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How Important is Physical Chemistry in a Relationship?

Updated on May 27, 2019
EvieSparkes profile image

Evie Sparkes is a published novelist, content writer and company director from the UK.

What is Chemistry Between Couples

Chemistry is a surge of energy you get when you are together. That's the best way I can define it. Quite honestly it isn't easy to describe in words, but you know when you have it and more importantly, when you don't. It's a connection that is unique to you both. Perhaps each person feels it differently who knows. I often think about our feelings and how we assume others have the exact same one's. What if the colour blue actually looks completely different to someone else? How would you know? You wouldn't.

There are definitely different levels of chemistry. Sometimes it becomes more powerful over time, but more often than not, it is an instant feeling. It's like magnetism I suppose. You might find yourself wanting to touch them at every opportunity, looking at them when they aren't looking at you,

Every time I have been in a relationship without physical chemistry, it hasn't lasted. I know people that have gone on to have very successful relationships without that initial chemistry however.

Strong chemistry doesn't necessarily last, but it can. For me however, it's important at the beginning. If I don't have it, then deep down I know it won't develop. Chemistry is something you either have with someone or you don't. I have also had chemistry with someone and ended it because he would constantly question my feelings for him. In the end it got the better of me and the chemistry dwindled.

What actually creates strong chemistry is tough to nail down, but it's a mutual feeling. You can't have chemistry with someone if they don't feel it. It just doesn't work like that. When you have chemistry you have a connection that is like nothing else. You can also have it with friends not just partners.

During my school days I had two friends. One with which I had huge chemistry and one with which I didn't. There was nothing wrong with the that friendship however. It just felt like harder work. When you have chemistry you can just sit and say nothing if you feel so inclined. Where there is no chemistry you feel the need to fill the void.

Is Chemistry All You Need?

Although chemistry is important at the beginning of your relationship, it will not sustain it all by itself.

Are you compatible if you don't have chemistry? I think there's a difference between compatibility and chemistry. Many arranged marriages work because both husband and wife are compatible although they don't necessarily have physical chemistry.

Compatibility is the alignment of lifestyle choices and personal values between two people. If say, I met a beautiful twenty eight year old guy, we might have a ton of chemistry, but the chances that we'd be compatible are fairly slim.

Chemistry and Sex

If you have chemistry, the chances of good sex are increased. No chemistry often results in unsatisfactory and dare I say, boring sex. Chemistry means each of you instinctively knows what the other wants in bed. A lack of chemistry points probably makes you less inclined to ask.

It's the intensity that isn't there when there is a lack of chemistry. It can't be helped. Intense sex is always going to be more enjoyable than the average kind.

Should You Hold Out For Chemistry?

In a word...yes. It's my opinion that no-one should settle. There is someone out there for you. He or she is the one that will make you understand what's it's all about. Perhaps you have had chemistry with someone in the past. You already know the feeling and you have been disappointed not to have experienced it since. You feel like giving up and making do because maybe you're just being too picky.

I have a friend who continually finished with guys for ridiculous reasons. One time it was because he had horrible shoes! Fashion was a big turn off for her. She said it was a deal breaker and it appeared she meant it. However, a couple of years later she met a guy at a wedding. He had the worst shoes on and dressed in absolutely the wrong way for her strict relationship requirements. Guess what? They had the most amazing chemistry and now they are married.

You simply cannot fight chemistry. Even if the person in question is actually totally unsuitable, the chances are that you will ignore all of that in favour of great sex.

Comments

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    • EvieSparkes profile imageAUTHOR

      Evie Sparkes 

      12 months ago

      Yes for sure, things do change when you get into your forties. Your priorities change and chemistry is but a distant memory!

    • dashingscorpio profile image

      dashingscorpio 

      12 months ago from Chicago

      "Every time I have been in a relationship without physical chemistry, it hasn't lasted." Most folks won't enter into a relationship without it! For them it's like watching paint dry!

      "Although chemistry is important at the beginning of your relationship, it will not sustain it all by itself." - So true!

      It’s extremely difficult to let go of a “great sex partner” even if you know they are {not right for you} in many other ways.

      Most of us have experienced at one time or another being involved with someone who was absolutely incredible in bed but we had sense enough to move on for various other reasons.

      As people get older chemistry, passion, sexual compatibility tend to drop on the priority list of those in their 40s, 50s, and beyond.

      Instead they're looking for partners who are financially stable, loyal, personable, share similar values, hobbies, and interests.

      Companionship with a loving person and stability ranks higher than chemistry for older couples. Chemistry is the "icing" on the cake and not the cake itself. After riding the roller coaster of love during their youth what was once important becomes less so.

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