- Gender and Relationships
How To Deal With A Hurtful Person And The Hurt Itself
In this world as long as we are alive we cannot flee away from being hurt. It is inevitable. Not only can we not escape from being hurt but at one point or another we will hurt someone. Since we cannot escape from being hurt we have to learn how to deal with hurt. If we don’t deal with hurt then it will affect us negatively.
Generally, hurt is manifested in two forms. It can either be intentional or deliberate. You can hurt someone consciously or subconsciously. For instance, a person who likes demeaning others may not realize he hurts other people because it is something he is used to doing. He looks at it as normal and no thought crosses his mind he is in fact hurting someone when he humiliates or demeans that person.
Then, there are two kinds of people you will have to deal with in life when it comes to hurt. We have the stubborn kind and we have the acknowledgeable kind. The stubborn kind is the one who doesn’t want to admit he has hurt someone if he has done it intentionally or the victim of hurt has approached him. For example, he hurts you and you tell him the words he spoke against you were hurting. He will respond he didn’t do anything wrong by uttering those words, and he was right in uttering those words. In addition, he doesn’t see why you’re fussing over something which isn’t a big deal when in fact being hurt is a big deal.
The second type of person will understand what he did wasn’t right. He will ask for forgiveness, and pledge to be careful with his words and/or actions. This type of person is the one who is conscious or understands he did in fact err in the words he spoke which hurt someone.
This hub will look at how to deal with hurtful people, that is, the stubborn kind. Those who don’t accept they have hurt you or continuously hurt you. Also, it will look at why some people are always hurt or fall victims of hurt and the consequences of hurt if you don’t deal with hurt.
How To Deal With A Hurtful Person
Sometimes cowardliness is the best option. It is not in every situation you should exhibit your boldness. You will suffer as a result of displaying your bravado. The hurtful person may intensify in hurting you or laugh at you.
The stubborn kinds don’t care if they hurt you. Even if they admit they hurt you and apologize still they wind up hurting you. If you confront them but they don’t happen to feel remorse for their behavior/attitude, then stop confronting them whenever they hurt you. Avoid them.
Ensure as far as possible to always distance yourself from the stubborn kind. Don’t interact with him for long periods. Your conversations should be casual. Let your interaction with him be as minimal as possible. It is the only best way to avoid being hurt by someone who doesn’t see that hurt does affect a person negatively.
If you want to confront do it in a kind and polite manner. Let him know his behavior is affecting you negatively. It is hurting you. If he is a person who understands he will apologize and do the best he can not to hurt you again in whatever form. Nonetheless, there are the stubborn kinds who feel they don’t hurt anybody, when the fact is they do hurt, or don’t give a damn since it’s none of their concern.
Facing up to them ensures it sinks in their minds they have hurt you and it is not once or twice. They become aware they have been hurting you whether they acknowledge or not.
Confronting and avoiding have their positive and negative sides. You cannot always evade from being hurt neither can you always challenge someone who hurts you. You have to balance. You need to assess whether that person hurts you consciously or subconsciously. If it is deliberate, at times it is better to avoid him but then you can decide to approach him to let him know so he can become aware his actions and/or words are hurtful.
The third way you can deal with a hurtful person is by ignoring the person. However, this is not the best way to deal with a hurtful person. You will only increase the hurt because if the other person realizes you are always ignoring him then he might utter words which will hurt you further.
When you confront someone to let him know he has hurt you or hurts you, don’t approach the person with a closed mind. Be open. Why? The person may admit he has hurt you (or hurts you) or refuses. If you go with a closed mind, you’ll come out of that place full of anger and hatred. These two emotions will further aggravate the wound that has already been inflicted in your heart.
Reasons Why We Allow Ourselves To Be Hurt
Some of us are always hurt because we allow ourselves to be hurt. We permit ourselves to be hurt because of various reasons which are:
- Low self-esteem. If you continuously downbeat yourself you’ll tend to believe you’re unworthy and therefore if someone hurts you, it is alright, you deserve it.
- We don’t how to deal with a hurtful person. Should we confront, avoid or ignore him? We are afraid if we respond in a certain way, things will go against us. We will be the ones who will be affected negatively. Therefore, it is better to be hurt than cause enmity, become a laughing-stock or regret of having responded a certain way.
- Love triumphs over hurt. As much as you love your partner, as much as you love your family member or friend, you feel responding in a certain way shows you don’t love that person. What you need to realize is love has eyes and ears. It is neither blind nor is it deaf. Don’t treat love like a non-living force because you’re in fact the love itself.
- Lack of forgiveness. If you don’t forgive the person who has wronged you, you are allowing that person to hurt you the more. Purpose to forgive if you no longer want to be hurt. When you don’t forgive you hold resentment in your heart. This is a negative emotion which will affect you negatively psychologically, spiritually and physically. You will continually feel hurt. It will become easier to be hurt by the person who hurts you or by anyone else.
Negative Effects Of Not Dealing With Hurt
- You will develop low self-esteem. You will think you’re of no value, you’re useless, worthless the reason why you’re hurt. You will believe you deserve to be hurt because nobody loves you because you’re useless.
- You will develop depression. Depression is associated with low self-worth. You will feel hopeless that you’re unable to deal with the hurtful person. A lot of thoughts will run in your mind which are negative. You will feel dejected and lose heart. You might end up thinking of ending your life.
- You might end up in a mental institution. When the hurt becomes too much it leads to low self-worth and depression which will affect your mind negatively. You will become stressed, always thinking and the thoughts you’re thinking aren’t nice. As long as they are not nice is as long as they will have negative effects on the mind.
- It may lead to physical illness. You might develop heart problems, stomach ulcers to name but a few. There is a relationship between the three aspects of a human being which are physical, spiritual and psychological. One is affected it will tend to affect the others.
- You will become paranoid or fearful. You will believe people are out there to hurt you. You will live a life of fear as the hurt has consumed the whole of you until you are no longer yourself. You will always think people are sent to hurt you.
- It will interfere with your daily activities whether you are working or studying. You will not do your tasks or assignments as required. You might end up dropping out of school or getting fired from your place of work.
- You will not trust anyone. You will live a life of distrust as you have made up your mind everyone wants to hurt you. It is a fact if a person continuously hurts you then the trust you’ve on him will lessen day-by-day. You will not trust any person because you believe they are out there to hurt you for whatever reason your mind has conjured.
- You will distance yourself from every person. You will disassociate yourself from the public wanting to be alone and by yourself at all times. You will lock yourself in your room allowing yourself a short time to be outside. You will live a life of a prisoner.
As stated above, hurt is unavoidable. We cannot escape from it. We have to learn how to deal with people who hurt us intentionally or deliberately and how to deal with the hurt itself. You don’t have to live a miserable life because of hurt. It is true it is painful but then you cannot allow the pain to go on for long. We have seen the effects of hurt if it is not dealt with.
Lastly, you have to learn how not to hurt others through actions and/or words. Be cautious of your actions and words. If you wrong someone, be ready to apologize. Don’t be stubborn. This idiom/proverb is very common: Do unto others what you would like them to do unto you. Don’t be in the category of people who are deaf and blind to hurting other people whereby when you’re hurt you say other people are unmindful of you. Be considerate. Be mindful to others as you would like them to be mindful to you.