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Honesty in marriage! Is it the best policy!

Updated on March 18, 2014

‘A great marriage is not when the 'perfect couple' comes together. It is when an imperfect couple learns to enjoy their differences.’- Dave Meurer

‘Honesty is the best policy’ is an advice you had heard an umpteenth time during your childhood days. So you grow up thinking that you should be honest in your dealings with others. You feel guilty when you lie to your parents or friends and you also feel that cheating them means betraying their love.

But are you honest with your spouse?

Are you frank about everything with the person who means the world to you?

It is strange that you do not practice honesty in your marriage relationship. There are lots of things which you hide from your spouse. Your true emotions, your money dealings, your unhappy past and your innermost feelings about your spouse are always hidden within you. You do not share your feelings with your spouse as you fear a negative backlash from him\her.

‘How can my relationship survive if I confess my true feelings with my spouse as there are lots of things I do not like about him\her?’ Do you bury your feelings within you and lead an artificial life with your spouse? Of course your intention is all correct as you do not want to make your relationship stressful by being negatively open about your thoughts.

Is it really wrong to confess to your spouse what you do not like about him\her?

Not at all! But everything goes wrong when you make your confession deliberately wounding and degrading with the intention of hurting your spouse. You feel it easy to make derisive comments about your spouse in the name of honesty, while actually you are venting your frustration on him\her.

Emotional dishonesty!

Have you ever had friendly talk with your spouse about the problems you have with him\her? Such frank interaction is necessary to make your marriage work. When you have such an honest interaction with your spouse the emotional level of your marriage is at its highest peak.

You fear to voice your thoughts because you are not emotionally close to your spouse. Only strangers have to be formal with one another and rehearse their interaction and not truly loving couples. When there is true friendship between you, you feel it natural to talk out your thoughts without fearing the reaction of your spouse. Faked feelings and hidden emotions are signs of a defeated marriage.

Financial dishonesty!

  • Do you hide your money matters from your spouse?
  • Does he\she not know about your savings or investments?
  • Do you think that your spouse will fleece you if you are open about your bank balance?

It is true that you have every right over the money you earn and that you should have personal money of your own. But when you are sneaky with your spouse about your money matters it instills in him\her mistrust and suspicion about you.

When your spouse gives you freedom to deal with your money you feel happy and content in your relationship. When you do not hide your financial dealings from your spouse, both feel free to have mutual discussion about the financial aspect of your family as you are sure that he\he would not take unreasonable advantage over the money you earn.

When you too give your spouse that much of a leash to deal with his\her money, he\she too does not feel like hiding money matters from you. Believe me, it is one of the biggest headaches off your marriage relationship.

Dishonest friendship!

  • Does your spouse know about your friends of the opposite sex?
  • Are they his\her mutual friends?

If you say yes, you can be confident that your bond with your spouse will never be suspicious. But if you say no, this becomes yet another stressful characteristic of your modern outlook.

When you hide your friendship from your spouse and have sly meeting with them it destroys the basic trust in your marriage. Do not overlook this delicate aspect of your relationship by claiming that you have all the right to be friendly with any person you like. After marriage you owe your loyalty to your spouse, don’t you?

Married life is again and again complicated by you as you twist and turn the needed aspects of marriage to your way of thinking. While dishonesty makes your relationship murky and gloomy, your honest interaction with your spouse makes your relationship crystal clear and confident!

© 2014 mathira


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    • MG Singh profile image

      MG Singh 4 years ago from Singapore

      Well its adouble edged sword, but all in all its better to come clean

    • billybuc profile image

      Bill Holland 4 years ago from Olympia, WA

      So very much of honesty comes from trust....and trust takes awhile to build, doesn't it? We have learned and today we are honest with each other. Wonderful points made here.