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How Do I Pick Up That Girl at the Party?

Updated on September 5, 2013

This is a classic case of boy-meets-girl and girl-doesn’t-want… meeting that beauty at a party. I’m not talking about some small house party where perhaps your friend knows her (that would be classed under “friend-of-a-friend”) – I’m talking about maybe a gala or fundraising event… one of those big parties where everyone’s dressed to the nines and everyone’s looking their best.

It’s not a hard thing to make happen, however, as you’ve got to realize that although everyone looks their best (you included, I hope), deep down, everyone is just as nervous as you are about meeting new people. Sure, they may look spectacular, but they aren’t staring at a mirror all night! All they can see is how everyone else looks, and I promise you that there’s absolutely nobody at that party that isn’t at least a bit nervous about meeting new people. Thus, if you psychologically realize that everyone is nervous, you can use it to your advantage. And use it to your advantage, you will!


- Make sure you’re as dressed up as everyone else is

- Be friendly to absolutely everyone you meet

- Smile all night, rendering yourself friendly and approachable

- Strike up a conversation with anyone, anytime… this is what the party is about

- Start a conversation with that girl you’re aiming for, and introduce her to anyone else you know that may happen to be in the vicinity

- Make your way over to her if you guys make eye contact from across the room, but do it so that she doesn’t see you coming

- Talk to her especially when she looks bored and unoccupied


- Walk directly to her if you guys make eye contact from across the room

- Stare at her all night or let her catch you staring at her cleavage

- Talk about yourself unless she actually asks you about yourself, and even then, don’t bore her to death!

- Interrupt her if she’s having a lively conversation with others… it will be very awkward

- Try to pick up a girl whose personality type is different than yours… no matter how aesthetically pleasing she is

The secret here is that you don’t actually need to impress her with anything. Lots of guys think they need to impress girls (especially at these types of parties) with big titles, big adventures and lots of money. Wrong. You don’t know who that girl is… she could just be a humble secretary, or her dad could be a hotel magnate. You don’t know, so don’t try to impress; that usually turns girls off more than anything, anyway.

Act yourself, be friendly, approachable, make her feel comfortable. That’s the thing at these parties… people don’t necessarily feel too comfortable, because of the way they’re dressed, the way everyone looks, and the fact that there’s hardly anybody they know! Getting to know her a little goes a long way in these situations. Talk about things you have in common, things you are both interested in, etc.

At the end of the night, you could invite her to join you somewhere – a quiet coffee shop, or for dessert with you and your friends. The after-party wind-down is where you solidify your warm fuzzy feelings and it’s when she decides if she wants to see you again. If she can’t attend your wind-down, then that’s okay; get her Facebook info. or some other way to contact her… you can show her a great time another day.


  1. When you see that girl at the party, be calm and don’t go over there right away. Observe her for a bit…
  2. Is she shy and isn’t talking much to others? If so, you should go over there pretty soon and make her feel the party isn’t so boring (with your intelligent and witty conversation skills, of course).
  3. Is she the life of the party, is laughing really loudly and having lots of fun? Well, you’re going to have to play your cards differently; pop in there and chat it up with her and her friends when they’re just sitting around, waiting to meet the next new person.
  4. If she’s the shy type, or doesn’t know anyone at the party, then you just have to keep her company and entertained for the rest of the night and she’s yours. You should make sure to introduce her to everyone else you know… make her feel welcome and glad to be there!
  5. If she’s the loud and outgoing type, well, read on, buddy, as there’s lots you’re going to have to do. After you’ve popped in on her friends and introduced yourself… do your utmost to be an entertaining and funny guy who will make her friends say, “What a great guy! He’s so funny!”
  6. With the loud girl, you’re going to have to be interesting to her and all her friends… you’re going to have to dance when she’s down and you’re going to have to join her at her after-party gathering. If you’re this type of person anyway, well, that’s great! If you’re not… then, may I suggest you not be bewitched by her looks alone? After all, your Mrs. Right is one whose personality and habits match yours.

Wishing you the best of luck!


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