ArtsAutosBooksBusinessEducationEntertainmentFamilyFashionFoodGamesGenderHealthHolidaysHomeHubPagesPersonal FinancePetsPoliticsReligionSportsTechnologyTravel

How Sleeping in Separate Beds Saved Our Marriage

Updated on January 30, 2016

Now I know that there are a ton of questions.

After reading that title, you must be thinking- “Really?” “How does that work?” “Are you in the same room?” “What size beds are you sleeping on?” “Is that really healthy?” and I’m sure there are others too. And I assure you that I will answer all these questions, so let’s get started.

Sleeping in separate beds wasn’t a decision that we came to lightly.

And it certainly wasn’t something that we ever expected to happen. There have been times that we were able to sleep in the same bed together and it was great, but as time went on, it got harder and harder. Getting into the mechanics of it- I’m a deep sleeper that will toss and turn all night, and Jon is a super light sleeper and will wake up to anything. You can see the problem already! ;) While we were trying to sleep in the same bed, my tossing around would wake Jon up and he was struggling to get back to sleep. Over time he became very anxious, anticipating the next time I was going to roll over and wake him up again. This led each of us, at different times, to go sleep on the couch during the night. Either Jon would wake up and go to the couch. Or I would hear him turn over angrily, and I would go to the couch to give him the bed for the remainder of the night. Very quickly we could tell that there was a lot of tension and hostility in the bedroom.

It was not a sanctuary or a happy place.

It became that place where we were uneasy with each other and our love was a little bit less. This hostility was also affecting our sex life. It’s difficult to want to have sex when the place we would share passion for each other, was a place where our love was dying. Something had to change quickly…"for better or for worse". So Jon and I got into the habit of asking how each other slept the night before, and we were noticing that when we slept apart, it was more restful. Yikes! This is not a fact that we wanted to admit, but it WAS our reality. We sleep better alone. Is that wrong? Does that make us incompatible? Not at all!! Sleeping in the same bed is just a tradition that we are all accustomed to but has no bearing on a successful marriage. It works great for many, but definitely not for all. Let’s think about this practically- when we are sleeping, we are not talking to each other- we are recharging our bodies. It’s super important for our own health and well-being to be rested. For us, it really just came down to science.

After this realization, we decided to test it out and intentionally slept in separate beds.

This way we would be avoiding our middle of the night fight session of who would sleep in bed and who would sleep on the couch. The results were amazing and scary. We were getting restful sleep and we weren’t waking up angry. Again, it was a little unsettling at first at the idea of sleeping separately. But once we talked about the practicality of the situation and what it looked like for us, and our marriage, we found peace. It was a little odd at first, since we had the idea that we needed to be in the same bed. But little by little, everything started to improve.

How does this look in reality?

We are both still sleeping in the master bedroom but on 2 twin beds. Imagine a bedroom from the 60’s- like The Dick Van Dyke Show. To them, this was just the way it was. And their love was strong and they were well-rested. And if you’re wondering about sex, we just push the beds together to make a king size bed- and it becomes the marriage bed. It’s kind of a beautiful picture. We can sleep separate, then share our love and passion when we join our beds together. What was once a place of hostility and frustration, has become the place where our love was renewed. What could have easily destroyed our marriage is the thing that has made us stronger.

Let’s look at the benefits that we have discovered.

- More restful sleep

- No more fighting over the covers (haha!)

- Customizing the bed to your comfort level- any type of sheets you like, hard or soft mattress, etc...

- As many pillows and blankets as you like

- Never getting woken up in the middle of the night by your partner/spouse

- Wear whatever you want or nothing at all

- Not accidentally getting kicked or punched during the night

- You can still wake up next to sometime, just a little space between you

- No longer having to lug a giant mattress up and down stairs when moving

It’s not for everyone!

And this is a very important fact to keep in mind. What works for one couple isn’t going to work for another. If your marriage is rocky and you can’t figure out why, ask yourself how your sleep is. Are you getting restful sleep? Could you be harboring resentment toward your spouse because they snore or roll around and keep you up? Are you intimate on a regular basis? Don’t allow your relationship to be in jeopardy because you fear sleeping in separate beds. It saved our marriage and it could save yours too! Cheers!

