How to Build and Have a Lasting Relationship
This is a topic that has been on my mind for a long time, and I feel it is something that should be more widely discussed and advocated for more often, how to have an everlasting relationship. I think it is common knowledge all around that a large percentage of relationships, including up to marriage, end in separation or divorce. To me, this is very alarming and just from personal experience, observation, research, and talking with numerous people about this, its clear many people struggle to have that effortless, abundant relationship that most of us hope to have. We could write endless pages, books, and talk for ages about what it takes for a successful long term relationship, but these are a few of the key points I feel are some of the most important, if not the most important, to have the most successful long lasting relationship if you are seeking it.
Our Culture has Changed
I cannot speak for everyone and its not true for everyone, but their has definitely been a gradual shift overtime culturally on how we view relationships. Perhaps you have heard the term, the "cheating culture" before, and to an extent that is true. Open relationships and shifting from one person to the next has definitely become more widely accepted. This has always occurred throughout human history, but in a way it seems to be glorified now. I would never personally attack someone that wants this arrangement, but if someone is looking for a fulfilling and lasting relationship, this is not the way to go. It leads into the other points that you will see next, and creates strong negative emotions that will eventually lead to bigger problems, whether we like to admit it or not. Whatever your views are, we should understand and it seems very clear, that this cultural lifestyle isn't friendly to long lasting relationships, and if you are seeking this while living this type of lifestyle, it might be time to sit down and reflect.
If their is one thing humanity generally struggles with, is committing to something, especially something long-term. A lot of times why relationships fail is because one or both partners lose the commitment to one another, which leadings to one or both neglecting each other, which means the relationship becomes non-existent and is over. We tend to forget when we go into a relationship, especially one we hope leads to marriage, you are making a commitment to invite this person into your life and support them on their journey. Make no mistake about it, in any relationship, it is about what your partner needs and wants, and many people have a hard time following through with this. You are allowing yourself to be invited into their life to support them because you have strong feelings for them and want them to grow as a person. Many people tend to forget about this. We also see people have trouble committing to things such as working out, a job, a life goal, or a hobby, and we all know people that do it or we ourselves do it, and if people have trouble committing to these things, how can we expect anyone to commit to a long term relationship? If this fits you, it is time to sit down and think on this, because one of the keys to a successful relationship is commitment.
The Right Mindset
I think a problem with modern day relationships is too many people go into one with the wrong mindset. What I mean by this is it seems many people go into a relationship believing it to be a burden, or that life is over now, or like its secretly a horror story waiting to happen. Unfortunately, this does happen in some cases, but the more that people believe and preach about relationships happening along those scenarios, the more people will accept it as true. If that continues, even more people would never want to be in a relationship believing these preconceived notions. Why can I not go into a relationship with the mindset that I am inviting this person into my life, and I will strive to make their life better, and provide them with the life they deserve? Of course, many would say I am flawed to believe this, for a few reasons, either you are with the wrong person, or sometimes their are circumstances that are beyond our control to course correct this. It seems to me though, even if people are joking or sarcastic about it, that long term relationships have a negative connotation about them in our society and I think going into a relationship with this mindset automatically takes it a few steps back, as if the partners have a hard time being fully committed or have a certain level of mistrust among each other. Committing to a long term relationship shouldn't be a bad thing, we are introducing ourselves into an inevitable chapter of our lives that should lead to fulfillment. It should feel good for us to find someone we care about and are willing to help them grow and become fulfilled in their life. It should not be a negative thing because one of the things that make us feel good as people, is knowing that are making someone's life a little better with either helping them advance as a person, or down to something small as just simply being their for them in a time of need, to hold their hand if need be.
Communication is Key
I think in any relationship, communication is the most important and ultimately the deciding factor if a relationship is to be successful. Many people I see say they understand this, but it doesn't always seem to translate into their actions. A lot of partners I notice have a hard time expressing how they feel about any aspect of their lives. People are sensitive creatures, and we know when something isn't right, especially among those close to us. When partners refuse to communicate, it creates mistrust in the relationship, then it spirals to one thing after another, and its a ticking time-bomb waiting to explode. In this case, if partners are not communicating, both start believing maybe they are up to something, or they do not trust them, or maybe their is a conspiracy going on that one is not telling the other, and this leads to anger and frustration, and after so long of holding it in, eventually it damages the relationship on an emotional level. Leading up to this, we start thinking we ourselves did something wrong in the relationship, even though it might not be the case at all. It could be our partner is simply having a hard time at work, but we do not know that unless we communicate. If you are in a situation where your partner is frustrating or upsetting you in some way, staying silent is the worst option to do, because its going to blow up eventually, and the sooner you can tackle communicating this now, the less chance their will be problems down the road, and problems that were not necessary from the start. The point being is communicating and being on the same page with your partner is key in any relationship, because if both individuals are not on the same page, and are not willing to listen to one another and work through everything involving them together, it is guaranteed to blow up eventually, when all it could take is a few simple words or hearing each other out that could have solved everything from the beginning.
So what is your take on all this? I know each relationship is unique, and extenuating circumstances simply cannot be controlled by these pieces of advice, but for a majority of people, especially starting out, these typically make relationships stronger and more fulfilling in the long run. I notice when expressing these points to people, they say they understand what I mean, but it seems clear to me that a lot of people either really do not understand it, or just do not follow through with it. Of course, their are many successful relationships and stories to tell, but their are also many that are not, or their are relationships that are good at first that quickly go south. I think in those cases is where the points I make come in. Hopefully if you read this, you take something away from this, and maybe it just might help you or give you a new perspective on your own relationship or future relationships.
© 2020 Jason