ArtsAutosBooksBusinessEducationEntertainmentFamilyFashionFoodGamesGenderHealthHolidaysHomeHubPagesPersonal FinancePetsPoliticsReligionSportsTechnologyTravel

He's Raised His Fist BUT He Hasn't Hit Me.

Updated on March 8, 2009

I have been in this kind of relationship and I was even engaged to the guy. It took him up to 2 1/2 years before he raised his fist at me. But the rest of the time he was controlling me. I couldn't do this or that. I didn't look femaine enough. I wasn't allowed to leave a room when we fought; if I tried he would block the door with his body. If I tried to push around him to get out he would push me back into the room. I wasn't smart enough, I didn't say words or sentences correctly. If I used my accent he made fun of me and belittled me. If I was at home while he was at work, I was supposedly cheating one him. I couldn't go hang with my friends alone he had to come to make sure I was doing what I said. I wasn't allowed to cut my hair, dye it, or get tattoos. I was too fat, I needed to lose weight. This was all from a man that was 6 ft weighing almost 300lbs and heavy in size.

The night that changed the relationship from control and verbal abuse to almost physical abuse. Was the night him and I got into a fight while sitting in his car in a parking lot. At first we were talking, than voices got raised. I threaten to get out and walk home, I didn't care if it was raining I wanted out. Than he got out of the car. Than he got back in to the car. Than we started yelling again. Which at this time he started screaming get the F out of my car over and over. But I couldn't he had locked the car doors and I couldn't get them unlocked. Because he was holding down the power lock switch. I said something to him and that was when he raised his fist at me. Right than and there I knew, "HELL NO! He is not going to hit me!"

Yes, I will admit I went a little psycho on his ass. I looked at him my 5ft 2in 190lbs pulling all the strength and all the determination I had into me; I looked him square in the face and said, "Go ahead hit me, and I'll go psycho on your ass." I also had my cell phone in my hand ready to hit 1 (at that time 1 was for 911) "Hit me and I'll call the cops, call my parents, and have your ass thrown in jail. I'll press charges and take your ass to court for domestic violence."

There the fist stood in mid-air, his whole body shaking, anger raging in his eyes. I could tell he wanted to follow through with the hit, that if he did would hit me in the face. I wasn't backing down, I straighten my back, put as much aggression into my eyes as I could, my teeth were clenched. My cell was still in my hand. I was ready to defend myself.

Suddenly the tension in the air left and he knew I would follow through with what I said. I was no longer going to back down; I was done being his mat to walk all over. I had found my voice and I was going to learn how to use it from than on. After all the anger left him or at less boiled down, he took me home.

Of course our relationship was never the same after that night. Things only progressed to get worse. From that day I was the reason why he couldn't find a better job, I was the reason he had no friends, I was the reason he wasn't happy, and on and on it went. I no longer cared about the relationship, from the night he raised his fist me I was planning how to get out of the relationship.

I knew I was no longer safe. I wasn't safe during the whole relationship, but I kept believing things would get better, he would change, he didn't mean to do the things he did. After he raised his fist; I knew through the whole relationship I had making excuses for him, and not wanting to see him for who he really was.

After that day I saw him for everything. I knew the relationship was over and as I looked deeper into my heart I knew the relationship had been over for a long time in my heart. I no longer loved this man.

First I talked to my friends to see how they truly felt about him. Told them what happen and asked them what they thought I should do. I got their advice. I thought some more, than I went to my parents. I sat down with them (I was still living with them at the time) told them everything. Told them what my plan was and how I planned to break up with him. As all fathers when they find out their little girls have been hurt they want to hurt the guy back, but my father saw in me that I was ready to handle this. I was just wanting them to be there in case my bf tried to do something.

My plan didn't go as planned. But I did break up with, I didn't do it where I wanted. But I had a large group of people, that were there if I needed them. It went as I expected. He of course blamed me that the relationship didn't work out because I had been brain washed by my parents, I was playing mind games, and on and on it went. But the good and best part is that the relationship ended that day.

So what is the reason behind my story, you ask? Basically what I am saying is if your bf raises his fist at you, than he will and could hit you. All he's waiting for is a good excuse for the reason why he hit you, and than work on making you believe you deserved to be hit. So, if I were you, I would leave the relationship. Don't do it alone, have friends with you, have the cops number on your or your friends cell ready just in case. And if he has already hit you, and you have decided to leave the relationship. After you have ended the relationship or before even, got to the cops and find out how to be a restraining order on him.

