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How Not to Flirt With a Guy (Tips on What to Avoid)

Updated on October 8, 2010

(The usual disclaimer: I don't know; maybe some guys like these things. I really, really don't. Really.)

We learn to interact with people better over time, after a period of growth and experience, and our attempts to flirt and such during our early years may be a bit awkward. This is understandable, but sometimes, due to circumstances in life, some of us bloom later than others in this department and this is where this hub comes in. If you have not yet noticed the things that just shouldn't be done, I have compiled a list of things that have been done to me that just did not do the trick in seducing me.

Most of all, it is good to keep in mind that if he doesn't really like you in the first place, or you are basically incompatible, there's not a whole lot that can be done to entice him. These things will usually never work and, while they may get his attention, they will usually not draw any kind of real interest from him.

Things you really shouldn't do:

Don't coddle him.

This can take one of two forms.

First of all, don't hold him without his asking.

Yes, I know this sounds weird: "Holding a guy? Why would you do that?" Except it has been done to me. This is not totally uncommon if the guy is kind of small and the girl is a little younger and more awkward and unsure of how to approach him.

There are definitely exceptions, but most guys do not like to be held or coddled in the sense where you are in indirect control of his body. (He does not want to be reminded of his mom. That's not sexy.) Most guys like to hold, not be held. It feels unnatural to him if you attempt to grab him and subdue him at all.

Second of all, do not cling to him if he has not shown an eagerness for contact.

If you cling to him and make it so he has to work more to move, he will very much not appreciate it unless he really likes you. If he likes you, he probably would have reached for you in the first place.

Keep your contact limited to simple touching at first, not outright limb-tangling, and gauge his reaction from there. If he does not try to escalate the touching at all, do not do it for him, or only attempt to escalate it slowly. Err on the side of subtlety. Get very close to him only when it's clear he'll appreciate it. If he tries to get away from your embrace, let him go immediately.

Don't follow him around.

Wait for him to come back. If he likes you, he'll come back and talk to you, but don't follow him around.

Maybe he wants to talk about you to his friend. Maybe you got him excited and he needs a breather. Either way, allow him to move around freely and don't make him feel as if you're breathing down his neck.

Don't show him body parts without his asking.

He might want to see it, he might not. Don't assume he does, just because he's a guy. If he wants to see various unmentionable parts of your body, he'll probably ask or will say yes if you ask if he wants to see them. If he at all hesitates or gives a vague answer when you offer to flash him your goods, that probably means he's not really interested in seeing them.

If you just show him out of nowhere, he'll quite possibly wonder why you're making the assumption that he wants to see them. Not all guys are so sleazy that that's all they care about and, more importantly, he may not be interested just yet in seeing those parts of you. Maybe the context is wrong (in public) or maybe he's not interested in you.

Either way, save it for when you know he definitely wants to see it. Otherwise, things could get awkward really fast.

Don't be overly rough with him

Needless to say, most guys expect girls to be somewhat more gentle than other men. While guys might be used to wrestling each other and getting into playful physical altercations, it is unusual for a girl to be equally rough. If she is as rough as a man, that's usually fine, too, it's just that it's unlikely to breed romantic feelings and it's a poor flirtation strategy.

If you're putting him in a headlock, he'll come to associate you with pain and for most guys who aren't masochists, that doesn't really turn them on. A little playful punch here or there works, but if you're too good at making him scream "uncle," he's not going to associate your hands with the gentle caress of a lover.

Really, wouldn't it be the same the other way around? If a guy wanted nothing more than to attack you constantly and painfully, would you readily see him as more than a friend?

So, yeah, try to avoid these things.


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      Nadia 5 years ago

      Awesome tips! I want the guy I love to know that I really love him and that I'm not just flirting like everyone else.

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