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- Advice & Tips for Women in Relationships
How Should Married Women Behave?
Be a wise wife
I have been married seven years now and before I married I had a few marriage examples that I closely observed, they taught me a lot about what to do and what not to do. There is so much advice out there but if we really want our marriages to last we must first start with Godly principles. We can not go into a marriage thinking that it will be all about us or that we can do whatever we want. Marriage can be beautiful and it is a challenge to navigate through it successfully. As much as it is a team effort it is also an individual journey. When my husband is not around or when I am not with him, do we honor our vows? Do we do everything possible to guard our marriage from any attack? Do we close doors that can lead to temptations? Do we absolutely believe in what we have and protect it? There is an intricate role to be played by both the man and woman. Their is so much to be said about both, but I would like to consider the role of the woman. Married women should feel happy and safe in their role. They should feel beautiful and strong. Married women should possess courage and wisdom. They should have a demeanor that speaks confidence. There are so many women that want to be married that wish they were blessed to be chosen, to be loved and adored. So when love finds you do not treated it so carelessly, protect it and cherish it, like precious gold.
To become a man's wife brings a woman new responsibilities. How should a married woman behave herself? Should she flaunt her beauty? Is it okay for her to go where unmarried women go and to act like her friends who are not married? Should she think it is okay to boss her man and do whatever she pleases? Does she have to be submissive and take whatever the man does?
The answers are not always as simple as yes and no. As a Christian woman, looking to the Bible for advice and applying the principles, I am learning that the answers are not that hard to find if I just diligently do what is right. Doing what is right does not mean that it will be fair all the time or that your husband will do the same.
So here is an important tip: Be a wise wife, know your husband's strengths and weaknesses, and how to help him progress in the best way. Behave as a lady and be pleasing to him in every positive way. I am not particularly speaking about sensual things, which is the easy part; I am speaking of attitude and demeanor. The way you behave conveys where your heart is.
A good man wants to feel safe and needed. He wants to know that his wife is only his and that he can provide for her. He wants to believe that she has his side even when he is not sure of himself. The man's ego causes him to dominate, and even if he does not have everything together he wants you to make him feel like he does. Hey just go along with it, you know the truth. But that does not matter all the time. Believe me many men know when things could or should be better. If we offer kindness and reassurance that we are there for support, that love itself, gives them confidence and they give us their hearts.
Appearance seems to be everything to a man.
Remember how he looked at you the first time he saw you? Remember what attracted him to you? Maybe it was partly your intelligence or your interests, but a big part of it was how you looked to him. No doubt many good husbands honestly love their wives no matter how they look, but if a wife wants to keep him in awe she should always keep up her appearance. Realistically, your weight might change do to kids or health issues, but it should not get outrageous and if it does you should try to get it under control. Remember there are so many whorish women that have no honor. They do not care that a man is married. They take what they want and even if your husband is strong the temptation can be great if it is the right poison. So to be beautiful is a constant priority, it is a must do to keep your husband happy even if he does not admit it. Of course, women should have self-pride, married or not. Mothers with daughters need to also show their daughters how important it is to be a well-kept woman. It never fails when I look my best not only do I feel more confident, but my husband's eyes light up.
Do not think that it is demeaning to display yourself for him. It is your tool. Be the gracious woman of his dreams. If he prefers you to wear a dress instead of the fitting pants that you like, why fight him about it? He just does not want other men to want you.
Not allowing yourself to lust after another man
If your like a man with dimples, tall, dark and handsome, or whatever your preference, flirting and tempting yourself with infidelity is not a wise idea. Often through the storms of marriage, husbands tend to pay wives less attention or sometimes couples grow apart. The answer is never to turn to another man. Work with the man you said I do to. Do not put yourself in away that cause you to go against your vows. Married people should not be along to grow close to people they are attracted to. When you feel a strong attraction that can compromise your marriage, run. It is never okay to just throw away a marriage because of lust or any other reason. Of course, divorce is sometimes necessary, but so many people are getting divorced so quickly and without giving marriage a real fight. Do not put your love into another man when you have invested your heart in your husband. To really have something great it has to be tried and put to the test. Marriage has to be built and it has to be tested in order to be strong. So many spouses are failing the test, we have to say no to temptations and to the start of things that will cause our marriages harm.
