How Not to Offend Anyone Online

good piece. But i also know that no matter how good you try to be in life and online, people must be offended.

Just read this! Good one. Yes, some of us are blessed with the gift of worrying about offending others in everything we do. Myself included. It's a fine line between voicing your passionate opinion, being bombastic, and being considerate of everyone's feelings. Tough. :)

Hi Jodah - Thanks for sharing this article about behavior when folks cannot see you. I have mostly encountered problems when texting but not too many times. I am careful what I say. You are very kind when you write and don't offend persons. The problem is usually the other person who may take offense to anything we say or act like a troll. Glad you wrote this for all to see and remind themselves of appropriate language. Blessings, Audrey

Yes, I turn up like a bad penny all over the place! :) You're welcome.

Superb advice here, John. It's always good to be tolerant, polite and well-mannered, wherever we are. The problem, as you say, is that we can't hear or see any of the intonation and body language and that's at least 50% of communication.

Many a time I've re-written something because I've thought, 'no, that can be taken the wrong way' but still I've managed, just once I think, to offend someone. That person took things completely the wrong way but when I re-read my words I could sort of see why; I apologised but damage was done.

You've summed it all up well in your poem. Sharing this in the hope that it'll reach as many people as possible.

Ann

You are right, Jodah. I've done most of the bad things you listed, except deliberately being a troll. I'm learning to keep my lips zipped better than before----but once in awhile, I still feel outraged by the desensitization that happens as a result of internet garbage. Some of the questions our "valued" hubbers ask are just too awful. It's like, get a life or get real. Sheesh! Nevertheless, your hub is excellent and I will "do better."

Thank you for reminding us to have manners and to follow the Golden Rule, so to speak.

Gee whiz, now I'M involved in an online misunderstanding! (Embarrassed sigh)

No, you did not say online shaming was only a danger for those already famous. I was referring to your joke, "Maybe it depends on if you already have a good reputation - I'm still trying to get one. ;-)" That sounded to me like reputation loss can only damage you if you have a brand built up ... but I know it was mostly just a joke. So sorry ... I do tend to over-analyze sometimes ...

Jodah ... I do HIGHLY recommend the book So You've Been Publicly Shamed. It's very readable, and I think it's an excellent warning for us all ... both about what could happen to us if we're not careful, and also so that we avoid joining in ruining other people via a social-media pile-on.

You have a good reputation with this reader. But, if you mean that shaming is only a danger for those who are already famous, unfortunately that's not true. Some of the folks in that book were not public figures before they became instantly known nationwide (or even worldwide) for some foolish thing they said.

John

I just had to go check out number six but I would say even with the facts try to allow for the other person seeing it another way!

Lawrence

Example the glass may be half full or even half empty but its the same glass we see!

Good tips, Jodah. I especially like number 6. Knowledge gives us the edge.

Hey Jodah, I came here to read some more comments since I'm following this hub, and I caught my own comment again. I made it before my online fiasco the other day. I had to giggle a little, because I think that I was spot on with the comment I made here. lol... This is such an important hub to read!

Oh, reminds me when I offended a very Christian woman in Bubblews. She wrote a post about the different meanings of the word "Johnson".

Just for fun I left in the comments "and what about Big Johnson?"

She threaten to complain and ban me from the site. It was like getting a law order to stay 30ft away from her profile and posts.

Awesome article, thanks for the commonsense advice.

When I first saw your title, I thought the Hub might turn out to be very short, consisting of these words, "Don't write anything online."

It seems that in order to offend, all you need to do is simply make some kind of generalization. About - anything.

This is a real quandry for me. I love to write, and because of my life circumstances, online writing seems to offer my best chance of doing so. But. After reading So You've Been Publicly Shamed, by Jon Ronson, I have to seriously consider whether writing online might not be worth the risk. His book is full of stories of people for whom a few ill-chosen words, which happened to be publicized widely, ruined their reputation, lost them their jobs, and just generally crushed them.

The odds of that happening are small, because so many people write online. But - it could happen to anyone. Something to think about.

Great Hub.

need of the hour

John.

Thanks for that. I still need reminding though to be careful how things are written.

Lawrence

John

Superb hub and ouch! Yes I know I've offended people here at times, I haven't meant to but it's happened.

I've tried to apologize but not every apology is going to be accepted, it all depends on the space the offended party is in (and whether we should have said things in the first place!)

