a man may also contract the same illness as the man experiencing man flu, however she will very rarely come down with the same extreme symptoms as the man and may contintue to function entirely normally. Scientist have been unable to determine the cause of this intruiging phenomena.


    0 of 8192 characters used
    Post Comment

    • profile image

      Anon E Mouse 

      8 years ago

      Ummm Sorry Hope I find this account of Man Flu to be aimed at the wrong gender. I usually love your posts and have now read all of them I think. But I find most men in life that I know or have met to be like the black knight in Monty Pythons Holy Grail. I know I just don't have time for pain and suffering an have as a result landed myself in hospital on 2 occasions, but only after I collapsed and was taken unconscious. Most men I know will probably drop dead at work or doing the shopping and would rather walk on a broken leg than let their lawn get higher than 2 inches long.

      I find however that if I should accidentaly say something out loud like "I dont know what I did to my knee but it doesn't feel right" It is usually followed by the female voice "YOUR KNEE??? If only you knew hows my elbow felt you wouldn't worry about YOUR KNEE" Now I made the comment about my knee without looking for sympathy and fully intending to just take a hot shower and walk it off but it started a bout of "Womanitis" This is what I call it cause all the men and women I know, no matter what is wrong with the man, the woman has it worse. And you know its true cause they tell you so repeatedly in a louder voice so you know it. Yes apparently all men are deaf and stupid too cause we really need these things told to us Slowly at great Volume. My neighbour for example was walking very badly for a few months and his wife kept telling him (and the entire street) that there was nothing wrong with him. Was not until I saw his BLACK foot and insisted that he see a Dr that he found it had to be removed. Most men wont go near a Dr until they have tried cutting it out, taping it up, walking it off, burning it off themselves. And even then men only go under protest. Men dont say "I have chest pain" they say "Lunch isnt sitting to well today" then they drop dead.

      Womanitis on the other hand can turn the female runny nose into a week of soup in bed and talks about if the hubby would see other women or marry again when she is gone. Yes from runny nose to death discussions in a day or so. Makes a man really want to do the mowing & edges.

      On a serious note though.

      MEN dont be stupid, get your prostate checked and take chest pain seriously. Quit smoking and use disinfectant on cuts, not petrol from the shed. I am only finding these things out now in my advanced years.

    • profile image


      9 years ago

      Try this:

      Makes sense to me :)


    • Hope Alexander profile imageAUTHOR

      Hope Alexander 

      9 years ago

      lol, thanks triplet mom.... men seem to be remarkably similar on this front...

    • Triplet Mom profile image

      Triplet Mom 

      9 years ago from West Coast

      Wow Hope you must know my hubby all too well. Great hub!!


    This website uses cookies

    As a user in the EEA, your approval is needed on a few things. To provide a better website experience, uses cookies (and other similar technologies) and may collect, process, and share personal data. Please choose which areas of our service you consent to our doing so.

    For more information on managing or withdrawing consents and how we handle data, visit our Privacy Policy at:

    Show Details
    HubPages Device IDThis is used to identify particular browsers or devices when the access the service, and is used for security reasons.
    LoginThis is necessary to sign in to the HubPages Service.
    Google RecaptchaThis is used to prevent bots and spam. (Privacy Policy)
    AkismetThis is used to detect comment spam. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide data on traffic to our website, all personally identifyable data is anonymized. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Traffic PixelThis is used to collect data on traffic to articles and other pages on our site. Unless you are signed in to a HubPages account, all personally identifiable information is anonymized.
    Amazon Web ServicesThis is a cloud services platform that we used to host our service. (Privacy Policy)
    CloudflareThis is a cloud CDN service that we use to efficiently deliver files required for our service to operate such as javascript, cascading style sheets, images, and videos. (Privacy Policy)
    Google Hosted LibrariesJavascript software libraries such as jQuery are loaded at endpoints on the or domains, for performance and efficiency reasons. (Privacy Policy)
    Google Custom SearchThis is feature allows you to search the site. (Privacy Policy)
    Google MapsSome articles have Google Maps embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    Google ChartsThis is used to display charts and graphs on articles and the author center. (Privacy Policy)
    Google AdSense Host APIThis service allows you to sign up for or associate a Google AdSense account with HubPages, so that you can earn money from ads on your articles. No data is shared unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Google YouTubeSome articles have YouTube videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    VimeoSome articles have Vimeo videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    PaypalThis is used for a registered author who enrolls in the HubPages Earnings program and requests to be paid via PayPal. No data is shared with Paypal unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook LoginYou can use this to streamline signing up for, or signing in to your Hubpages account. No data is shared with Facebook unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    MavenThis supports the Maven widget and search functionality. (Privacy Policy)
    Google AdSenseThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Google DoubleClickGoogle provides ad serving technology and runs an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Index ExchangeThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    SovrnThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook AdsThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Unified Ad MarketplaceThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    AppNexusThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    OpenxThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Rubicon ProjectThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    TripleLiftThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Say MediaWe partner with Say Media to deliver ad campaigns on our sites. (Privacy Policy)
    Remarketing PixelsWe may use remarketing pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to advertise the HubPages Service to people that have visited our sites.
    Conversion Tracking PixelsWe may use conversion tracking pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to identify when an advertisement has successfully resulted in the desired action, such as signing up for the HubPages Service or publishing an article on the HubPages Service.
    Author Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide traffic data and reports to the authors of articles on the HubPages Service. (Privacy Policy)
    ComscoreComScore is a media measurement and analytics company providing marketing data and analytics to enterprises, media and advertising agencies, and publishers. Non-consent will result in ComScore only processing obfuscated personal data. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Tracking PixelSome articles display amazon products as part of the Amazon Affiliate program, this pixel provides traffic statistics for those products (Privacy Policy)