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Dating Tips : How To Be A Good Wingman

Updated on January 6, 2012
Get out there and do your job, wingman!
Get out there and do your job, wingman!

What IS a "wingman"?

We've all been in this position before.  You have a friend who just isn't quiet comfortable in the dating scene for one reason or another.  They might have just gotten out of a relationship and need to get their "mojo" back, or they just simply aren't all that good with the ladies.  Sometimes guys take a hiatus from the dating scene, and it can be difficult to get "back in the game". 

Whatever the reason - you are now put into the position of "Wingman" ... a very prestigious honor. But what exactly is a wingman?  And how can you be a good one?

Put simply, the goal of a wingman is to support your friend ... not get some action yourself.  When fulfilling the role of wingman, you must always keep your friends interest (and ability to get some) first.  This can be VERY difficult - especially if you friend isn't quiet at your level of, shall we say, expertise.  When playing the wingman, it can be very easy to overshadow the person you are supposed to be highlighting and supporting.  So here are some steps to ensure that you become an awesome wingman, and help out your poor friend.

How To Be A Good Wingman

Never Overshadow Your Friend. Remember, its your job as wingman to make sure he is doing, saying, and dressing the right way. You can't leave that up to him. But, make sure that you don't look better than him! Make sure your friend is dressed appropriately for where you are heading. Try to dress a little under where he's at. You want your friend to be the "attractive" one and the one who is shining and making all the ladies swoon. Now, this doesn't mean look like crap - it just means slightly less awesome. You still have to attract girls and get girls talking ... you just can't be looking tons better than your friend.

This is also true in conversation. If you find yourself talking to a girl or group of girls and the conversation starts leaning in your direction - try to find ways to divert the conversation back to your friend. Bring up things he's good at or hobbies he likes. This will insure that he stays active in the conversation and girls will find interesting things to talk to him about. Speaking of talking to girls ... its your job to get the girls talking - but you don't want to control or be the center of the conversation. The last thing you want is to just be talking about yourself and things that you like while your friend sits blankly staring at his drink and just wanting the night to be over. Always remember that it is your duty, as wingman, to highlight your friend, talk him up, and get him involved in the conversation as much as possible.

However, it is not always glamorous being the wingman. It is sometimes necessary to take a hit for your friend by flirting with and distracting the "other" girl. Who is the "other" girl? Well - girls always tend to group together and, without fail, there will be the one girl who tries to shoot down all flirting attempts with the "hot" girl of the group. Leave the hot one for your friend. You, my friend, must distract the ugly nagging one. Do this by flattering her, debating with her, or doing whatever is necessary to keep her from destroying your friends chances ... even if you have to dance with her or commit the ultimate sacrifice as a wingman and (gulp) take her home.

The Wingman Bible

Common Wingman Tactics

The Bait.  Being a wingman is different then simply going out with your friend and hitting on girls.  In that scenario, you are both vying for the hotties attention.  However, when you have been chosen to be a wingman, your sole purpose is to help you buddy out.  Being "the bait" is going to be your primary weapon of choice.  Your friend picked you as wingman for a reason ... you have skill in picking up women.  If your friend was at the top of his game, then he wouldn't need your help ... but he's not.  And you are the wingman.  So do what you are good at!  Get out there in the bar / club and flirt, talk, and encourage women to come back and sit with you and your friend.

The Switch.  Once you have some possible interests back at the table because you are so awesome, it's time to start putting the focus onto your friend, and off of you.  Again, lead the conversation to topics your friend is knowledgeable about and are interesting.   Throw in phrases like, "Dude, that's so awesome" to show the girls that you respect and look up to this other man.  If they were attracted to you and they now see you paying homage and respect to another man ... they'll start to wonder what's so great about him.  And mystery is the heart of attraction.  Once its obvious which girl your friend is interested in, start distracting the other girls so your friend can have some focused time with her.  Be a little crazy (and a little obnoxious) so less attraction is on you, but you're still a "fun" person to be around.  Just always be careful that, once the "switch" has started, you never overshadow your friend on the attractiveness spectrum.

Being a good wingman is an art form.  Learn it well.
Being a good wingman is an art form. Learn it well.

Ending The Night

There are only two ways to end the night as a wingman ... with your friend -or sending him off with a hot girl.  The most atrocious act a wingman can do is to leave his friend empty handed and go home with one of the girls himself.  If you commit this horrible horrible act - you are the worst wingman ever.

So, even if you're hitting it off with one of the other girls really well ... never abandon your friend.  If your friend doesn't score - then you take him home, comfort him, and tell him how tomorrow night will be better.  Remember, your job is to get his "mojo" back up.  Not to get some yourself.   You might have to sacrifice your own pleasure in order to be a good wingman.

But the joy you'll feel when you succeed ... priceless.  Nothing is better than seeing your friend smile while talking to a hot girl he wouldn't have been able to get without your help.  Being a good wingman is an art and takes practice, but one day, when you're not feeling so hot yourself, you'll be able to count on your friend to be your wingman too.


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    • Fortadam profile image

      Fortadam 6 years ago from Portland Oregon

      I try to be a good wingman for my friends. They've helped me out a ton - so its only fair I return the favor!

    • prettynutjob30 profile image

      Mary 6 years ago from From the land of Chocolate Chips,and all other things sweet.

      Very good hub bet your friends love you for this one.