You had a list of things not to write about, sadly for me they include three of the four things that really interest me, I want tk get my worldview challenged! I want to try and understand the 'other side' and I want logic in the discussion! Does that sound wrong?

One thing I would say is be careful what you write.

You made such a good point here. I just NEVER enter into discussions on controversial topics , all I sometimes do is expressing an idea through an image.

Oops -- I meant to type: "What a thoughtful, timely hub, John," but my comment got away from me before I could edit it. Sorry about that. (Now see...that wasn't so hard .:-)

What a thoughtful hub, timely John. I can't imagine you being offensive to anyone. But we need to remind ourselves when communicating that others cannot see us or interpret our feelings or intent through the typed word. I detest confrontation or conflict. (The only exception is when it comes to defending/protecting someone I love. Then, all bets are off, so to speak. :-)

"Don't pretend to be an expert in fields where you are not knowledgeable or educated. If you find out you have said something wrong or incorrect..for God's sake.. APOLOGISE!"

Absolutely. All one needs to "say," is, "I'm sorry, that was my mistake." It's amazing how many people can't seem to admit when they are wrong, or apologize; it seems to be a growing epidemic of sorts these days.

And I loved the inclusion of one of my favorites, Joe Cocker (RIP)

A well put together hub. Sometimes people say things they don't mean but should actually think carefully before putting it all out there.

Wonderfully written.

I just want to point out that it is good to offend people sometimes and to be offended. Sometimes we get so used to getting what we want, we lose track of this. Things that are offensive, often end up facilitating growth and tolerance in the end.

We should feel people out first when possible though, and always maintain at least some sensitivity to the beliefs of others.

To not offend and to avoid being offended can be difficult. An interesting hub and I just love those images.

Yes, indeed we live and learn. I think all our words have misrepresented us at one time or the other.

Hey, did you win a hubbie this year? I voted for you on several categories, for sure best poet.

I also noticed you just had an anniversary. Happy Belated Anniversary to you and your wife. :)

Yes, this subject has come up in conversation a few times with friends who have taken my words in the wrong way. I think it is hard, because even I take things wrong. Great tips on how not to be caught up in that, but I'm not really sure it's something we can totally avoid. By all means, yes, give it our best try, but our best try may not always work. :(

Great Hub! :)

Your article has left us all with very useful information and common sense. I liked your poem. I think sometimes people do not think when they write something. Misinterpretation can also be another big factor. Great Hub,

Excellent advice John.

There are certain topics I refrain from getting into online just because I realize how easy it is to misunderstand one's comments without the full communication available with body language in a face to face discussion.

I don't avoid the same topics in live conversation with friends and even associates, and it works well under those conditions even when there are disagreements.

The thing is that in a live conversation, people can explain themselves better when they see the expression on the other person's face indicating they may be missing the meaning behind the statement. When the same things happens online, and without the realtime visual feedback, a little misunderstanding can escalate into a major issue.

By the way, nice poem at the end, too.

Your writings are filled with knowledge and power. Thank you for all the wonderful topics you cover. I will think twice before I hit send. Congratulations on your anniversary. May you have an extraordinary day!

Great advice, John. I think we've all been on the end of both sides of the stick and unintentionally so. Without hearing inflections, it's very easy to misinterpret the written word, especially when the topic is controversial or personal. I try to be cognizant of how I may come across to some, but it doesn't always work out that way. Some people just want to argue and/or accuse. I try to steer clear of negative nellies. However, I'll admit I've had to apologize for my words more than once in my nearly six decades on this planet. I try not to be offensive, but sometimes the tongue has its own agenda. For the most part though, I think I've got that wicked tongue under wraps.

It's a nice thought, John, but I offend folks by existing.

The autocorrect feature sure doesn't help. You can type one thing and if you're not careful the word can be entirely changed to something else. Sometimes it's a nonsense word and sometimes it makes you seem just mean. Yes, re-read.

Great article, Jodah. I try hard not to offend, but in response to a comment on an HP article, another reader (not the writer) seemed offended and stopped short of calling me a fool. So now, I try even harder. Thanks for your wise counsel on this matter.

Great suggestions, John! I would hope that we here are HP would not do so deliberately. “You can please some of the people all of the time, you can please all of the people some of the time, but you can’t please all of the people all of the time”. When we consider that this was written by an English monk and poet from the 14th century, we can see that this is a common issue of humanity:)

I love your line, Jodah: 'It's easy to offend ... think before you send.'

