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- Advice & Tips for Men in Relationships
Helping Men Deal With Their Baby Mama Drama
What Is Baby Mama Drama?
Baby Mama is slang for a woman with whom a man has a child with out of wedlock. The Drama part is what comes along with the dissolving of any relationship, be it with kids or not. Some people just don't want to let go and move on. When there are children involved it makes moving on really hard because, you have to see this person, you have to talk to this person and you have to deal with this person no matter how much you hate them, they will always be a part of your life for the rest of your life. So who really wants to deal with Baby Mama Drama for the rest of their lives? Nobody! I'm writing this, so that I can help men better understand and deal with the hand they've been dealt.
So You Got Baby Mama Drama
Here's a list of just some of the issues men have to deal with when they have Baby Mama Drama:
You can't call to check up on your child without an argument ensuing.
You can't stop by to pick up the child without arguing with the child's mother.
There's always a demand for more money on top of what you're already doing for your child.
Your child's mother has a year round attitude about everything and nothing you do is right.
You can't have a relationship without her trying to start up mess and wanting to fight your significant other.
Threats of putting you on Child Support is a daily occurrence.
You can't have the child around people your child's mother does not approve of which consists of everybody.
The Real Reason Men Have Baby Mama Drama
I'm sure you're dying to know why most men have Baby Mama Drama. It's because men just don't understand women. Sounds simple enough, but that's just about the gist of it. I could go more in depth on that topic of understanding women but, we're going to focus on Baby Mama Drama right now. A lot of the Baby Mama Drama is caused by the man.
The man may not be set out to start any drama, but his actions towards the woman, be it positive or negative will set off a chain of events that forms a big ball of Baby Mama Drama. Allow me to explain.
A man meets a woman. They fall in love and make a baby together. They start raising that child together, but their relationship is falling apart. They decide to seperate, but co-parent the child. Their relationship is over and done. The child primarily stays with the mother. Dad stops by to pick the child up for his weekend visit. Everything is great. While the child is at Dad's house he meets Dad's new girlfriend. Mom finds out about the new girlfriend from the child and all hell breaks loose. Why? Because Dad didn't handle this the way he should have.
Dad should have told Baby Mama about this new lady in his life and informed BM how much this new lady means to him. He should have asked her if it's okay to introduce her to their child. The reason he should do this is out of respect for BM by not having someone she doesn't know around her child. It's simply a respect issue and she should do the same out of respect for him. As a parent, we are overprotective of our kids. We want our kids safe at all times and having them around people you don't know is not protecting them. I know you're wondering why should I have to tell her what I got going on in my life? From the moment you laid down and made a baby with this woman, she will always be a part of your life. A simple conversation can change a lot. You're letting her know that you are respecting her as your child's mother to keep her informed on any changes that can affect the child's life in any way. I'm not saying you have to inform her whenever you hookup with somebody. But if this new girlfriend is about to move in or if she's about to become your fiance or if she's just so important to you that you want to introduce her to your child, then find the common courtesy to inform your child's mother of your plans. She may not like the fact that you're moving on, but because you found the time to put her feelings into the equation can really mean a lot.
Understanding Your Situation
Baby Daddies y'all hold all of the cards when dealing with Baby Mama Drama. Whatever vibes you give off, the women in your life will react to it. If you keep everything positive and strictly focused on the child and doing your part, then everything should run smoothly. I know it's some crazy females out there and we're going to get to them, but I'm talking about you handling your situation.
Fellas if you got a woman pregnant and dipped as soon as you found out. You can't do nothing but expect a serious case of Baby Mama Drama. You didn't show up during the birth, you didn't claim the baby until the DNA test came back that the baby was yours. Now you're wondering why she's mad and giving you H-E-L-L! She has every right to. The most important thing a woman can be is a mother. During the most precious moments of her life you dipped and she was forced to go through the pregnancy and birth alone. Now she's facing raising a child alone. She's angry and the primary cause of her anger is you, but all isExampleYou can't change the past, but you can change the future. You have to go to this woman and you have to apologize for the past. She may not forgive you, but at least you apologized. That apology can go a long way when you're trying to raise a child together. Apologizing and letting her know that you'll be there for your child can go a long way. It can also mend a few fences too. Just stay true to your word and things should work out.
You Have Another Chick?
Fellas if you have a Baby Mama and you got another woman and they both are giving you hell. They keep fighting, arguing and you can't get no peace. You have to be a man and put your foot down. That fighting that the two of them are doing does not benefit the child in any kind of way. You have to sit each of them down separately and explain to them their role in your life as well as what the other person means to you.
Your Baby Mama, she needs to hear that you will always respect her because she is the mother of your child. She also needs to hear you say that you love your girlfriend/wife and that nobody is trying to take her child away from her. Explain to her that you've moved on, but you're going to always be there for your child. Just by telling her this, you're letting her know that the relationship you had with her is strictly focused on the child. Nothing more nothing less. That gives her the green light to move on with her life and find her someone as well. A lot of baby mama drama stems from lingering romantic feelings. By having a sit-down with your baby mama and informing her on how this ship is going to run and what positions everybody is going to play can really fix all of that Baby Mama Drama. You will be surprised how taking charge and being a man can put a lot of drama to rest.
You also have to sit your new girlfriend down and explain to her the amount of respect that you have for your child's mother and she should show her that same amount of respect if the two of you are going to be in a relationship. She needs to hear that your relationship with your Baby Mama is strictly based on the child. Nothing more, nothing less. If you don't tell her this at the beginning of the relationship, this will lead to her not trusting you when you go over to see your child. This will also lead to her thinking that she can come at your child's mother any kind of way because she suspects that the two of you are still hooking up.
You set the ground rules in the beginning and this should lead to a smooth transition. It is very important that you keep these two relationships seperate. Do not tell Baby Mama what your new chick said unless it's positive and vice versa. You'll be surprised how many men start fights between these two women, by gossiping like school girls. "She said you better not comb her baby's hair." If she said it, keep it to yourself and you comb the child's hair, now there, everybody is happy. The less negativity between the two, the more probability of them really coming together for the benefit of the child. You can't rush this process, you can only keep it cordial for the time being.
You're Still Sleeping With Your Baby Mama?
Fellas you can't keep sleeping with your Baby Mama and try to have successful relationship with someone else at the same time. You're asking for trouble and trouble is a certainty. Slashed tires, busted windows, threats of child support, threats of full custody and threats of bodily harm is what this will cause. You can't play with a woman's emotions and not expect some form of repercussions. Here's an idea, if you're going to sleep with her, why not just be with her. Problem solved!
You Got A Crazy Baby Mama?
Fellas if you have a crazy Baby Mama, that hates the ground you walk on and wants nothing more than to see you suffer for the rest of your life. If you have tried everything to work this out but it only leads to arguments and fights, then sometimes it's best to let the courts handle it. Sign yourself up for child support, go to court for visitation rights and be as good a father you can be considering the situation. It's very unfortunate that she can't put her feelings about you aside for the benefit of the child, but you have to do what you have to do in order to protect your rights as a father.