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Help! I'm In Love With A Bad Boy!
Do You Have Bad Boy Blues?
Okay girls, let's be real. I know there are a lot of "bad boy" lovers out there. It's just a simple truth that most of us (if we're honest) have loved a bad boy at one time or another. That boy that had/has you hooked and your friends just don't understand it. I bet someone popped into your head at this very moment. Maybe he's someone in your past or maybe there's a text from him on your phone at this very moment . Either way, let's find out if you're infected with Bad Boy Blues.
Now there are some guys that are just classic jerks or just plain dangerous. Just like heavy metal music or dark chocolate, there are levels of intensity. Understand, I am not talking about guys that are in any way abusive. If they are, get out of the relationship. Case closed.
Let's talk about what I'm going to call The Type A Bad Boy. To borrow a lyric strand from Miss Swift, "I knew you were trouble when you walked in". Yea, that guy. You probably even warned yourself about him, but in the end you gave into his bad boy powers. Here are some distinct signs you're involved with Type A Bad Boy.
Signs You're Dating A Bad Boy.
1. He's complicated along with your relationship.
2. He's this intriguing blend of blatancy, recklessness, and vulnerability.
3. He infuriates you and makes you want to throw things. (Although, this one can hold true in most relationships.)
4. He's made you cry and question your sanity with his switching sides and seemingly "bipolar on steroids" personality.
5. You feel as if you're the only one that understands him and somehow can see something that no one else can see.
6. He makes you feel sky-touching high and ground-breaking low, sometimes within seconds.
7. You make a lot of excuses for him to friends and family.
The "I Must Be His Savior" Deception.
You feel as if he's flying down the wrong path and only you can save him from the crash. You have to don your cape and rescue that boy in distress. Some of this thinking isn't our fault. We grow up surrounded by plots and stories with surreal idealism.
Not only are we taught that men should rise up and be our knight in shining armor, we are taught that we are supposed to be the object of his inspiration. There are probably a million movies with that plot. The "bad boy" suddenly changes his whole life around and cleans up his act for that one woman. We all desire to be that woman that has something special...something that shakes up a man's world and makes him want to be better. This desire intensifies when we meet Mr. Bad Boy.
Keep This In Mind.
I'm not going to be your mom or disapproving best friend and tell you to cut ties across the board. Just hear me out on some things. I might be an optimist by thinking people can change, but still and yet, you cannot base a relationship on that hope. When in a complicated relationship, these things are always important:
1. Respect yourself and know your boundaries.
2. Despite your belief, he can get help from someone besides you.
3. Don't allow yourself to be controlled or consumed with the relationship.
4. Have social activities apart from the relationship. (And don't talk about him the whole time.)
Now, I know that matters of the heart can be confusing. Everyone deserves a chance at happiness. And everyone has struggles and problems to deal with (some more than others). You should never compromise your own chance at happiness by being consumed with his happiness. You need to give yourself time and space to think.
10 Questions To Ask Yourself.
Here are some very important questions to ask yourself. I think it makes or breaks your relationship depending on how you answer these questions. After you weather some storms, your bad boy could end up being Mr. Right. Your bad boy also could be the worst decision you ever made. It's up to you to figure that out. I encourage you to think on these questions.
1. Do you feel like he values you as a person?
2. Do you feel safe with him?
3. Are there peaceful moments in the relationship?
4. Does he put any effort into keeping you?
5. Could someone else make you happier?
6. Can you see him as a father? (If you're wanting a family in the future?)
7. Is everything always about him?
8. Do you feel used?
9. Is he faithful?
10. Is he there for you when you need him?
There are a lot of guys out there who would be considered "bad boys", but really aren't. I believe there to be many layers to a person. Many times the reason for reckless behavior, reluctance to open up, or commitment phobia is from a troubled past or secret fears. Many times a hard exterior and closed front are results of someone feeling very deeply and being hurt. Sometimes, they are actually very sensitive and have a very high ideal of what they should be. When they can't meet their own impossible standards, they give up entirely and feel like failures. So I will say this to you. Go ahead and be a strong woman, follow your heart, but don't forget to use your brain.