For those of you still sharing a bed...

Would you consider separate beds if it helped improve your relationship or sex life?

See results


    0 of 8192 characters used
    Post Comment
    • profile imageAUTHOR

      Chad Slaytor 

      3 years ago from Virginia

      Exactly schoolgirlrforreal!! This wasn't a decision that we made lightly. It certainly wasn't ideal, but we made a decision together, based on our situation and the importance of having a strong marriage and foundation. And now, it seems like we spend more time napping and cuddling beforehand ;) Thanks for commenting!

    • PoetwoPoem profile image

      Rudy Lopez 

      3 years ago from Dallas

      Very good article, I totally agree though I don't really like it And I've been through that situation. In the long run, It works well once you get accustomed.

    • schoolgirlforreal profile image


      3 years ago

      Awesome! Great idea to improve sleep! I agree to this idea, you can always spend time napping/cuddling in bed, just not to sleep.


    This website uses cookies

    As a user in the EEA, your approval is needed on a few things. To provide a better website experience, uses cookies (and other similar technologies) and may collect, process, and share personal data. Please choose which areas of our service you consent to our doing so.

    For more information on managing or withdrawing consents and how we handle data, visit our Privacy Policy at:

    Show Details
    HubPages Device IDThis is used to identify particular browsers or devices when the access the service, and is used for security reasons.
    LoginThis is necessary to sign in to the HubPages Service.
    Google RecaptchaThis is used to prevent bots and spam. (Privacy Policy)
    AkismetThis is used to detect comment spam. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide data on traffic to our website, all personally identifyable data is anonymized. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Traffic PixelThis is used to collect data on traffic to articles and other pages on our site. Unless you are signed in to a HubPages account, all personally identifiable information is anonymized.
    Amazon Web ServicesThis is a cloud services platform that we used to host our service. (Privacy Policy)
    CloudflareThis is a cloud CDN service that we use to efficiently deliver files required for our service to operate such as javascript, cascading style sheets, images, and videos. (Privacy Policy)
    Google Hosted LibrariesJavascript software libraries such as jQuery are loaded at endpoints on the or domains, for performance and efficiency reasons. (Privacy Policy)
    Google Custom SearchThis is feature allows you to search the site. (Privacy Policy)
    Google MapsSome articles have Google Maps embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    Google ChartsThis is used to display charts and graphs on articles and the author center. (Privacy Policy)
    Google AdSense Host APIThis service allows you to sign up for or associate a Google AdSense account with HubPages, so that you can earn money from ads on your articles. No data is shared unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Google YouTubeSome articles have YouTube videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    VimeoSome articles have Vimeo videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    PaypalThis is used for a registered author who enrolls in the HubPages Earnings program and requests to be paid via PayPal. No data is shared with Paypal unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook LoginYou can use this to streamline signing up for, or signing in to your Hubpages account. No data is shared with Facebook unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    MavenThis supports the Maven widget and search functionality. (Privacy Policy)
    Google AdSenseThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Google DoubleClickGoogle provides ad serving technology and runs an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Index ExchangeThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    SovrnThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook AdsThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Unified Ad MarketplaceThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    AppNexusThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    OpenxThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Rubicon ProjectThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    TripleLiftThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Say MediaWe partner with Say Media to deliver ad campaigns on our sites. (Privacy Policy)
    Remarketing PixelsWe may use remarketing pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to advertise the HubPages Service to people that have visited our sites.
    Conversion Tracking PixelsWe may use conversion tracking pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to identify when an advertisement has successfully resulted in the desired action, such as signing up for the HubPages Service or publishing an article on the HubPages Service.
    Author Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide traffic data and reports to the authors of articles on the HubPages Service. (Privacy Policy)
    ComscoreComScore is a media measurement and analytics company providing marketing data and analytics to enterprises, media and advertising agencies, and publishers. Non-consent will result in ComScore only processing obfuscated personal data. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Tracking PixelSome articles display amazon products as part of the Amazon Affiliate program, this pixel provides traffic statistics for those products (Privacy Policy)