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How Learning To Forgive Protects Our Integrity Emotions And Grace - 7 Steps To Effectively Forgive

Updated on June 5, 2011

How To Forgive And Forget...No such thing.

We have heard a million times to forgive and forget. But as we know that is almost impossible after being hurt and disappointed by people we respect and thought care about us.

Learning how to forget is what our parents (hopefully) have been instilling in us until we fully understood the concept.

Forgiveness is about extending grace that was extended to us by the Creator. And what we ask for every time we say or do something we want to be forgiven for. Why not extend the same grace we want extended to us? Are we deserving and not others? Is our pain more than our humanity? Well our manhood or womanhood be at stake by such an act?

We can not let pride dictate or control our lives to the point that we carry pain,guilt,and bitterness into our lives and ruin generations of family and potential good relationships.

How To Ask For Forgiveness And Why

A simple "Please forgive me." and "I am so sorry." can go a long way to heal and prevent bitterness and pent up destroying anger. Ask what can you do to make things right, even if there is nothing you can really do. Just by saying these word have started a positive karma for you.

The angered person will always remember this and later, sometimes much later find it in their heart to forgive you and respect that you tried. It's not up to you to make someone forgive you. That's coercion, force has no part here. But you would have taken the right steps to relieved some pain from at least trying.

These words may also soften the other persons heart and give them permission to forgive. They are already aware that asking for forgiveness is a hard thing to do. The process is therapeutic to both involved.

The point is forgive yourself first, forgive the other person and start the process by apologizing and asking for forgiveness or. This will save your relationship and begin the healing process.

Excepting forgiveness is forgiveness. Holding on to anger and grief will hurt you and the other person. You don't think so? You think the poison inside causing you to lock up your heart is helpful to you and others around you? Your wrong.

The closest people to you can see the evil lines on your face and hear the harsh words come from your mouth and learn to do the same. If it's a child learning from you they will take this poison into their future and damage relationships.

The people around you will not trust you emotionally because you are bitter and are not in control of your own emotions because you are controlled by past grudges.

This world would be a better place if people would just forgive. Forgive the people you learned such bad behavior from, forgive the person the would not forgive you, forgive yourself for your past reactions and responses to matters you should have handled differently. This will set you free in your heart and mind. Free to live the life and have the relationship you deserve.

6 Reasons To Forgive

  1. Christ (Creator) forgave us.
  2. It benefits you and your future relationships.
  3. Integrity of the heart.Pride causes more pain.
  4. Give grace to receive grace and forgiveness.
  5. Forgiveness saves love,
  6. Can't have a relationship without it.

Forgiveness must become a common practice if you want to enjoy long relationships. Most relationships today are disposable before they begin because of pride and the inability to forgive.

This can not be what you want for your future. This will mean dating over and over again. You will never find the perfect person that never makes mistakes. You have to let go and forgive the past. Whether it was your parents or first breakup.

You have to forgive the past and move into your future. If you have been setting guidelines up because of your past situation you have already condemned your relationship.

You are not in the great relationship you should be in if your not giving your full self. Forgive your past and forgive yourself for condemning yourself to a mediocre future.

How To Forgive

Dearest brother or sister I pray dearly that this helps someone. I am free and will love for you to know this beautiful feeling. I have made mistakes and had to ask for forgiveness and also had to forgive.

This is not always easy but we are not perfect people. I love dearly the beautiful people in my life that love me unconditionally like a mother loves her child and our Creator loves us. There is no wrong that we can do to ruin this love.

It has taken me years to reach this level of thought and sometimes truly challenged but will always forgive. I pray you learn how also. I know there are also terrible people you must forgive also. But you must clean your heart and do this. We all have a higher power to answer to.

But specifically in our relationships why do we condemn so, when a stranger or child is forgiven so easily. If we should treat our mates like we treat our children we will be together for ever!

7 Private Steps To Work Through Forgiveness

The steps below are to help you in your thoughts in your forgiveness process. I know how it can be when you forgive and the bad deed in fresh in your head.

  1. I forgive ________ for what you have done.
  2. _____________ that was done is wrong.
  3. I will not allow what happened to stop our personal growth.
  4. I do not expect the wrong to be made up after I forgave.
  5. I will not use the bad deed to be manipulative.
  6. I will not define you for the bad deed but offer you grace that I hope you will offer me when the time comes.
  7. I will continue to love and respect you.

As far as forgiving and forgetting. if you truly forgive you will eventually turn the deed into meaningless space. Because you have already established your team of "we" is more important.

Granit some mistakes that happen over and over again are not mistakes and you will have to forgive and move on to a better life. Leaving the poison behind.

Let's face it everyone is not worthy of our time. But the same person will respect you and later be the best person you could have ever end up with just because of the forgiveness your offered today.

It's true many long term relationships have begun after bad deeds and forgiveness. Some people do not know what love is until they experience it for the first time through forgiveness and grace. There is no true love without this combination. How to forgive is how we build and save our self, families and relationships.

Just imagine a relationship where both people feel free to live together with the emotional trust that they are commited to each others feelings and emotions. How the past mistakes were forgiven and personal growth within has made them a stronger unit. Couples that have learned to forgive have learned how to stay together.

If you don't know how to communicate and say the words to prevent conflict and move on after conflict there are some resources at and


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    • Elearn4Life profile image

      Darlene Matthews 6 years ago

      Exactly!!! Helpful Hanna. Thanks for your comment!

    • profile image

      Helpful Hanna 6 years ago

      Forgiveness is so important to our own well being. Great hub!