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Heartland:Code To Live By

Updated on July 14, 2010

When dating we are always focusing on each other… it about “how busy are you because I was thinking we could hook up for dinner…a movie…maybe go away for the weekend.”

            We try to synchronize our busy schedules in order to create some time to spend together because we are in love…and at the back of our minds we are thinking he or she could be the one.

            All of a sudden that game you never miss doesn’t really matter anymore because suddenly you have discovered Ti-Vo (something you had avoided like a plague prior to falling head over heels). The episode of the Bachelorette is not the most important thing anymore because you have found your bachelor.

            Bottom line is we are never satisfied of being away from each other…time becomes to precious, every moment away from our obligations is a blessing in disguise because it means more time to spend with each other.

            A few years down the line you are married and it’s the flip side of the coin…those moments you tried so had to find in between busy schedules are no more…suddenly things change from cookie and honey and sweetheart to…Mary…Lucy…Cate or to Tom…Dick…Harry.

            That vow to be supportive in every way changes to “I’ll get to it later…let me finish watching the game.” Or to “I am working this weekend” only you forgot that it was the weekend you had both agreed to have some “we” time; ironically its something you were meticulous about way back when….and its “I’ll make it up to you…I promise.”

            Overtime we become comfortable because we stopped expecting much from each other…we fall into a pattern. A pattern of work, home and bed faster than you can say, “how was your day?

            Later when the kids fly the coop you are back to when it all begun problem is instead of feeling all warm and fuzzy like it did…apprehension becomes the air we breathe. Rediscovering what drew us together becomes a scary thought because through the years we have grown…matured. Yes, you may still be the same person but experiences mould us, add onto what we had and we are wiser and more mature than we were.

            Only problem is, we forgot to constantly celebrate who we were becoming…celebrations became more focused on the kids accomplishments…their exams and sports and anything else but not the two of you.

            What we need to remember is that life is about celebrating everything you have. It’s about focusing on all the good things God has done for you…for instance having a woman who ensures the home is operating is reason enough to celebrate, a woman who even though had a busy and tiring day thought to stop by Victoria Secret just because she thought of you and how you make her feel; maybe your man ensuring that you never lack anything is reason enough to say thank you instead of feeling bad that he works a lot.

            And instead of just a kiss and saying thanks how about a dinner out or at home just the two of you and the main theme for it being appreciation…appreciating the fact that he always comes back to you at the end of the day…and if he is late he makes sure to call and let you know in advance.

            Appreciating the fact that even though you are complimented on how good you always look, God knows its your woman who makes it all work…from the clean clothes to restful nights without household issues to think about.     

            Appreciate the fact that they love you through thick and thin regardless of the drama that crops up every now and then, because in between those moments you are happy and contented and so in love.

            Just think for a minute and ask yourself….have you said thank you, have you said I love you not because it’s expected but because you really know that you do and they need to know it. Because saying it is more than just words to someone you are committed to. Because that is what commitment is all about. It not about assuming they know you appreciate them and love them but more about taking a moment to let them know that you really do.


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    • fred allen profile image

      fred allen 7 years ago from Myrtle Beach SC

      Awesome! After 19 years of marriage my wife and I continue to take the time to be alone. We constantly compliment each other and go out of our way to make the other feel special. My children see the love we have for each other and I am convinced they are so well adjusted because of it. We have some rough days but the are so far outnumbered by the good ones that they aren't even worth mentioning. Your advice is sound. I think I'm gonna flirt with her right now. Text messages are a great way to show you are thinking about each other.