I decided it was better to live in hell for a short time, than to live in hell for the rest of my life.

Comments

    0 of 8192 characters used
    Post Comment

    • profile image

      shelly 

      6 years ago

      hi i have been married for nearly 4years we have one babe boy, my husband has never hit me but he has always raised his hand to hit me, i don't know what do to, i feel like sometime he will hit me. please help

    • Denise Handlon profile image

      Denise Handlon 

      7 years ago from North Carolina

      Excellent hub. Bravo to you! I hope you did not experience any further harassment from him. You give some great survival tips here. Thanks.

    • AEvans profile image

      Julianna 

      9 years ago from SomeWhere Out There

      Nobody should stay with anybody who abuses them physically ,emotionally or mentally. If the do it once, they will do ot again. Go for you for dumping his behind. His insecurities caused his issues and I am certain that his up bringing played a part. You were a good woman you walked away as you are to important to stay in that. Love yourself and love will come to you, repsect yourself and respect will come to you and never ever settle for less!!:)

    working

    This website uses cookies

    As a user in the EEA, your approval is needed on a few things. To provide a better website experience, hubpages.com uses cookies (and other similar technologies) and may collect, process, and share personal data. Please choose which areas of our service you consent to our doing so.

    For more information on managing or withdrawing consents and how we handle data, visit our Privacy Policy at: https://hubpages.com/privacy-policy#gdpr

    Show Details
    Necessary
    HubPages Device IDThis is used to identify particular browsers or devices when the access the service, and is used for security reasons.
    LoginThis is necessary to sign in to the HubPages Service.
    Google RecaptchaThis is used to prevent bots and spam. (Privacy Policy)
    AkismetThis is used to detect comment spam. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide data on traffic to our website, all personally identifyable data is anonymized. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Traffic PixelThis is used to collect data on traffic to articles and other pages on our site. Unless you are signed in to a HubPages account, all personally identifiable information is anonymized.
    Amazon Web ServicesThis is a cloud services platform that we used to host our service. (Privacy Policy)
    CloudflareThis is a cloud CDN service that we use to efficiently deliver files required for our service to operate such as javascript, cascading style sheets, images, and videos. (Privacy Policy)
    Google Hosted LibrariesJavascript software libraries such as jQuery are loaded at endpoints on the googleapis.com or gstatic.com domains, for performance and efficiency reasons. (Privacy Policy)
    Features
    Google Custom SearchThis is feature allows you to search the site. (Privacy Policy)
    Google MapsSome articles have Google Maps embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    Google ChartsThis is used to display charts and graphs on articles and the author center. (Privacy Policy)
    Google AdSense Host APIThis service allows you to sign up for or associate a Google AdSense account with HubPages, so that you can earn money from ads on your articles. No data is shared unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Google YouTubeSome articles have YouTube videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    VimeoSome articles have Vimeo videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    PaypalThis is used for a registered author who enrolls in the HubPages Earnings program and requests to be paid via PayPal. No data is shared with Paypal unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook LoginYou can use this to streamline signing up for, or signing in to your Hubpages account. No data is shared with Facebook unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    MavenThis supports the Maven widget and search functionality. (Privacy Policy)
    Marketing
    Google AdSenseThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Google DoubleClickGoogle provides ad serving technology and runs an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Index ExchangeThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    SovrnThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook AdsThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Unified Ad MarketplaceThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    AppNexusThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    OpenxThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Rubicon ProjectThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    TripleLiftThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Say MediaWe partner with Say Media to deliver ad campaigns on our sites. (Privacy Policy)
    Remarketing PixelsWe may use remarketing pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to advertise the HubPages Service to people that have visited our sites.
    Conversion Tracking PixelsWe may use conversion tracking pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to identify when an advertisement has successfully resulted in the desired action, such as signing up for the HubPages Service or publishing an article on the HubPages Service.
    Statistics
    Author Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide traffic data and reports to the authors of articles on the HubPages Service. (Privacy Policy)
    ComscoreComScore is a media measurement and analytics company providing marketing data and analytics to enterprises, media and advertising agencies, and publishers. Non-consent will result in ComScore only processing obfuscated personal data. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Tracking PixelSome articles display amazon products as part of the Amazon Affiliate program, this pixel provides traffic statistics for those products (Privacy Policy)