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Holiday Breakup Fixes

Updated on November 30, 2015
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Holiday Blues

Are you feeling blue because your going to be alone for the holidays? Or maybe because you're suffering from a major breakup? This article is for you! When you break up with someone especially around the holidays it always seems so much worse. Its depressing to show up to family or friend functions alone and awkwardly explain the situation. Here are some tips and advice on how to bring back your holiday smile and joy.

Lets start with examining the source of your pain. Being alone, now believe it or not most people have a serious fear of being alone. Why? Simply because people believe that if your alone and haven't scored a steady partner that somehow that equals failure. You have to truly examine whether your pain is coming from being alone and feeling ashamed because of it. Or because you TRULY miss your connection to your former partner.

some problems are fixable
some problems are fixable | Source

Missing your connection

Look at your former relationship for a minute objectively. Are the main source of arguments because of a problem that is fixable? Like for example, your arguments start because your feeling like your partner doesn't understand or consider how you feel. Then source of the problem would be that your not communicating effectively or you might need to listen to your partner more or compromise. That is a fixable problem, so instead of being angry be calm and talk to your former partner and see if you can patch things up.

Another fixable problem most relationships have is money. If the main source of your problems is about what money is being used for or that your partner isn't making enough. Then you need to be upfront and come up with a plan that both of you actively do. Like for example, splitting the bills in half. If your partner is unemployed be upfront and encourage them to actively look for employment. Help them as well if you can with landing a reasonable job.

If the sources of your arguments are fixable problems like these then don't just sit around and end a potentially good relationship. Talk to your current ex and make some changes. If you want to but if you feel strongly that you're making a better choice for yourself by not being with them. Then don't do it. Your problems may not be simple fixable problems and it truly maybe best to part ways.

A great oldie but still awesome!

sometimes its best to end things for good
sometimes its best to end things for good | Source

Your Lonely

Now that we have discussed fixable problems, lets go over some not quick fixable problems. For example, your afraid of your partner because things get out of control quickly. Being afraid of your partner is a huge indication that your in a relationship that is extremely one sided. If your afraid of them, you probably don't really express how you feel, your probably not totally honest with them because your afraid of how they will handle it, and most importantly your probably steaming with anger yourself from having to deal with everything. Another example is extreme jealousy. Jealousy is a natural human emotion and actually comes from a good place. It is meant to make you realize what you have with someone and encourage you to treat them accordingly or better. Although, extreme jealously is just dangerous.

This person constantly gives you put-downs about being with someone else or attacks your self esteem with unrealistic opinions. This person might get so enraged that you or others could be at risk. This is something that YOU CAN'T CHANGE. The problem is inside your partner's overactive imagination. You can't make them believe anything they don't want to believe. These are not simple fixable problems and it is probably for the best that the two of you parted ways. WHY? Unless professional help is sought and obtained it is a extremely dangerous situation for you.

You probably by now gather the difference, but that still doesn't help with lonely feelings. If the only thing you miss is having someone around then get a new hobby. Do extra work, go out, read a book, just find something else that makes you happy and do it. The lonely feelings will decrease by half. If it sex that you miss the most, then try doing something physical. Like going to the gym, running,and keeping yourself busy.

Love this song!

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Holiday Annoyances

When you see your family or friends do have that one person who always makes you feel like crap because they have the "perfect" relationship for years? They just make you seem like your immature or a failure because you show up alone? Well take a moment and think to yourself, what always shines isn't gold. Meaning that just because it appears they have this solid relationship doesn't mean that it is. It is better to be happy with yourself, then to pretend to be happy with someone else. Just because you maybe alone right now, also doesn't mean you will always be alone. Consider it this way, being single isn't a punishment, its an opportunity to do whatever you need too, to get where you want to be.

Your not a failure for leaving a relationship or being dumped. Your failing when you stay with someone who treats you less than what you deserve. Give your own life meaning not by being with someone but by being happy with yourself. Holidays are a time to be happy for the simple things in life. Like being able to get up everyday and change your life if you want too. Giving thanks to the people who helped you out when you needed it all year around. So when you wake up think about what you have now and not about what is lost.

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Send love not hate

Are you furious with your current ex? Are you feeling like they screwed you out of so much you could of had in life? Are you feeling so annoyed with everything you went through that you never want to be made a fool of again? As much of a clique this is, you need to let go. Look at it like this, let go before you blow up. If you blow up with those negative feelings you will probably say things you don't mean, you might be taking it out on others by being cold, distant, not understanding and self absorbed. So how do you just let go? You think about the positive things about that person. Every time you feel negative feelings, think about something you did together that was really special. Hold onto those feelings. Their must have been some good times or you wouldn't have been with that person. Even if it is only the beginning of your relationship.

It is about reconnecting your feelings to a positive more happy place. Then when that person speaks to you or contacts you. Take a moment, just one, and let those feelings speak for you. Be positive. Be kind. Your doing this not just for them, but for you. You want happiness. If that person drags you to a negative place end the contact. ITS YOUR LIFE, TAKE CONTROL. Don't let others drag you into a pit of anger. So send them love and not hate because it always feels better to do so. Until next time readers, ciao.

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    • dashingscorpio profile image

      dashingscorpio 20 months ago

      I suspect more women are upset with not being in relationships than men are.

      Guys don't "romanticize the holiday season" as much as women do. Many of us are fine with going out to parties alone, watching sports, and hanging out with friends and family. The only time being broken up over the holidays bothers a guy is if he was "in love" and he got dumped.

      Even then he doesn't feel embarrassed to be around friends and family.

      Ultimately a breakup is admission that one or both people feels they made a mistake in their mate selection process. They reached the conclusion that in the end they'd be happier being with someone else.

      In order for your ex to be "the one" they would have to see (you) as being "the one". At the very least a "soul-mate" is someone who actually wants to be with you! (And vice versa).

      You stated: "Jealousy is a natural human emotion and actually comes from a {good} place." I actually feel jealousy is a destructive negative energy.

      When someone acts jealous around you then you stop feeling free to be yourself. Suddenly you ponder your every word or action as to not to offend them. You find yourself walking on eggshells. That's not healthy at all.

      If I'm jealous it means I don't believe my mate loves me as much as I love her/she's not as committed to the relationship as I am; or I'm being insecure based upon bad dating experiences in my past and projecting it on her.

      However some folks are just downright possessive! They don't want to share their mate with family, friends, or co-workers. If it were up to them the only time their mate would smile and laugh would be when they are together!

      People who mistake jealousy for love and caring are oftentimes heading towards a toxic relationship which may eventually become abusive.

      One man's opinion!:)