Where I find God
I find God in the thoughts, feelings and experiences of people who wrote the bible many many years ago. They write so beautifully it makes me think that there must be a God if not a God at least a higher purpose.
I recently went through a very difficult time, after losing a very dear friend. There is a Psalm in the bible "when my heart is overwhelmed lead me to a rock that is higher than I. I found great solace in this. I know people die all the time, it is the one certainty that we should live with. It does hurt however to bury people you love.
Burying loved ones reminds you that your time on earth is limited and you should do the things you want to do and live the life you want to live. As children we always try to rush things, you are never eleven always eleven and a half. As you get older you try to hold onto time as much as humanly and insanely possible.
In the Zulu culture the deceased are buried out of their homes and I swear when I saw my dear friends body leave her home, my heart broke. I realized that I don't want to do things that does not fulfill me for even another second. One day I am going to leave the car, clothes and job behind. I want to do all the things that brings me great pleasure.
A reader dashingscorpio commented on my previous article where I professed to feeling like an alien, that it might be because my goals are one dimensional (my interpretation of the comment). I think the comment was a bit of a sting and beautiful at the same time. As a child I wanted to change the world, as an adult I am paying the bills.
One of the reasons that I struggle to believe in a God is due to the fact that the world be live is has allot of suffering. I do however see people change it all the time, doing their bit, I want to be those people and leave the world a little better off than I found it.
This is really my higher purpose, now I have to work out the how.