I could add: 'If opprobrium you feel, try to conceal your zeal.' But I won't. :)

John is a sensitive guy, Clive, and there's nothing wrong with that : )

people are just too touchy online. They need to live a little

It is tough communicating clearly and succinctly on line, always keeping in mind the myriad ways anything might be interpreted. Thank you for excellent suggestions.

Very well stated, well organized, and I loved your photos.

Wonderful article, John, and you are truly an easy going guy no doubt! This is a timely hub : ) ... The word "decorum" comes to my mind in these matters. My sweet mother taught us if we have nothing nice to say then say nothing at all. However, no disrespect to my dear mother, there are times when we must stand up for our beliefs come what may as we are passionate about them, regardless if they are bound to be those who disagree. That old saying comes to mind, "If we stand for nothing, we will fall for anything." I am not for censorship of any kind unless it harms another.

Having stated that, however, there is a proper way to make a comment without offending that lends itself useful to the discussion. A lot of times, we tend to make a comment without any harm intended but then in an afterthought realize it could have very well unintentionally belittled or harmed another, even if in some small way. As you point out here, it is always best to apologize regardless if there was any intent to cause harm.

I was not offended in any way in your jesting on the forum, please know, however, I wanted to make an attempt to point out that there are those who will win in certain categories, and because of the jesting going on, may (or may not) feel slighted or belittled, even if unintentional. I am one to always jump in for the underdog it seems, and I hope my comments in defense of those not there did not offend anyone either, especially you. I tried my best to use decorum in my responses, but if I failed I apologize as well.

On another note, I voted for your Masterpiece hub as most beautiful (for it was full of community spirit, and the collaboration of all who participated produced one beautiful hub) and you as Best Community Activist in rallying the community in other areas too. I know my good friend, Jackie, won and I am happy for her, although I voted for her in another category. It's all good though.

Peace and blessings always ... and please never change from your easy going self, as that is what endears us all to you and your beautiful poetry.

(Oh, your wife's drawing of you is awesome. Oops, you have "An easy gong" guy underneath though.)

Hugs ... and I know you publishing this is not meant to indirectly harm me in any way.

I know better but I continue praising Hillary Clinton, and I get a few remarks that are unfriendly. Will I stop? Probably not. We must stand up for something when we feel strongly about anyone or anything. By putting Jo Cocker on your hub I forgive you. ( I can't think of anything I need to forgive you for. ) lol. Great advice John! I stay away from the forums after learning my lesson. Most do not like poetry. Go figure?

Words of wisdom my friend - I truly enjoyed this hub. It's a must read for anyone who takes their writing very seriously- definitely sharing.

A very sweet article, John, but it’s a little milquetoast for me, no offense intended. LOL I was trained as a reporter, and I think that sensitivity training got lost somewhere. Seriously, I’ve been on the other end and know how it feels. A hub writer that I respected and followed made the crackpot statement in a hub that had nothing to do with the subject that she didn’t like Southerners (in the USA) and was almost afraid of them. Needless to say, I lost respect and admiration for her, so I understand what you are saying. On the other hand, inexperienced writers ask for our help, and then get offended when we experienced ones give it. So what’s a body to do?

You were quite honest in dealing with a delicate subject of which all of us are a part and we have faced criticism directly or indirectly. I must say that your sincere apologies reflect an objective approach of yours rather considering it as an offended one. As you said the online contents are always open for criticism, there should be a mechanism for check and balance so as to ensure a two way beneficiaries comprises of both critics and the writers. The tips at the end are quite impressive Jodah. Thanks for sharing.

Thanks. I avoid the forums it is so often used for a place to discuss questions without answers.

Lots of wisdom offered her. I especially liked no. 5 above. Now, I'll sit and ponder what prompted this hub.

A very relevant hub for today's world of immense non-face to face online communication. As you quite rightly say, it is all too easy to misinterpret what someone has written. Great hub :-)

I wish more people were as level-headed and respectful as you. Sadly, a lot of people get upset really easily and not even only online, but IRL too. Although for some reason, people can be offensive more easily online, which seems counterintuitive, because online you have the option to check and edit what you're saying.

It's happened to all of us, right? I think the only way to definitely not offend online is to not be online. :) But your suggestions are definitely helpful, John.

Excellent work here my friend and great photos. Well done. whonu