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How To Diffuse An Argument Immediately

Updated on June 8, 2012

Stop While You Are Ahead

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I Hate Arguing

If you are like me you hate to argue with others. You probably ask yourself what's the point? What can be gained when two or more people are heated? I mean really, when you are arguing, you miss the point of everything. Not only do you miss the point you hear bits and pieces of what someone else is saying. Why? Because your mouth is moving faster than your brain, so you are not processing anything that is being said. Well there are few ways to diffuse an argument in the first few seconds after it has started.

Diffuse The Argument

There are a few ways to diffuse an argument before it gets out of hand. This is a sure way to calm yourself, so you don't do or say anything you can't take back. You know once the words leave your lips they cannot be taken back. They exist and now you have another issue to deal with. Ask yourself, is an argument worth losing a friend or having a family member not speaking to you for months? If you answered no, I would agree with you. What I have learned to do is pick my battles. I am apprehensive about where, when, and what I want to discuss. I also take in account location, if it's in public then no, save yourself and others the embarrassment. Below I will list a few key things, that I myself practice.

Skills and Things Needed

  • Restraint
  • Privacy
  • Time-out
  • Humility

The above things are needed to ensure things remain smooth between you and the other person. You never want to do or say things you can't take back. More often than not, domestic abuse begin with arguments. I am advocate of no hitting this goes for man/woman.

If you realize the argument is getting the other person heated in the first few seconds. You should change the subject. Changing the subject is an effort to keep both parties even-keel. It hasn't really gone anywhere at this point, and you have the option to stop it right now.

If the person you are having this heated discussion with wants to continue on. They don't want the subject changed. You have a choice, and that choice should be to remain silent. No matter what they say, remain silent. Use your body to nod your head to send an indication you are listening. No one likes to be ignored. If they think you are ignoring them, that's another argument. Once they are finish say, "I appreciate, you sharing your views on things." Then change the subject.

Many people like to have an amen corner. You want to be right, so you call so and so, to get them to chime in on your side. Wrong. Keep things private, between the two of you. The more people involved, things could escalate. Making a mole into a mountain. No one have a say in your life and choices, so why would you need them now? This will further ignite the other party. By involving other people in a situation they don't need to be on, especially in the beginning. So deal with it on your own. Often, talking to other people, ignites your thoughts as well, and it may have the other person feeling devalued.

Agree to resume the conversation at a later time. Making the other person know you are willing to listen to their viewpoint on things. No one wants to think or feel that their voice is invalid according to the subject at hand.

Even if you are right, keep your cool. There is no need to debate on what you think is right and they think is wrong. Recognize there is a gap between your reality and their perception of things.

Biggest suggestion, remove yourself from the situation. Yep, put yourself in time-out. This will allow you and the other party to collect your thoughts in a sensible manner. You want to ensure that when you resume the conversation both of you are open to the others thoughts.

If all else fails, ask this question; what are we arguing about? Will it even matter tomorrow? Is it worth losing or having someone upset with me? Will this change things? This is called self-checking. Sometimes we have to get inside ourselves, to keep our heads cool.

I hope these tips help you in any confrontation. As they have helped me. I'm the easiest person to get along with. Because I keep things that really don't matter at bay.



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    • profile image

      Vrijdag Pages 

      6 years ago

      Very good information. Perhaps, I can learn from this.

    • Laurinzo Scott profile image

      Live To Write 

      6 years ago from Phoenix, Az.

      Great subject matter michememe , and somehting I could really relate to, as most of us with family (especially) can. The suggestions you give are great. We could all live in peace that way.

    • MelChi profile image

      Melanie Chisnall 

      6 years ago from Cape Town, South Africa

      Interesting article and excellent advice. I especially agree with your tips about walking away from an argument, and keeping it between the two of you. Thanks for sharing this important topic! :)

    • michememe profile imageAUTHOR

      Miche Wro 

      6 years ago

      Michelle, I say the same thing. Letting them know they views are valid although I don't see things the same way. I don't like to discredit anyones opnion. Sometimes opinions lead us to think more outside of our own perception of things.

