- Gender and Relationships
Have you ever loved someone so much that you ignored all the red signs that said WRONG WAY? You just couldn't let them go, in fact, they had to toss you away just for you to let go. Wanted them to come back so bad that you couldn't sleep because you know they will be there? Well this blog is about my version on the stages of heartbreak. I call it heartbreak 101. Once you know the stages hopefully it will give so idea of what your going through. I just want everyone to know your not alone. Heartbreak to this degree happens more commonly then we think. Your not crazy or insane. Read on the stages of heartbreak 101, i will give some advice at the end, of what you can do if your going through these stages. So won't have to suffer them so long privately hopefully.
Denial (stage 1)
You feel like this can't be happening or that the person will come to see in time they are wrong and come back. You hopelessly wait to get a response from them saying anything because you just feel if your talking that is good. You won't allow yourself to think about waking up knowing they won't be their waiting to ask you how was your day. You won't allow yourself to feel that you have lost a best friend and lover. You won't take it in that all those dreams you had of them will never even be possibly real now. This is the denial stage. You think to yourself if you let yourself feel the loss you will break down and swallow your pride. Reach out like a hopeless person to them and hope so bad they will say something. This is a very hard stage because the latter is true. You most likely will reach out to them if they don't. Self control be damned. All you really want is to know WHY and HOW they can just toss you aside knowing how you feel. This stage can go on weeks, months, days, years it all depends on how long you allow this to go on.
Anger/Pain (stage 2)
So at this point the person has all but just blown off every attempt you ever made to fix what happened. You don't see nothing not even an email asking how you been. So you get angry. You just hate how heartless they are being and decide to play it just as heartless. Your hurting, crying, wishing, dreaming you can change what happened in private. THE HELL IF YOU GIVE THEM THE PLEASURE OF KNOWING THAT! Instead you decide to fake being happy on every website or person you know who is associated with that person in anyway. You may even pretend that you found someone else just with the hope the sorry ass sees it and feels even an once of pain in their cold icy heart. This is stage two. The pain hurts so much when your alone that you decide to at least pretend to be as happy as they seem to be. You are just so secretly angry that they can't even notice you. Or give you the time of day to at least try to resolve things.
Relapse (Stage 3)
So in this stage you go back to in between stage 1 and 2. Your really still confused as to why nothing is working to make them see your pain. To make them see its worth trying and starting over again. So you start to reach out to them first peacefully to see if they respond, then if they don't with anger. You start to beg for them to understand. You start to think your going crazy. You want to stop but you simply can't. You try to make it go away but you can't. You just think maybe this real love and don't want to move on. Then the anger comes back when you don't get the responses you want because you feel you have done everything possible to make them understand. The pain is still stinging you may have even try drinking yourself to sleep, pills, hopefully not but if have that is common and still nothing won't stop the flood of emotions.
Acceptance/ Moving on (stage 4)
So finally you begin to accept that you have been border line crazy enough about this person and its time to just dust yourself off and move on. You accept that your actions were erratic and that you just wanted something that wasn't ever there. You feel almost a sense of peace knowing that after everything that happened between you too. It obviously was to some degree your fault for not getting off that train before it blew up. The hurt maybe there some but your using it to push forward and prevail. Sometimes the person you was so in love with have moved on or decided to let it be over. Then sometimes the person begins to see that your mindset has changed and tries now to reach out to you. To offer, a peace offering in hope they can keep your feelings at bay. This is the type of person you have to see for what they really are if you haven't already. They love the drama and love the fact that you are crazy for them. To make them self feel better they want to dramatize your emotions. If you accept their "peace" offering just know that it will happen all over again. The cycle will not stop. The minute they are unhappy with you again they will drop you like a bad habit without a second look just like they did before. So if you always want to be on edge to keep them happy and can bite your tongue on every attack forever then accept. If you want to be happy and free yourself from that then just don't reach out back. Ignore them like they did you. Who cares about there feelings.
Did you find this blog helpful/ or can relate to it?
In conclusion, final advice
My final thoughts and advice to you the reader is that if your going through these stages of heartbreak don't put yourself down. The most smartest people in the world have failed relationships and your not alone. Don't feel crazy for being in love. These stages are so common that it is almost obvious to everyone else. WHY? Because they have been through it before too. Maybe once, maybe a lot, but here is the best advice i can give. No matter what stage your in keep yourself busy as much as you can. Have down time? Watch TV or write down your emotions in a book. Or call someone you know and VENT. Yes it may seem like your being such a downer but if they love you enough they will listen and encourage you to keep your head up. Just remember: DON'T LOOK AT THEM ANYMORE, LOOK PAST THEM. That way your not dwelling on them, don't try to understand, don't consider how they feel, look past them at what you can have if you want it. Yes being single and alone is a bummer, yes dating again is a pain in the ass, but in the end it all pays off big when you find the one that will never leave your side. Even in bad weather between you too. Trust me it happens, we just have to first allow ourselves to believe it. Then seek it. Take this breakup as a life lesson if it isn't meant to be don't force it. Next time, read the signs and if it says wrong way or this is the path to hell get off! It may seem cold but your saving your self a lot of tears, and wild emotions. If at anytime you do try to kill yourself or hurt yourself, or want to kill that person, do seek professional help before it goes that far. That is very serious and you need a professional to help guide you to happiness. Thank you and please take the poll to give feedback or leave a comment. Or if you need more advice look at some offers below. :)