How Important is Physical Chemistry in a Relationship?
What is Chemistry Between Couples
Chemistry is a surge of energy you get when you are together. That's the best way I can define it. Quite honestly it isn't easy to describe in words, but you know when you have it and more importantly, when you don't. It's a connection that is unique to you both. Perhaps each person feels it differently who knows. I often think about our feelings and how we assume others have the exact same one's. What if the colour blue actually looks completely different to someone else? How would you know? You wouldn't.
There are definitely different levels of chemistry. Sometimes it becomes more powerful over time, but more often than not, it is an instant feeling. It's like magnetism I suppose. You might find yourself wanting to touch them at every opportunity, looking at them when they aren't looking at you,
Every time I have been in a relationship without physical chemistry, it hasn't lasted. I know people that have gone on to have very successful relationships without that initial chemistry however.
Strong chemistry doesn't necessarily last, but it can. For me however, it's important at the beginning. If I don't have it, then deep down I know it won't develop. Chemistry is something you either have with someone or you don't. I have also had chemistry with someone and ended it because he would constantly question my feelings for him. In the end it got the better of me and the chemistry dwindled.
What actually creates strong chemistry is tough to nail down, but it's a mutual feeling. You can't have chemistry with someone if they don't feel it. It just doesn't work like that. When you have chemistry you have a connection that is like nothing else. You can also have it with friends not just partners.
During my school days I had two friends. One with which I had huge chemistry and one with which I didn't. There was nothing wrong with the that friendship however. It just felt like harder work. When you have chemistry you can just sit and say nothing if you feel so inclined. Where there is no chemistry you feel the need to fill the void.
Is Chemistry All You Need?
Although chemistry is important at the beginning of your relationship, it will not sustain it all by itself.
Are you compatible if you don't have chemistry? I think there's a difference between compatibility and chemistry. Many arranged marriages work because both husband and wife are compatible although they don't necessarily have physical chemistry.
Compatibility is the alignment of lifestyle choices and personal values between two people. If say, I met a beautiful twenty eight year old guy, we might have a ton of chemistry, but the chances that we'd be compatible are fairly slim.
Chemistry and Sex
If you have chemistry, the chances of good sex are increased. No chemistry often results in unsatisfactory and dare I say, boring sex. Chemistry means each of you instinctively knows what the other wants in bed. A lack of chemistry points probably makes you less inclined to ask.
It's the intensity that isn't there when there is a lack of chemistry. It can't be helped. Intense sex is always going to be more enjoyable than the average kind.
Should You Hold Out For Chemistry?
In a word...yes. It's my opinion that no-one should settle. There is someone out there for you. He or she is the one that will make you understand what's it's all about. Perhaps you have had chemistry with someone in the past. You already know the feeling and you have been disappointed not to have experienced it since. You feel like giving up and making do because maybe you're just being too picky.
I have a friend who continually finished with guys for ridiculous reasons. One time it was because he had horrible shoes! Fashion was a big turn off for her. She said it was a deal breaker and it appeared she meant it. However, a couple of years later she met a guy at a wedding. He had the worst shoes on and dressed in absolutely the wrong way for her strict relationship requirements. Guess what? They had the most amazing chemistry and now they are married.
You simply cannot fight chemistry. Even if the person in question is actually totally unsuitable, the chances are that you will ignore all of that in favour of great sex.