- Gender and Relationships
He May Like You, but Won't Say It
What's the longest you've liked someone before being in a relationship (or not) with them?
Throw Away Bad Advice Now
I've read thousands of dating articles, some of which were helpful but most that honestly I felt were unenlightened.
Liking someone is a fine art.
There are times when at first people have absolutely no interest in the one pursuing them, but overtime he or she may grow to liken this person. I've had men who had crushes on me for several years suddenly blurt out that they were in love with me, so just because he hasn't asked you out in a week, two weeks, or three years honestly doesn't necessarily mean he's not into you. In fact, each person is different with a completely different dating guideline book in their head, and sometimes they may just not be ready for a relationship, or confronting you about their feelings.
He May Not Be Ready... or Ever Will Be
There's a thousand different reasons he may not say anything.
Sure, broaching him with the topic may help -- then again, maybe he's not pursuing you because he seriously isn't ready whether he doesn't feel mature enough, though he has enough money, or enough time. Will these things change? Possibly.
Should you wait for him? I think that's up to you.
If you feel waiting is the best option you have plenty of time. You deserve a respectful relationship, and if that is what you want, than it is likely you'll have to wait one way or another. In the meantime, I suggest getting to know yourself better. If you're in the single landscape, then you don't necessarily need to spend all your free time dating -- that can drive you nuts. Instead:
1. Learn skills that you have always wanted to do.
2. Go on road trips!
3. Spend time with your friends.
4. The more you know yourself and can be fully rounded, the more likely you'll resonate with someone who is worth a relationship.
He'll Know When He is Ready for Dating
Only he can decide when he is ready and with who. If you want to tell him that you have feelings for him -- go ahead! I have found that when they are ready, they will definitely come.
And I've never had to bluntly ask someone if they would go out with me, but have found ways of attracting them regardless. Also... what is asking someone out in this modern age? If you want to go see a movie, go to a concert, or a ball game then just ask someone to go with you. It doesn't have to be a big deal or a romantic deal. You should be allowed to go to things without it having to be under the guise of pursuing a relationship. In fact, this whole asking out business... is mighty fine outdated.
Just go and have fun and don't worry about the pressure of it being a date or not, if you want it to be, then so be it, but seriously... not everything has to be about asking out mates or being in a relationships. This somewhat waters down platonic relations with men and women if they always feel there has to be an expectation.
Enjoy People Anyway
If you enjoy his company, then spend time with him.
Make positive impressions everywhere you go because you have no idea what is in store for the future. You may end up finding yourself in a relationship with someone you spent a random spontaneous night with three years ago. When the timing is right, you'll find yourself with the right one if you've been putting positive vibes into the universe and being your consistent sweet, funny, adorable, intelligent self.
Unrequited love is quite the journey... that many of us go through. In the meantime, don't be afraid if someone comes knocking on the door before he wakes up and realizes what a jackpot you are. I say take your time, be respectful and considerate when dating -- you don't need to go physical so quickly, in fact in relationships where the physical parts are held off longer, it has been proven the couple tends to stick together because they've developed strong communication and emotional skills. You don't need to explore your physical side until you know every shade of ice cream. If you're attracted to him and you can talk about sex openly with your own concerns -- you're probably on the right track. There's too much pressure to have sex early in society and there are a great deal of repercussions that we marginalize such as having STDs, unwanted pregnancy, unwanted abortions, broken emotional selves, baggage, poor relationships, missed opportunities for careers... the list is endless. If he is carrying a list with the number of people he's had sex with... seriously, girl, he is bad news. Keeping the number of sex partners you have low will be better for your overall health. And you want to be healthy for yourself and have a healthy relationship, right?
Romance Often Comes From Friendships
More often then not romantic relationships develop from friendships. Try being friends, then best friends, then applying romance. By then you'll have a steady foundation to build upon and you'll know each other's history... especially emotional history. Your relationship has hygiene and by trying to do things in an orderly manner, you're relationship will benefit from it (as will you). By keeping your head straight, you'll avoid physical and emotional abuse, poor situations to raise your family in, poor financial maintenance... I think you get the gist.
Your unrequited love experience will not last forever. This is only temporary, and as odd as it may sound -- enjoy it. Learn what you can from it. If your brain is trying to tell you that you have red flags, then don't dismiss them. Your heart wants for you to only find the best, and if you are willing you will find only the best.
Look for Your Best
And what is the best you say? The best is someone who cares about your spirit and emotions, someone who will be there when you are sick, someone who will stand by your side even when you are not at your best, when you're crazy with pregnancy hormones. He'll support you through and through; he'll make sacrifices on your behalf. He'll be invested in your children's lives and he'll provide what he can. Do you really want anything less than this? Why marry yourself to someone who doesn't treat you right? If he isn't being the right man for you -- then cut him lose. If he's more hindrance than help... just tell him to leave.
Back to the unrequited scenario, he may be intimidated by you. You may be far more gorgeous than he thinks he can handle or keep up with in fear that other guys may be better suited for you. He might not feel he is mature enough (or old enough). Some of these things he may have to workout on his own and feel like he has come up to your strength. Be open to communication, don't force him to communicate with you, but do be open to figuring out how to discuss any and all situations with the one you find of interest.
Life is beautiful and mysterious, and you deserve to share your life and go on adventures with someone who really deserves, respects, and cherishes you. Don't settle for someone who treats you like a stain on the couch... you're not helping yourself or anyone for that matter by being in a terrible relationship. If you're falling for someone who is but a fool -- then let them go. You honestly deserve the best in life.
Millions of Reasons
Often guys have reason why they will not date you for the time being and may in the future. This may have to do with their maturity level, working on job, focused time on school, or even just hanging out with the bros. Do not become dismayed if they do not have time available for you. There are others out there who may make for a more suitable boyfriend. Also, sometimes all you really need is some patience to help make things possible.
If your guy is seeing someone else and is giving you some attention and he tells you he is going to break up with the other girl or get a divorce, run away and never turn back. This is always a recipe that spells disaster, not romance. Is he still in love with his ex-girlfriend? Then back off somewhat. There's no amount of red lipstick and short black skirts that will be able to command any attention till he is over the first girl. And don't expect a physical relationship to turn emotional. You are more likely to turn an emotional relationship into a physical one.