When sleeping with a broken heart, waking up is the hardest part.
What hurts the most is talking to him on the phone like everything is okay.
But then, when you hang up, You realized he didn't say "I love you"... like he used to.
You took a deep breath and saw a drop of water on your hand. You look up above and saw it wasn’t raining at all. Actually, the sun is shining brightly. You look down again, another drop.
Then you realized, your heart is hurting. It’s hurting too much that it made your eyes drop the water-form of pain you’ve just saw.
Then the follow-up question will enter the scene. “Why?”
Why did your relationship fade? Is there something wrong that you did not know? Where did it start? The last thing you remember, it was just an ordinary fight – just a childish win-win thing you always done with him. No more, no less. Then you wake up one day and things change.
You stared across the wide horizon. Will I be okay without him in my life? Will I ever see him in my future standing beside me, for better or for worse? You send him a message saying “i love you” hoping he’ll respond with “i love you more”.
You just stood there, tears still flowing through your eyes on that phone call. And you wished that everything is just a dream, and when you wake up again, things will be back to normal.
Or should you say he’s back to being him – doing all the things you loved to do, whispering sweet nothings and always reminding each other that love is always there.
You remembered his hugs when you were sad, and now you feel empty and alone, as if all that matters are gone.
You feel that he’s not there anymore to block the sadness you were feeling. His laughs and smiles that melts your heart were now missing when he looked at you.
You tried hard to remember the turning point of all the things that is happening to your relationship right now. As far as you know, you always remember him every second of the day.
You always tell him you love him even if he doesn't respond anymore like he used to do. It hurts very badly but you just hide it with your fake smiles and fake laughs as if nothing’s wrong.
You wanted to let him miss you too but then, he’ll get angry again and your fight will start all over again. How you missed the real him.
You didn't realize that your tears were now overflowing. It stains your pretty dress he had bought as a gift. It hurts to think of the good ol’ days when your love is still on its fullest.
You looked at your phone to check if he replied. None. You refreshed it. None again. So you think that maybe he didn't saw it or maybe he’s busy.
You just make up reasons for you not to shed tears again. But as much as you forced your heart to be numbed, you just make it so vulnerable to pain.
So there. Wipe it now and go home. Maybe he’ll send you the “i love you” later on...like he used to do.
You slowly walked home with the big pain on your heart. You keep saying that things will be alright tomorrow. Maybe much better.
And until sleep overpowered you, there’s still no response on other side of line...
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