How 50 Shades of Grey Ruined My Marriage
What a book, what a series ! the book every women in the western world is talking about – ok so I exaggerate, just the women I know!
It’s a book that touches the very essence of us – its about our dreams, our desires and our expectations.
It highlights what can be.. and in my case what isn’t.
Christian took me back to my 20’s – a time when in my own life I had a ‘Christian’ albeit without the Dom side of things. He was strong, focused, intimidating and unlike Anastasia I just wasn’t equipped to handle it. I burned and walked away.
So why has the 50 Shades of Grey ruined my marriage?
Because it woke me up to what I know exists and have never had in my marriage. It reinforced the feelings I have had for over 14 years – of being unfulfilled sexually. Of being the one who is ‘just not into it’
I guess I would be if it featured more than a grope of the boobs, a grab of the genitals and a I’m in exclamation! Then 1 minute later its over and he is snoring – slightly unsatisfying to say the least.
Now I know I have a responsibility to perhaps guide/ show him the way, but frankly when your life is so full of stress because you are expected to work to make up the shortfall, manage the kids, sort hospital appointments, play peacemaker, remember the lifelong medication streams and then make sure the rest of the house functions, showing someone how you’d like to be touched just doesn’t feature – in fact it's annoying.
I want to scream, why can't you focus on me the woman. Why does my laughter not excite you. Why do I have to accept that having my boobs grabbed or my underwear unceremoniously stripped from me is foreplay.
Where is the intimacy – the talking, the sharing of feelings?
When I ventured forth and asked about how he feels about me the response was “I don’t talk about that stuff’ and yet this is the man who appears on a video declaring I am his soul mate, his best friend –he forgot to mention his mother, PA, legal assistance and financial manager.
So 50 Shades of Grey, you have woken me up to what can be. Yes it’s a story, a novel, a fairy tale and I should just accept my lot – I can't – I need to live , if not for me, for the sake of my children.