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How To Be A Perfect Man

Updated on April 13, 2009
What every woman wants, to be taken and broken...
What every woman wants, to be taken and broken...

Ever wondered how to be the perfect man? Reading Mills and Boon Romance Novels taught me a lot about the natural dynamics between men and women, and now I am happy to share those secrets with you. Follow these tips and I promise you that you will reach the heights of male perfection and will be sure to snag yourself a winsome, though spirited, heroine.

Perfection by Birth or by Profession.

You should be a prince, captain of industry, artist or musician. That cuts out 99.999% of the male population for starters, but there are ways around the fact that you may not have been born into an ancient powerful family. Did you catch the last two on the list there? Thats right, the arts. The arts have a very low entry barrier, though keep in mind you must be the rugged and live in a windswept sea side cottage, ranch, or cabin in the woods.

Let's Get Physical. (Let me hear your body talk.)

You must have a perfect body. Adonis should be jealous of you. As the perfect man, your body will be ripped from head to toe. Your muscles will have muscles. Ideally you will have gained these muscles by riding wild stallions, climbing mountains in Peru, or chopping wood to build your own cabin. No matter how affluent you are, you will never hesitate to get your hands dirty.

It's Between The Ears.

Although you are built like a statue, you will also be very well read and highly intelligent, able to hold a conversation on any topic under the sun, from ancient Greek art to the more topical “does my ass look fat in these pants?”

Stalker / Kidnappers are Sexy.

You should fall instantly, deeply in love with a woman once you meet her. All other women will fade into nothingness by comparison. Once you lay eyes on her, you 'must' have her. In real life this could lead to a restraining order , but you can overcome that by either luring her to an offshore country, or simply kidnapping her. She may complain a bit at first, but all women really just want to be metaphorically clubbed over the head and dragged off to your (suitably salubrious) cave. Some of the best relationships in history have been formed after a man hijacked a woman to make up for some debt or other and then fell in love with her.


In spite of his ability to get almost any female on the planet to drop her panties with a flicker of his eyebrow, the perfect man is 100% monogamous. The idea of touching another woman fills him with revulsion. He is entirely devoted to his partner and never so much as looks at another woman. If he did, his eyes would fall out. As the perfect man, your woman becomes your entire world.

Laughing In The Face Of Danger

You should have no insecurities. Though many psychologists might diagnose a man with perfect self confidence to have some sort of narcissistic personality disorder, that's what we women really want. Mhm. You should never feel threatened, or scared by anything. If a shark were to bite you, you would laugh in cavalier fashion and flick it off with a powerful nudge of your heavily muscled index finger.

Provider Of All

You will never ask her to do a day's work in her life. As your woman, (and probably, wife), the woman of your affections will never have to lift a finger. She will be free to pursue her true passions in life, most of which will be comprised of making mind blowing love to you. (You will naturally never experience any kind of impotence.)

Next time: How To Be The Perfect Woman


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    • santoion profile image

      santoion 8 years ago

      I believe that YOU are Great !

    • profile image

      iloveps 8 years ago

      wow. sorry to break it to you but "the perfect man" doesnt exist, this is basically just objectification of men. no better than what we do to you women. oh well. time to go look at some playboy and demand my sandwitch soon!

    • SatinJenni profile image

      SatinJenni 8 years ago from Burlington Ontario Canada

      The perfect man is monogamous???? Don't men naturally seek out women continually? Always looking at them in lust to any age. Men never tire in the persuit of women.

      Its a mutually benefical situation. I suppose one choosen rightfully by mother nature.

    • marcofratelli profile image

      marcofratelli 8 years ago from Australia

      Well, out of that list I guess I can become the perfect man... with a little help from steroids, plastic surgery, acting skills, a lottery win and the internet! :) Now I just need to find me a perfect woman...