How To Avoid Romantic Disasters
Turn Disaster To Darling, I Love You By Memorizing This Story. . .
Yeah, I'm that guy. The guy who thinks, or used to think, that I was an attractive man when it came to dating the girls in my hometown. Nothing could be further from the truth. But to find out just how foolish, gullible, and down-right ignorant I was in the field of romance, it took several 'trainwrecks,' dates that went south; break-ups before I even picked up my date and numerous, "don't call me again. I mean it's," to open my eyes that I might be just a tad stupid--doing things backwards to get dates with pretty and available girls. Not married women. I did have some moral balance.
Now that I'm older, emotionally-bruised, scarred in my soul, and many times depressed at the 'what could have been's,' I find myself wanting to give my hard-earned knowledge, that I personally field-tested (and didn't know it at the time), to pass along to you men who are not that successful in getting dates with girls. Admit it. You are not John "Vinnie" Travolta in Saturday Night Fever. I wasn't either. I wasn't even close to Henry "The Fonz" Winkler, "Heyyyy, I was a loser, a wash-out, and a black eye on the face of dating."
After many years of being 'in the pity pit,' I pulled myself together one day, poured myself a cup of delicious Community coffee, sat down at my PC and wrote this self-help story that is FREE, absolutely FREE to any and all men, young and old alike, who would like to have their share of warm, soft, and friendly female companionship, but their past romantic disasters have kept them back on the sidelines. This is not right, guys. Be like me now. Confident, sure of myself, and full of vim and vigor. I may be boasting, but I can walk up to any woman of any walk in life--celebrity, common woman, singer and talk up a storm. And these women will actually listen to me. I know what do say and more importantly, I know what NOT to do in the romance game. Just a fact for you here. The WHAT NOT to do is more important than the WHAT TO DO in any date.
All you have to do, men, is think of what NOT to do on your date, if she agrees to go out with you, and it's smooth sailing for the rest of the evening. But this successful romance venture doesn't come that easy, and I apologize for possibly misleading you into believing that it was, it takes some work on your part. You have to be able to remember the advice in this story--not necessarily word-for-word, although that would flatter me, you just have to grasp the general idea things NOT TO DO or say to your girl of the moment.
DO NOT SAY: when you first meet her, "Yeah, I'm the guy you been looking for!" If you were this girl, what would you think? Seeing you there fresh after work--your Aaron's Rental Center uniform dirty and wrinkled from loading televisions and refrigerators. If you were the girl you have just approached like this, you would be long-gone. Remember this, guys.
DO NOT SAY: "Got any money--for dinner tonight?" When you arrive at her apartment. Talk about getting the door slammed in your face. You had better stand way clear if you are dumb enough to say something like this. Listen, guys. You are not a hobo. You are a decent, hard-working American single guy who loves to date women. Just get a hold of your affliction of not thinking before you speak.
DO NOT SAY: when you two arrive at the restaurant that you, somehow had the sense, to let her choose, "You get a table. I got to visit the 'john'!" If your date has any self-respect and foresight, she will let you get out of sight, then hit the bricks calling for a cab.
DO NOT DO: when you are seated at the table in this fine restaurant, check your fly, tuck your shirt back into your pants, smack your lips and gaze at your date. Now, to be honest with you, there are SOME girls who find this very attractive, but these girls' numbers are so small, that you couldn't find one if tried for the rest of your life. Personal appearance needs to be secured at home, not at a table in a restaurant with hundreds of diners watching you.
DO NOT: clear your throat. At all. Let your throat scratch to kingdom come. You are with a beautiful girl. And very lucky that she agreed to go out with you, so to keep your romantic evening alive, drink a few sips of water to clear up that scratchy throat. It's a sure train wreck if you continually sound like a dog with a bone hung in its throat.
DO NOT: ask you date sensitive, too-personal questions like, "Do you work or just loaf?" "Have you seen your gynecologist lately?" And "How much money is in your checking account?" The girl who once remotely thought you were nice, now suddenly KNOWS that you are a jerk. A dunce. And a man who has NO respect for anyone. Including her.
'tis far better to have loved and lost, than never to have loved at all." - William Shakespear
Men, this old saying, I hate to dispute Bill, but this sagely-statement is dead-wrong. Now what normal man feels it was better to lose a pretty girl that he loved passionately, then lost her to suffer depression, heartache and physical illness? Not a one is my wager.
Romance is for winners. Not for self-loathing, doubting, losers like you used to be before you sunk your teeth into this dynamite of a story that will, if you let it, propel you from the bottom rung on the ladder of rich romance to the top step--holding any beauty in your arms. At will. Any time you like. Thanks to the things you are reading and committing to memory from this story.
DO NOT: fall asleep on the way, or at the restaurant where you and your date will dine and even at the movie that you promised to let her see. Sleeping during a date speaks loudly to any girl, "I do not care for giving you attention. I need some sleep." It really doesn't matter, at all, how hard you have worked during the day or week. She is the focus of your attention. Your only concern is her. You have to power though this, buddy if you want to date her again. Oh, and do NOT con her into shopping for mattresses that are on sale--giving you an excuse to lay down to test the mattress. This is a cheap, low-down, scoundrel's way of doing things. Remember if you snooze, you WILL lose.
DO NOT: be in a hurry. Do not make your pretty date think that you are on deadline. Take your time. Talk, walk in the park, sit on the park bench, feed the pigeons, laugh at the children playing kick-ball . . .anything to just stretch out the time with her. Preferably, these special things should be enjoyed during daylight hours, not darkness, for she really doesn't know you that well and when she sees you sitting on a park bench in total darkness--laughing at children playing kick-ball who are not there; feeding imaginary pigeons, well, do I have to spell it out for you? You have purchased a first-class ticket on the "train wreck romance express."
DO NOT: and I beg you, guys, be a "wind bag" with your date. Be you. No one else. Most losers, like you used to be (before reading this story), are just somehow prone to make-up impressive job titles--CEO's, District Manager, Production Supervisor and such, to impress a girl on their first date. Listen, you might be jobless, but be honest. She will appreciate your candor. And do not tell her blanten lies that you are Harrison Ford's first-cousin and he, Ford, said you could bring her to his country home anytime you liked. Please, guys. No matter how much pride you have. Swallow, stomp it, burn it, and rid yourself of it. Pride is deadly. And you cannot afford, at this stage of the romance game, to blow it again with this agreeable, willing girl. Soon, word will get around that you are nothing more than a phony; a sham; a lying, shiftless shell of a man. Do the noble thing. Be honest with this and what dates you might get in the future.
Okay, guys. The ball is in your court. I have done all I can do to teach you the things TO DO and NOT TO DO in getting and keeping your date in a romantic mood.
"Will this work for me?" you are now asking. Well, all I can say is,
My NINE romantic, successful dates speak for themselves.