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Helping Others My Theory On Fire And Water

Updated on March 1, 2012

My Tongue In Cheek Rant About Giving Solicited Advice

Here's my theory about helping others - don't. F__k them. They don't want your help, even when they ask for it. People are full of s__t and the sooner you do-gooders realize that, the sooner you can get on with your life and help your damned self.

I don't care if someone is begging you for your advice. Don't give it. What they really want is to start an argument with you. Every step of the way they are going to resist any effort from you to impart some wisdom that you (you idiot) think that they think you have. Or else why on earth would they ask you for it?

Well you just don't get it. Nobody, but nobody thinks you are so darn smart that they are going to change their ways or start living their life according to something you spew out. No siree bob. They have just interrupted your own personal train of thought, inserted themselves into your life, and revolved themselves into your sphere to suck your stupid, pompous ass into their vortex, which is all FUBAR (f*ucked up beyond all recognition). Believe me. I AM RIGHT. I AM *ALWAYS* RIGHT. AND IF I AM NOT RIGHT, RIGHT NOW, I WILL BE.

So here it is. I don't give a hot damn if you are on fire and screaming for me to put you out. Because I know the minute I get sucked into your vortex of BS and throw water on your stoopid ass, you are going to tell me you didn't want my help. You like being on fire. As a matter of fact you set yourself on fire and like it that way. You would set yourself on fire some more if you could. You would add fuel to your fire if you could. As a matter of fact do I happen to have a can of gasoline on me? You like that burning inferno of the mess of your life that you made. You love it and you wouldn't change it for me, or anybody else, for the love of family because you like it just fine. Thank you very much.

So go ahead burn. I don't give a happy crap. If I see you burning? And you are begging me to put you out? I am going to roll my eyes and keep on looking in the other direction. 'Cause I ain't gettin' sucked into your vortex.

And anybody who reads this and doesn't believe me? Go ahead, give some solicited (not unsolicited) advice and count how many times you are contradicted and argued with. Then come back here and apologize to Ms. P. This is how you do it, you say, "I am sorry Ms. P, you were right." Damn skippy.

What are you waiting for? Go ahead try it. Then come back here because I have even more advice for you.

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