- Gender and Relationships»
- Separation & Divorce
How I Filled the Void in my Life
I was reading some of my Hubs including one where I wrote of my marriage break up, and how I set out to get my life back on track again. Being married for 43+ years, it was challenging to move on, but when I made up my mind I did so, trying not to look back.
What I knew I had to do was fill the void - I mean when one is married there is someone there most of the time to discuss things, happily or unhappily, but even managing daily life there are interactions all the time. What do you want for breakfast, lunch, etc? Will we go out tonight? Where? Will you mow the lawn? Fix the ....? etc etc.
Flying solo, one has only one's self to organise and it can be rather odd. I was luckily I had friends, and I had my writing, and a determination to do something postive with my life. I had made the decision to go, to move on, so I wasn't going to whinge about it.
As it turns out those two+ years have been awesome. I went back to study, and last September proudly graduated with a Master of Arts (Writing), done all on-line. Challenging all the time, especially considering that I endured some months of difficulty when my father took ill, and subsequently passed away, and the stress of it all send me into a health difficulty, but I managed to surface and keep going. My financial situation also changed after the death of my father - not giving me great wealth, but enough to keep the every barking wolf from the door.
I was so engrossed in the study process that a social life was almost non existent, and I managed to find house sitting opportunities for most of the time (having to spend the occasional couple of days with my daughter between jobs), so all was dwell. I do recommend house sitting, but am over it for the moment, and as I complete my latest house sit, and am reluctant do do much more, though I do have a booking for May 2013, but a house and cat I have cared for previously, and I am happy with that.
I had to travel from hometown Brisbane to Melbourne for graduation, and then with a friend did quite a bit of touring for nearly two weeks, before returning to Brisbane for a further house sit. I had of course been busy writing, but am on the down hill run (I hope) with a couple of projects.
One thing that I had on my 'bucket list' was to drive around Australia. I set out to make it happen, and with lots of planning and a new car (Thank you Dad), in November 2012, I set off heading west, almost to the red centre of this great country, before heading south though amazing old towns to Adelaide, where I have been for a couple of weeks.
Another house sit in Adelaide ( with a myriad of animals to care for, but free accommodation) I am about to set off to Western Australia, via the Barossa Valley, Port Pirie and other places. It really is a discovery of my birth country, especially as I am driving. It allows me to stop and get a better look at some of the places I had only previously heard about or read about. I am meeting up with old friends, cousins, and strangers who have been extra ordinarily hospitable.
2013 will see me driving around for a further four months, before returning to home base in Brisbane. Home base? Well, I don't have one yet, but on my 'bucket list' is to move into my own apartment or house. I no long want to rely on others for a roof over my head. It is not the end of my travels though - as I have further plans including a project that might take me back to China. We will see.
I am not really in the habit of giving marital advice, or much advice of any sort really, but I do think of two friends in particular, whose husbands were taken from the unexpectedly, and who have not been able to move on. One lost her husband over ten years ago, and she is constantly depressed out it, and ponders her situation daily. He left her well of financially, but the void in her life she has not been able to fill. I don't mean she should find another man in her life, though some might suggest that, but she needs to be able to focus on a big project that is almost all time consuming. The same with the other friend, though she has continued to work and travel.
Being solo does come with challenges - I hate it that we pay accommodation (in Australia anyway), - a room at a hotel/motel is for two, and I am on my own so I pay for two! Going out solo at night has challenges, and many of my single female friends don't go out much after dark. There are all sorts of odd jobs around that house that need a man, women generally have less $$$$'s than their male counter parts and generally spend more on clothes, cosmetics, etc.
So I consider myself a work in progress, but for the moment travelling, writing, and trying to enjoy life is what keeps me going. Who knows what the future holds for me?