- Gender and Relationships
He's no good for you
I've been there before. You love him. You want to be with him forever and you feel like things will change. Sometimes they just might. Sometimes you will work through it. But there are those times when you have to learn to turn away from him and walk the other direction because he's just no good for you.
I had a relationship like this. I had liked someone for so long that to me it didn't matter what was going on, I thought I was going to be there for him at all times and that I could help him become a better person. I was wrong. To sum him up quickly he had no job, no car, lived with his friend for free, and was out all the time doing stupid things. He was my friend and my boyfriend so I wanted to help him. I wanted to raise him for the crap-hole he was in.
If you are going out of your way to make their lives easier or to pamper this person, then you need to make sure you aren’t doing it for nothing.
I was bending over backwards to help him. I let him use my car when I was at work so he could go hangout with friends and not be stuck at home all day. But that also meant I had to put way more money towards gas since he had no job. I got tired of it. I quit my second job with the promise that my boss would let him take my place. I gave up some of my income so he could take some responsibility. They both very happily did exactly that. I gave him my least paying job so everything was fine for bills. Till he wanted me to take time off to wait on him. I loved him. So I did. I started to take time off. So much that my job fired me.
Ladies if he is asking you to do something that could risk your career, don’t do it. It doesn’t matter if you love him, don’t do it. If things don’t work out for you in the long run, then you could have messed up on jobs in the future.
If he is doing something wrong, you call him out on it, then he turns that argument around making you feel bad, somethings wrong.
My boyfriend had a figure print for his passcode on his phone. I was fine with it for a while till I started to glance at his phone randomly while he was texting people. I was seeing hearts sent to him and him sending them back, calling other girls hun, and a lot of other stuff I wasn’t comfortable with. So one night I saw it again and I tried to have a calm discussion about it. We got into an argument about it and how flirting it cheating. When he realized he was losing this battle he turned the argument around against me and how I was being a jealous freak. By the end of it he had me believing I had done something wrong.
This, my dear readers, is mental abuse. When you trying your best to keep things calm and on one topic, and they won’t let you then they are hiding much more, or are mentally abusing you. Either way, it’s not healthy in a relationship. If he learns that he can get away with this then it will only get worse.
If you have set boundaries and he is openly crossing them, you need to leave.
I had multiple boundaries that I let him cross because I was in love. I let him talk to his exs that I saw inappropriate text between him and her because he said there was nothing going on. I let him hit me. I gave him a very violent warning after that, but I let him get away with it once. He found all the boundaries he could cross and he crossed them. This was the breaking point for us as well. I had let him trample over me repeatedly, but I was done. I had laid down one boundary that I swore I would never let him cross. His best friend was dating his ex that he had his longest relationship with and they were living together. I knew she and my boyfriend still had feelings for each other. I saw their text but nobody would believe me. He had wanted to stay the night at his friends’ house but she would be there too. I refused. I told him this was a boundary; I will not let my boyfriend stay the night at an exs house. He agreed to that. Well later down the road he stopped caring. I knew they were still talking and I knew that they were going to hook up after his best friend went to sleep. That was their plan before and that was their plan that night. He looked at me and told me I couldn’t boss him around and that he was going to stay there no matter what.
Don’t lower yourself or your standards for the person you are with. It doesn’t matter if you love them, or if they think you need to relax or what anybody thinks. Stick by what you stand for and don’t let anybody change your mind. If they can’t respect what you have for yourself then they don’t need to be in your life.
If you aren’t truly happy don’t stay.
Sometimes there are fights in relationships. That is completely normal. But if you are having more bad times than good, then it might be time to leave. You may think that the good outweigh the bad but it doesn’t. The good can be as high as the sky but you shouldn’t let yourself be unhappy most of the time just so you can have those really good times.
Listen to your heart.
If you are contemplating leaving, write a list or just go over the pros and cons. Sometimes you can even flip a coin. Have a friend flip the coin for you. When it is in the air you will automatically think of what you want it to say. That is your heart telling you what to do. Listen to it.
He is no good for you.
If he is using you, abusing you in any way, and not making you completely happy, then you need to get him out of your life. That is a toxic relationship and you deserve better. You are beautiful and better than that. Don’t let anybody tell you different.