Hilarious, Weird and not so Funny Dating adventures! Part 3: The Prayer Beads Flipper
Part 3: The Prayer Beads Flipper
Several years ago, I had met this fine young man on a dating site. He was of Iranian descent, having immigrated to Canada when he was a young boy. We hit it off over the net and agreed to meet for coffee at a local coffee shop. He was very handsome and sexy looking, I was looking forward to our rendezvous!
We met at a gas station in my area since he was from out of town and had travelled about 50 minutes to meet me. I was somewhat surprised when he drove up and parked next to my car in an old beat up Honda Civic Hatchback covered in rust. It was not the car, but the way he appeared to be sitting on the floor! I could just barely make out his head! He told me he was 5’ 10” and even in his pictures, he looked tall. I waved and smiled at him; he waved back, but kept his hand over his mouth. I found this weird. Red flag number one.
We drove to the coffee shop in our respective cars. I was relieved to see that once he stepped out of his road hugging civic, he was the height he had told me. I glanced quickly over to the inside of his car and noticed that his seat was worn down. No wonder he looked like he was sitting on the floor!
Once inside the coffee shop, we ordered fresh brewed Java and started talking. Finally, he removed his hand from his mouth. The reason was that his teeth were very yellow, my heart sank. Oh geez, I thought to myself, he is a great looking guy but those teeth could stop traffic a mile away. Then I noticed something peculiar. He was holding prayer beads in one of his hands and flipping through them repeatedly. An image of my deceased grandmother’s sister who was a nun flashed through my mind.
Being curious, I asked him why he was a flippn’ through the beads with such a vengeance! They were beautiful, made of wood and I was certain, of Iranian origin. He stopped, smiled and held them out for me to see, explaining that they helped him concentrate on his quitting smoking. Ah, that explained the lemon coloured pearly whites!
After half an hour, he had ordered three more coffees for himself. I was almost finished my first and I noticed he was sweating profusely! He seemed anxious, and I was wondering if he was going through nicotine withdrawal. He started flippn’ those prayer beads faster and faster until they were a blur. I wondered how he did that. It was amazed at how he could do that with just one hand.
I suggested we go for a walk outside, it was a beautiful spring day and I hoped that it would take some of the edge of him because he was making me nervous with those beads of his. He was flipping them so quickly now that I was almost sure he would take off like a helicopter!
We were walking for a few minutes when he turns to me and says, “You know what would help me relax?”
“A pack of cigarettes?” I thought silently to myself.
“Sex.” He said, looking at me with a big yellow grin.
I stopped, stunned. I would have never expected him to come out with this. I didn’t say anything. I was kind of thinking my way through this. How about a good teeth whitening at your local dentist and we’ll see? I almost laughed aloud and turned it into a cough.
“Why don’t we go to your place?” he said, breaking my chain of thought.
Will you stop a flippin’ those frigging beads if we do?
I had to get out of this and quick. He was way too nervous, anxious and heavily into nicotine withdrawal. I figured that he had probably stopped smoking the moment he met me! I told him that I was a non-smoker and he had never mentioned to me previously that he did smoke. Besides that, I wanted to get to know him, not jump into the sack!
I told him then and there that I wasn’t looking to sleep with him right way and that his nicotine withdrawal was making me very nervous.
He seemed perplexed, shrugging his shoulders. “OK” he said.
Shortly thereafter, we said our goodbyes; he asked me if he could call me. I said, sure, why not.
He did call back, several times, leaving me long-winded messages and heavy breathing. I still cringe when I remember his teeth; the sweat rolling of his face as he furiously flipped his prayer beads over coffee those many years ago...
© 2009 K D Martel