- Gender and Relationships
His Kids - Your Step Kids, Your Commitment
I am faced with a dilemma and I hope you can lend some insight. I am married to a man that has two children from a former marriage. His children live with their mother, and we are only forced to see them every other weekend. I want to have my own children very much. I made my wishes very clear to him before we got married. Now that we are married he say he doesn’t want to have more children because of how much money he has to send his ex wife in child support. He says we can’t afford to have children which I think is a lame excuse. It’s like he’s stuck in the past with his old family instead of in the present with me and the children we could have. I need your help! How do I convince him to let go of the past and move forward?Donna
You asked for my advice, so I’m going to give it to you in my three-martini style. His children are not part of his past. They are his children for ever. And they are your step children. Calling them “his” children, and saying you are “stuck” with them every other weekend says a great deal about your nurturing ability. Normally, it would concern me that you and your partner discussed and agreed upon a major life decision prior to taking the marriage step, and now your partner has changed his mind. But in your case his changing his mind doesn’t concern me. To start with, you said you told him your wish to have children. You did not say he agreed as a partner that you and he would have children together, or when. Additionally, I have to think that even if he did agree that he wanted to have children with you, that his decision may have changed when he witnessed how poor of a step parent you were. His feeling that it would be unaffordable at this time to have more kids might be very valid and responsible. Kids are expensive. But I would understand if his saying it’s the money involved because he’s trying to avoid telling you how he feels about your parenting skills.
Of course he doesn’t want to have more kids. His relationship with his first kids would become even worse. As it is you don’t speak of them as your step children. You say nothing but very selfish things regarding family.You married this man, committing your life to his, yet you completely disregard what should be the number one most important thing in his life: his children. I don’t know how you thought you would have a successful marriage as someone that says things like you’re “stuck” with his kids every other weekend, and that his kids are part of his past. I think you need to re-examine your priorities. I invite the HUBPAGES community to weigh in, in the comments below.