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Does an Abuser Stop Abusing?

Updated on May 25, 2022

The 'Text Book' Abuser


The Abuser races into the life of the proto-victim. He makes her feel as if she is super woman. He pours out love as if an endless supply exists.

The proto-victim doesn't love the Abuser as he seems to love her. She feels a bit unworthy. Yet, his adoration provokes her to fall in love with him. She will give up everything to be with him because no one will ever love her as he does.

A week, two weeks, and he begins with emotional abuse, that is making her cry. He feels so omnipotent to make her cry that he practices it until it no longer works.

While doing this, he separates her from friends and family so that he is the only person in her life.


Interestingly, when a woman is the Abuser, this is where she starts.

She severs her victim from family and friends, filling his life with her people. It takes a little time, but soon he has no one but her and her people in his life.

Unlike the male abuser, the female needs to flood him with 'her' people so as to cage him. He will have no one to talk to but her people who appear to be his friends. And they know what to say, what to report.

The next level is Intellectual Abuse. This is when the Abuser tries to make the Victim stupid. The Abuser knows everything.

Most often this is utilised by the male Abuser, who dominates the female, and makes her believe she needs to get his views, his decisions on everything.

Contrarily, when the Woman is the Abuser, she makes him believe he is the bright one. She boosts his ego, making him believe she depends on him.

Spiritual Abuse follows, he controls how his Victim sees the world, her desires, her dreams are owned by him. He can make her want to go to a party or not want to go.

When a woman is the Abuser, she will resort to crying so as to discourage him from going to... or she agrees but makes him so late to the function it is almost over when they reach.

This is followed by Verbal Abuse. When the man is the Abuser, he insults her. When a Woman is the Abuser, she uses silence. She never says anything.

The final stage is physical violence. This is often the Male Forte. He beats her and tells her it is her fault. Women don't often need to resort to this. Their deceptions, their pretense of ignorance fills the arena.

This is where it is and stays, until the Victim escapes.

Enter the Next Victim

Abusers do not change.

When Wife One walks out, they get Wife Two. They subject Wife Two to the same process as Wife One.

The fact that his performance caused Wife One to leave is not noted. He will Abuse Wife Two until she leaves.

He then moves on to Wife Three.

The pattern never changes.

The fact he has lost two victims does not register. He invents reasons as to why One left or why Two left. It is never his fault.

Wife Three will leave him, often earlier than Wife Two.

In the usual pattern Wife One marries him when they both are in their Twenties and when she leaves him, he might be near Thirty.

He marries Two in his Thirties, she is often in her twenties., and she stays with him until he is or near Forty.

He will be alone for a time, then marries Three who is usually half his age.

If he hits her she can usually hit back with more power. So doesn't stick around.

When she leaves he is no longer the young and handsome man, but an old man with near to nothing.

Age not Sense

The Abuser, in his sixties, has difficulty finding a victim. Unless he's very rich or powerful, or has something to offer, he can't attract the attractive young woman.

Unless he is going for someone of his age, which is doubtful, he will be going after women so much younger they can deck him.

The Abuser, with the impression he is that hot twenty year old, punches his thirty five year old wife with his sixty two year old fist.

She boxes him with a right and a left and he's on the floor.

He doesn't try physical violence again, and she probably takes what she can, and leaves him.

That he lost Wife One through Abuse, that he lost Wife Two the same way is not recognised by him.

In his twisted world, they 'deserved' the beating. In some cases he will claim he was never 'violent'. This is the kind of mental problems Abusers have.

Female Abusers know how to get everything. How to get their names on titles, on bank accounts, so she can then throw him out as rubbish and go for the divorce..

She will then find a man she can love, unless she has had one on the side previous to the marriage, or shortly after.

The Reality

Beyond a lobotomy the Abuser never changes. Not until he is incapable of effective abuse.

Having beaten his wives, his children, they are all gone. He is excluded from their lives, knows nothing about them.

In his sixties, he might hear one of his grand children, but never be invited to meet them.

He stops abusing not because he has learned his lesson, but because he can't. He doesn't have the physical power, he doesn't have a victim.

There is No Change

Abusers never change. They may adopt other methods, but the abuse will continue. To hurt someone gives him pleasure.

Whether it is ruining a relationship between others, whether it is causing financial loss, whatever he can do to hurt other, he will do.

That he loses, that he winds up hated and alone is not weighed in the balance.


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