Supporting your husband
Standing by your man does not always mean that he will make the right decisions. But if you believe in him and show that you have confidence in him no matter what he will be more driven to accomplish his goals. The power of a woman's love and support gives a man his drive. Lets face it men operate differently than women, they prioritize differently, love differently, and go about things totally differently than women. So trying to understand where his mind is, might be a waste of your time. Instead focus on how to help him be his best and just let him lead. I have noticed in my own life that my husband is capable of leading when I let him do so with peace. I could see a quicker way to do something he might think of it the long way. If taking the long way means we will be happy well then that is the way to go. When a woman recognizes her role she can make her marriage beautiful.
Avoiding arguments can bring you a lot of peace
It has taken me seven years to realize I can accomplish so much more being silent, than if I screamed and forced him to hear me out. Sometimes I have to let him see how wrong he is and then just give him that look that means I knew all along. He might feel slightly embarrassed, but between the two of us we know what he should have done without the fuss. When men say that women nag they mean they talk too much. I think they like us better when we say important things in a nice calm voice and show how we feel through our actions. For example, when I stay to myself my husband knows something is wrong and instead of me screaming, and him ignoring me, I draw his attention in a way where I have his undivided attention so he can hear me when I reply to his wondering. Sometimes we have to loose some battles and other times we just have to be strong. I think in today's society people are so spoiled. It is an instant world, we expect everything to be what we want or we go trade in for another. Sometimes we just have to be strong especially when we know we have a good man.
Do not try to change a man
To think you can change a man that is a player and marry him while he is crazy about you, is risky. Do not be surprised when he cheats. Or if he did not want children in the beginning chances are you will not change his mind. I know women marry guys that we have such great visions for but then they just do not want to be what we always see for them. You have to work with whatever he is the best you can. Hopefully he is a principled person at least. If not that is something that should have been noted from the beginning. I know the truth hurts but many marriages are based on unrealistic expectations. And because they are built on lies they fall hard. So deal with what is and not with what it could be. You get what you marry. My dad once said to me that people evolve as they get older and if you marry young the person you marry will change as they learn themselves. The best change happens in people when they want it for themselves. Of course, wives and husbands should encourage positive changes in their spouse's lives but they should understand the facts as well.
Do not let anyone come between the two of you
Parents envision how their grown children's lives should go. Friends like to get in your personal business. But no matter the reasons when it comes to your marriage, you must be careful how much you let others opinions influence you marriage experience. Of course, I want to hear constructive advice, but I have to put it into perspective and not allow it to dictate my actions.
Another important point is that the needs of family come second when you are married. If your relationship with your family divides you and your husband than you have to make changes. It is only fair. So many marriages are sabotaged by spouses allowing their relatives, friends, and others to come first.
The best thing is to communicate your feelings about family or friends and come to an agreement that is suitable for your marriage. Your marriage comes before the rest. Of course this does not mean to neglect your children in anyway. Many parents have to juggle with alone time and with spending quality family time. Both task are equally important.The challenge is finding a safe balance.
Love him in the broke times.
If you really have a heart for your husband you will be happy with him when he does not have money for you to shop. As long as the two of you have love, money should not matter as much. I know money is a much needed tool but it is not the most important. Work with what you have, if you have to thrift shop that is okay. So many women forsake good men for materialistic reasons. If you can stand him while he has nothing imagine how happy he will be to share with you when he has money. Love is the main detail work through the money troubles, figure it out. If you have to do your own hair and nails, learn how to do a good job.
Build your marriage
It is worth the fight. Married women have the right to love liberally, to be beautiful and confident. Remembering what drew them to their love and what will keep them together. With faith, love, and sacrifice a married woman can possess the right demeanor in her marriage and keep it healthy. Of course, the man has to work at it to. A wise woman once told me to focus on what I need to do that is right and to not worry as much about what the man needs to do. I can be an example to him with my behavior and he will notice. In the end, if your marriage fails you want to feel well knowing that you did what was right on your part even if the man refused to do as well.
When to walk away?
When all is said and done and there is no way for God to work, then you must do what you should do. Some walk away because of infidelity others because of criminal activities or just because there is no agreement and how can to walk together except they agree? Forgiveness and counceling is always an option but in the end the two of you have to live with the decision.
No matter what, be a lady with grace and beauty do not let defeat destroy you, do not allow bitterness to deceive you. Just because one man is evil does not make the rest of men the same. Learn from mistakes and marry for the right reasons. Choose your mate wisely and check yourself. At times we blame everyone around us when we are the problem.
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© 2013 Dominique Broomfield