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He's Just Not That into You...No, Really...

Updated on June 21, 2010

Alright. You got me. Not only did I read the book, I saw the movie. And I liked them both...A LOT. So, what's the issue?

After reading and watching, I began to pay more close attention to women and their ways of ensnaring men...and was shocked. It's as if women woke up one morning and thought, "How many ways can I destroy my dating life and ultimate happiness?" Easy: you don't use your head! C'mon, ladies, did we really need a book to tell us to use our common sense?

Let's get one thing straight: I love being a woman. I love it, and I love my girlfriends and family members. Also, this is by no means an attack on men whatsoever. There are great guys out there, and exceptions...I know, I married one! This is just a general advice hub...take it or leave it.

Now, having (hopefully) made that perfectly clear, I'm going give you some girl-friendly advice, and save you your dignity, romantic well-being, and probably $10.00 on a terrible "how to" dating manual.


First Things First: Self-Respect

This is the most important and useful step. Period. Why are you lowering your standards for a guy you really don't know? Why waste the energy? The most important person in your life is YOU. And if you don't respect you, no one else will. So, do yourself a favor: do not, under any circumstance, compromise who you are, your values, and your self-worth. Don't put yourself in any situation that will test these waters, because you and you alone are going to have to live with the consequences. And trust me, a man who sees emotional baggage is not going to stick around and help you unpack it.

Setting Standards

It is absolutely, 100%, completely acceptable to have standards for the kind of guy you want. The key is that they have to be achievable, realistic, but also relatively flexible.It's not exactly 'fair' of you to be completely dead set on how much money he makes or if he smokes, you get the idea. Even so, don't settle for less. Do you have standards for yourself? You have personal goals that you want to reach, and it should be the same idea for your dating partner. Reasonable, but achievable.


But He's Not my Type...

There are things that we actively look for in a partner; you know: tall, dark, handsome, bad boys, accountants, body builders...the list goes on. But there are universal types to avoid as well, like, married men. Rarely does this kind of relationship work out. So be safe, and steer clear. Why bother when he's not really yours?

Also, a guy that never calls you back, makes no effort to see you, treats you in any way disrespectfully, or just flat-out makes you uncomfortable, yea, he's not your type either. A good idea to think about: if a guy likes you, he will make it known, and put forth energy to get you. It goes back to men being the chasers. They like going after something they want. Let them chase after you. That guy, he's your type.

Would You Rather Chase, or Be Chased?

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Adding To, Not Filling In

Guess what, and you've heard it before: YOU are solely responsible for YOUR happiness. Keeping that in mind, don't date a guy just because you're bored, or feel like he's 'good enough'...because that's settling . Being with someone shouldn't feel like they're just filling a hole or gap in your life. It should feel like an extra bonus, a great addition to your great life. It's not up to anyone else to fill your time, but it's awesome to have someone to go with you to that new movie...because they want to spend time with you.

It's true that all is fair in love and war. And lots of us can say that the dating scene is a giant battle field, but it really doesn't have to be that way. Just a little bit of confidence, common sense, and respect can go a long way. So, don't waste time with a bunch of Mr. Wrongs. Go forth, and be fabulous...because it will definitely pay off!



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    • Lyzzizzle profile image

      Lyzzizzle 7 years ago from Nashville, TN

      I agree with mostly everything in this hub. There's just one thing that bugs me....

      Guys, particularly shy ones, won't chase girls who they think aren't interested, no matter how much they like them. Guys that are afraid of rejection or ruining a friendship may not make the first move, even if they like you.

    • profile image

      RadioMan86 7 years ago

      The battle of the sexes continues!

    • profile image

      momsnomdeplume 7 years ago

      I agree with everything you've said! More common sense and sticking with the belief in self-worth would do a lot to improve dating--for both men and women!