- Gender and Relationships
How To Become A Stronger And More Independent Woman, 10 Tips To Think About
- 1) Make a decision to be independent. Independence is in a way, being able to make decisions and then acting upon them. Independence is also being able to correct a decision that you may have taken and that could have gone wrong. But first you need to take that decision-for yourself.
- 2) Independence means different things for different people. To the poor- it could be financial independence, to a cripple it could be physical independence, to an addict it could be independence from drugs or alcohol, to the ill it could be independence from medication, and many other meanings for many other people. Understand that there are many types of independence, physical, emotional, mental, material. What kind of independence are you looking for?
- 3) Connect with yourself. Understand that you are a woman and you don't necessarily need to be like a man to be independent, many men are not independent, they could be financially independent, but not emotionally independent.
- 4) Ensure you have a connection with your emotions too. Know what you are feeling inside.
- 5) Accept responsibility for your life. Accept that you are where you are because that is where you wanted to be. Move from a "victim mentality" to a "creator mentality".
- 6) Get a clear picture of what an "independent woman" means to YOU. Is it just being able to repair a fuse, or fix a leaking faucet, or being able to change a tyre that means independent or is it something deeper? For instance, being financially stable, being in control of your financial situation, feeling secure in your life no matter what is happening around you. Do you feel being married or in a relationship is being dependent? List down all the qualities YOU think are important to be an independent woman. Most women confuse independence as being limited to financially independent. No doubt financial independence is important, but you will find that independence is a lot more than that.
Your list could be something like this-
To me, being independent means being able to....
- a) Drive a car
- b) Earn money
- c) Fix a faucet
- d) Balance my accounts
- e) Educate my children
- f) Go on a holiday.......
- g) (what ever.. make it as detailed as possible)
- 7) After you have a clear idea in your mind about what independence means to you, then- Identify areas where you feel incapable or dependent. Do you feel incapable of accepting that it is normal be cared for, or normally most people want to feel they are being cared for? Do you feel selfish if you care about yourself? Do you feel incapable of accepting help from another person-man or woman? Do you feel incapable of controlling your financial situation-whatever it is? Do you think asking for help is a sign of weakness or dependence? Why do you think that? Don't you think it is so much smarter to ask for help when you need it? For example- I dislike these new fancy gadgets that come up in the market, even cell phones that have too any features that I feel I cannot use. Do I really need to be "tech-savvy" to be independent? What If I do get myself one of those gizmos, I can always ask for help on how to use it till I learn how to use it.
- 8) Identify your strengths and weaknesses. List them down. For e.g. your strength may be earning good money from a business or a job, your weakness maybe not knowing how to handle money. Or your strength could be, understanding your family, being the care-taker for your family, your weakness could be - not being able to say no- when you want to. Not being able to make time for yourself to do things that you want to do because you are loaded with stuff doing things for others- (could be your boss or if you are a businesswoman- your clients) that leaves you with no time and energy for yourself.
- 9) Identify areas where you can easily make changes first. And then go about making those changes. If you feel you cannot easily make that change- ask yourself why? Is it about feeling tied down, not being able to live your own life because you need to take care of an "invalid" family member who depends upon you for their survival? For example going off on a holiday? Ask yourself why you feel you cannot find a caretaker for that relative for a week till you come back. Very often you will find simple solutions, only you have not taken time to sit and think about what could happen if you made the change; or that you are too scared of making a change.
- 10) Independence is about being flexible and adapting to changing situations. Independence is about being your own support system, independence is about accepting that you are responsible for anything and everything in your life and that YOU can change that whenever you wish. Independence is about trusting yourself, believing in yourself. Independence is about being able to go on regardless of another's opinion -it is like learning to ride a bicycle. The first time you get the training wheels off, you fall off a few times, but each time you get up, dust yourself and get back on that bike, balance yourself -adjust the height of the seat, maybe try a different stance, till you get it right.