ArtsAutosBooksBusinessEducationEntertainmentFamilyFashionFoodGamesGenderHealthHolidaysHomeHubPagesPersonal FinancePetsPoliticsReligionSportsTechnologyTravel

Heart of Flames and Ashes

Updated on May 3, 2013


You acknowledge nothing. Your heart is a giant void. You act as if this is acceptable, normal, even practical behavior. You wound me with every neglect, and have no difficulty doing so. I wish that the thought of being without me would obliterate your soul. I wish that the thought of being without me would cause your heart to explode into countless shards of pain tearing at your entire being. Even this amount of suffering would not compare to my own, but if you suffered so, it would mean that I occupied some space in your heart.


How do you walk around and not notice the savage suffering of my heart? With you, I see that it is possible to do so, but I cannot comprehend how. I am ripped into two pieces. Half of who I am allows this assault. Thank God for the half that still has the strength to reel myself back in, and acknowledge that I am on a path to death. I have been compliant in the unconscious plan to murder my own heart. I have played this game with you never fully understanding the devastating risk I was taking.


Selfish lover withholding love ~ you drain me of my love. To do so sustains some part of you while depleting me of a will to live and breathe and go on. You walk away, leaving me to drown in an abyss of NOTHINGNESS. Who were you to touch me, and steal years of my life with your affections, with never an intent to love me? You always knew that I loved you. You cannot tell yourself otherwise, for you know this is the truth. I was never a part of your permanant agenda. You placed me in your "lover" box, and excluded me from any part of your real life.


I bargained myself away for the cheap price of fleeting affection. I sold myself to the lowest of the low bidders. If I knew where this flaw lie within me, I would rip open my own flesh and remove it. I would cast it into a fire and watch as it died its painful death. Then, I would take its ashes . . . and lay them at your feet.


God help me for loving such a man.


© 2013 Bella Nina

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Comments

    0 of 8192 characters used
    Post Comment

    • Bella Nina profile imageAUTHOR

      Bella Nina 

      4 years ago from USA

      Thank you very much Rolly. I appreciate your comment.

    • Rolly A Chabot profile image

      Rolly A Chabot 

      4 years ago from Alberta Canada

      The centre of all our beings is the heart, once broken it is hard to repair. Stay strong Bella and as you rebuild you will be much stronger...

      Many Hugs from Canada

    • Bella Nina profile imageAUTHOR

      Bella Nina 

      5 years ago from USA

      Love should live free to express itself entirely, holding nothing back. My heart is so sad.

    • profile image

      Sueswan 

      5 years ago

      "You placed me in your "lover" box, and excluded me from any part of your real life." A toxic love. Love should not be contained but should be allowed to be expressed freely.

    • Bella Nina profile imageAUTHOR

      Bella Nina 

      5 years ago from USA

      "She laid her heart and soul right in your hand, and you stole her every dream and you crushed her plans . . ."

      Thank you always exploring for your kind and supportive words.

    • always exploring profile image

      Ruby Jean Richert 

      5 years ago from Southern Illinois

      Awesome write. I hope this vent makes you feel better. No one is worth this much hurt. Peace..

    working

    This website uses cookies

    As a user in the EEA, your approval is needed on a few things. To provide a better website experience, hubpages.com uses cookies (and other similar technologies) and may collect, process, and share personal data. Please choose which areas of our service you consent to our doing so.

    For more information on managing or withdrawing consents and how we handle data, visit our Privacy Policy at: https://hubpages.com/privacy-policy#gdpr

    Show Details
    Necessary
    HubPages Device IDThis is used to identify particular browsers or devices when the access the service, and is used for security reasons.
    LoginThis is necessary to sign in to the HubPages Service.
    Google RecaptchaThis is used to prevent bots and spam. (Privacy Policy)
    AkismetThis is used to detect comment spam. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide data on traffic to our website, all personally identifyable data is anonymized. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Traffic PixelThis is used to collect data on traffic to articles and other pages on our site. Unless you are signed in to a HubPages account, all personally identifiable information is anonymized.
    Amazon Web ServicesThis is a cloud services platform that we used to host our service. (Privacy Policy)
    CloudflareThis is a cloud CDN service that we use to efficiently deliver files required for our service to operate such as javascript, cascading style sheets, images, and videos. (Privacy Policy)
    Google Hosted LibrariesJavascript software libraries such as jQuery are loaded at endpoints on the googleapis.com or gstatic.com domains, for performance and efficiency reasons. (Privacy Policy)
    Features
    Google Custom SearchThis is feature allows you to search the site. (Privacy Policy)
    Google MapsSome articles have Google Maps embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    Google ChartsThis is used to display charts and graphs on articles and the author center. (Privacy Policy)
    Google AdSense Host APIThis service allows you to sign up for or associate a Google AdSense account with HubPages, so that you can earn money from ads on your articles. No data is shared unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Google YouTubeSome articles have YouTube videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    VimeoSome articles have Vimeo videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    PaypalThis is used for a registered author who enrolls in the HubPages Earnings program and requests to be paid via PayPal. No data is shared with Paypal unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook LoginYou can use this to streamline signing up for, or signing in to your Hubpages account. No data is shared with Facebook unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    MavenThis supports the Maven widget and search functionality. (Privacy Policy)
    Marketing
    Google AdSenseThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Google DoubleClickGoogle provides ad serving technology and runs an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Index ExchangeThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    SovrnThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook AdsThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Unified Ad MarketplaceThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    AppNexusThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    OpenxThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Rubicon ProjectThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    TripleLiftThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Say MediaWe partner with Say Media to deliver ad campaigns on our sites. (Privacy Policy)
    Remarketing PixelsWe may use remarketing pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to advertise the HubPages Service to people that have visited our sites.
    Conversion Tracking PixelsWe may use conversion tracking pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to identify when an advertisement has successfully resulted in the desired action, such as signing up for the HubPages Service or publishing an article on the HubPages Service.
    Statistics
    Author Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide traffic data and reports to the authors of articles on the HubPages Service. (Privacy Policy)
    ComscoreComScore is a media measurement and analytics company providing marketing data and analytics to enterprises, media and advertising agencies, and publishers. Non-consent will result in ComScore only processing obfuscated personal data. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Tracking PixelSome articles display amazon products as part of the Amazon Affiliate program, this pixel provides traffic statistics for those products (Privacy Policy)