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How Do You Deal With Your Wife's Ex-Husband ?

Updated on November 24, 2009


Imagine having the neighbour from hell and being told by the authorities, the police and your lawyer that you can't do a thing about it. Also that legally you are not allowed to comment upon their actions towards you. Then multiply that ten times over and you might get a feeling of what it is like when your wife's ex-husband declares war.


Further complicate matters by adding stepchildren into the equation, so every two weeks you have to meet the man who beat, bullied and abused your wife whilst she was married to him. You cannot say anything in front of the children and when you have to hand them over on the doorstep, it feels like you have been tied up and kicked in the teeth.



Then when the ex-husband moves into town and sets-up camp just a few miles away, you can add the ignominy of being ostracized by people who you have never met and worst still, people you have been on friendly terms with. Paranoia sets in pretty quickly and you find yourself avoiding places where he might be, people he might know and you get the old feeling that, “this town isn’t big enough for the both of us.”



Although we may occasionally long for the rule of the Wild West, where men would sort out their differences like men and the loser would quietly slip into the sunset or retire to the cemetery, things are not that simple anymore. However just your cause, any such action would end in a legal recourse so harsh as not to contemplate. So how are you supposed to behave when a man makes it his ambition to ruin your life and reputation?


Go to a lawyer perhaps, but then what? Lengthy and expensive litigation, a court appearance and if you're lucky a worthless piece of paper telling him to stop spreading lies about you. Perhaps you could tell the world with righteous indignation of how you have been wronged by this loathsome specimen? It would certainly let you know who your friends were, as they would be the only people not crossing the street to avoid you.


You could always move to the next county or even country, maybe even forget to leave your new address. But then there are the children to consider, disrupting their education, losing their friends and of course, that man has already moved once and could easily just do it again. As the months grind away at you and the paranoia slips into insanity, that cowboy feeling starts to take over and just for a minute you contemplate your own version of “High Noon”.


But then if you are lucky you meet a man who did just that. Driven to madness by years of abuse and copious amounts of liquor, this otherwise mild man confronted his adversary with a baseball bat. Then in the heat of the moment he realized his folly, dropped the bat and ran away, only to be pursued by his potential victim in a car chase to rival the famous scene from Bullet. Unaware that he had lost his pursuer, he then spent another twenty minutes fleeing for his life from a police car and was promptly arrested. Subsequently he lost his freedom for three months, his driving license for two years and his wife forever.


Sadly, there is no real answer to how to deal with your wife’s ex husband apart from patience, perhaps therapy and making the best possible life for your stepchildren.


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      jcm 4 years ago

      I concur. My wifes ex abused her in front of there son and did drugs in the home always! I came home from deployment and married my sweetheart, and have dealt with his lies and manipulation ever since. He is very jealous too. He's called me late at night saying she was his wife first and he WILL have her back. Tried to separate us by telling each other the other is cheating. We were very blessed by a local veterans charity, and he proceeded to tell them and the local papers that my service was all a lie, so I had to get all my records to prove my service and have had to deal with a lot of public slander. Sometimes he sits in his car at the end of my driveway for hours, and the cops won't do anything because he's not technically breaking any laws. I came home from 14 months in combat and walked into this. Deal with his lies and manipulation every day! He's fortunate the military taught me discipline and restraint! But when is enough enough?

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      me 4 years ago

      well this was a useless post.. Mr Obvious... thanks for the waste oof my time

    • profile image

      Cherie 4 years ago


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    • Levertis Steele profile image

      Levertis Steele 5 years ago from Southern Clime

      Marry the wrong person can be a lifetime of problems.

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      Justin 5 years ago

      I wish I could explain so easily the mess that my wifes ex has brought upon my home. I wish every day that the huge amounts of crack he did while his girlfriend was giving birth to his child and raising her for the following six years would have kept him the deadbeat dad he should be. I can't believe I'm saying this (being the peace love and happiness guy), but damn I know how you felt. I don't know how many times I've said to myself "god, you're so lucky I'm just sane enough to stop myself". He's not a bad person, and I don't really wish him any ill will, but he's so self absorbed and selfish beyond belief. uhg... I just need reassurance once in awhile that I'm not alone out here with this type of situation. I'm sorry that this happened to you, but I'm also glad that you shared it. Thank you.

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      Andres 5 years ago

      It really sucks to be with you wife and her ex in the same place. I only hope that my love an trust will help me be a great father and husband for her and the kids.

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      Rucude 6 years ago

      When I met my wife 4 years ago it was 3 months after she had seperated from her ex after he had strangled their one son in a fit of rage. She finally mustered the courage to do so after 17 years of hell. He used to beat her and the kids up and threatened her that he will kill them if she leaves.

      Today, every two weeks, I have to see how she hurts when we have to handover her daughter for 5 days after a court decided that he is fit to be a father.

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      Alex 6 years ago

      I can feel for all of you im going through this my wife has 3 kids to her ex husband and is 5 months pregnant with mine her ex is back in the kids life but where do you mark the boundries

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      Steve 6 years ago

      it sucks when your wife has to deal with him and then she does everything for him as a parent for the childrens sake and his BS never ends, I can't believe my life has turned in to this daily drama. It's extraordinarily stressful and taking it's toll on our relationship

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      Chris 6 years ago

      So true, The man who bullied and berated and told his kids they were good for nothing, and now they have serious self esteem issues, I have to smile at and hand them over tow him twice a month. And all the work there mother and I have done for the past two weeks gets undone and we start over every other Saturday night when they come home depressed and feeling full of shame.

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      Bubba 7 years ago

      Its a lost cause from the get go. You're damned if you do and damned if you don't. Of course, you can always pray for him to drop dead, but that's not the Godly thing to do!

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      Justin 8 years ago

      sounds like you should avoid marrying women with ex husbands who are still living... duh....