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He Had an Affair: Why I Didn't Fight for My Husband

Updated on February 24, 2022
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Jade was in an abusive marriage with the biological father of her son who was also having an ongoing affair during their marriage.

Finding Out About My Husbands Affair

One and a half years into our marriage and a 10 month old baby later, I found out that my then husband had been cheating on me. I was broken. I was devastated not only for me but for my 10 month old son who didn’t even understand what was going on at the time.

At first I felt that it would be in the best interest of my baby if I tried. If I stuck around through the infidelity and made it work while hoping that things will get better and the cheating would stop. But I was soon forced into the realization that my husband didn’t plan on being a ‘1 woman man’ despite vowing to do so less then 2 years prior.

Deciding Whether To Leave Or Stay And Fight For My Marriage

Ironically enough, the very same reason why I considered staying was the reason why I chose not to fight . It was all about my son. My ex husband once referred to his infidelity when talking about my son. He said "he'll be even worse than me because of his good looks"... I didn't want that for my son. I didn't want him to grow up watching his fathers behavior and become the same twisted individual. My ex once also confided in me that he suspected his father was cheating on his mother again as he had seen messages indicating that his father was cheating as a teenager. It was clear that his behavior was likened to his fathers and likely influenced by it. I needed to be the one to break the chain. I couldn't let this be passed on to my son. I needed my son to see that it is not okay. By staying and accepting the infidelity I would be demonstrating to my son that it was in fact okay and alright.

According to world renowned psychologist, Dr Phil, a child's most powerful role model is their same sex parent. My ex-husband was not the role model I wanted for my son. I would rather my son maintained his relationship with his father, my ex husband, separately as opposed to it being one in a family environment where my son would witness how I was not treated right.

The Best Predictor of future behavior is past behavior
The Best Predictor of future behavior is past behavior | Source

Statistics: "If He Cheats Once He Will Do It Again"

A yet-to-be-published study by Denver University grad student Kayla Knapp looked at the relationships of 484 unmarried 18-35 year olds and found that people who had cheated on a partner in the past were 3.5 times more likely to be unfaithful in a subsequent relationship.


I Refused To Put My Sons Health At Risk

The risk was too high. At the time that the infidelity was revealed, I was still breastfeeding my 10 month old baby and knowing the risks involved regarding STDs and STIs, I didn't want to contract something from my husband and pass it on to my son. Even if I wernt breastfeeding I wouldn't want to contract something from my husband and have my son loose his mother to some illness.

Source

Contact With My Husbands Mistress

I never did contact my husbands mistress directly. Not because I was scared to. But because I always looked down on shows like The Jerry Springer Show. I was always the girl who said " I would never fight for a man. What's the point in fighting for someone who clearly doesn't love you enough or at all?"

I did have contact with her though without knowing it. She once came over to our apartment at about 1am in the morning too look for my husband who was our drinking with his friends. She said that she was one of his other friends sisters and her brother had sent her with a message for my husband. I'm not sure whether it was the fact that I was woken up at 1am and clearly still half asleep or my clear stupidity that made me gullible enough to believe her story. Nonetheless she looked horrified to see me as I opened the door s I am not sure what story he had given her about me.

After finding out about my husbands affair she made numerous posts on social media about me needing to leave them alone to carry on with their relationship and so forth. None of which I contacted her about.

I guess as the saying goes "never argue with an idiot they will drag you down to their level and beat you with experience". I refused to sink down to her level.


Would you fight for your husband / wife if he / she cheated on you?

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Do I Regret The Decision That I Made To Walk Away From My Marriage Without A Fight?

NO.

I stand by my decision 100% and I would not change a thing.

I believe that I made the best decision for my son and I.

Today I am married to an amazing man who loves me and my son more than we have ever been loved before. He is the perfect role-model and father figure for my son and treats us both with the love and respect we deserve.

I will not comment on the role my ex has voluntarily played in my sons life (or the lack thereof) but I will say that I thank God everyday for Blessing my son with the perfect father in my husband who he fondly refers to as daddy.

As a person I have grown a lot since the infidelity. My selfesteem had completely diminished due to all that went on in that relationship with the infidelity being the cherry on top. My now husband has also played a huge role in putting back the broken pieces of me and making me feel and see myself as beautiful again.

Make The Right Decision For You

Many people face infidelity everyday. Some choose to stay and accept the situation for various reasons while others know that they deserve better and choose to walk away. You alone as an individual can make that decision.

Just remember, you can't find the happiness you deserve if you keep yourself trapped in the unhappiness you may find yourself in.

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