    • Michelle Taylor profile image

      Michelle Taylor 

      6 years ago from New Jersey

      This is really excellent advice. Sometimes I really love to have debates with a person but that is by no means the same as arguing. I usually end a potential argument with "let's agree to disagree" and that's the end of it.

    • gabgirl12 profile image

      gabgirl12 

      6 years ago

      Heated arguments should always be diffused. But a healthy debate encourages discussion. I like the way you worded the effect that it has. It ignites your thoughts and your mouth moves faster than your brain. From a negative, it ignites them a person to anger. From a positive it will help you think faster. I notice sometimes when I'm just talking to someone and letting things out, I find the 'answer' to some things I've been trying to figure out for ages.

      I cracked up at the 'amen' corner. Because its very true!

      This hub is excellent! I hope you can expand it further. I saw your comment about 'taking your purse' and leaving. You have a firm approach to keeping your cool.

      I'm especially interested in knowing more about the 'humility' part even though I'm sure that in every aspect of diffusing an argument it requires a great deal of it.

    • profile image

      screaming 

      6 years ago

      Excellent advice. We used a word instead of timeout. When getting out of hand say the word all know means, and resume the discussion later. Main thing is never go to bed mad. Voted up!

    • profile image

      lovedoctor926 

      6 years ago

      I stopped arguing long time ago because I realized that I am never going to win. Lol. Great hub!

    • Angela Brummer profile image

      Angela Brummer 

      6 years ago from Lincoln, Nebraska

      And shared!

    • Angela Brummer profile image

      Angela Brummer 

      6 years ago from Lincoln, Nebraska

      Unfortunately we can not send the men to time out! LOL Voted up up up!

    • michememe profile imageAUTHOR

      Miche Wro 

      6 years ago

      Julie, sometimes we all do. However, that's just not my thing. (laughing at your blushing) Hope it helps.

    • Julie DeNeen profile image

      Blurter of Indiscretions 

      6 years ago from Clinton CT

      Voting up. I need help diffusing arguments (blush)!

    • profile image

      LOVEisLove365 

      6 years ago

      Very informative, with excellent points and suggestions. Great article!

    • michememe profile imageAUTHOR

      Miche Wro 

      6 years ago

      Michele, please share it. I don't mind at all. Thanks.

    • Michele Travis profile image

      Michele Travis 

      6 years ago from U.S.A. Ohio

      michememe arguing does, it really does. Do you mind if I share this?

    • michememe profile imageAUTHOR

      Miche Wro 

      6 years ago

      Hey Michele thanks for reading and leaving a comment. I appreciate your compliment, thanks. Yes, arguing leads to places you probably never thought it would.

    • Michele Travis profile image

      Michele Travis 

      6 years ago from U.S.A. Ohio

      Sometimes arguing only makes things worse. This is a very good hub. I hope more people read and understand it. Like I did. Voted up!

    • michememe profile imageAUTHOR

      Miche Wro 

      6 years ago

      Love doctor thanks for reading. I grew up in a home filled with arguing that led to psychical fights. I wrote a hub titled, another fight hide the knives momma is going to kill daddy. Because of this when I married my biggest thing is we discuss things in private. His temper would flare up, and he would lose it. In front of the kids. After three warnings I was out.

    • profile image

      lovedoctor926 

      6 years ago

      I like the cute little picture you used for this article.

    • profile image

      lovedoctor926 

      6 years ago

      This is great advice. vote up useful. You're right, in life, we must learn to pick our battles. It's all about learning how to control your temper. Whether it's a family member, friend or significant other, arguing serves no purpose. It's a waste of negative energy, you get all stressed out for nothing and nothing ever gets resolved because the bottom line is that you won't be able to change the other person's mind. Whenever I notice that someone is getting too intense, I just tell them you know what I think you need to take a break and cool down. When you are ready to talk, we can talk about it.

    • michememe profile imageAUTHOR

      Miche Wro 

      6 years ago

      Thanks jaimeecolen1047, for reading and leaving a comment. Welcome to the hub.

    • profile image

      jaimeecoleen1047 

      6 years ago

      I'm new here,by the way.And this is the first hub I've ever read,I saw this,like,3 hours ago and got interested about the title,since I was always active in debates back in school,I guess it's different,though.Again,I love your hub :)

    • profile image

      jaimeecoleen1047 

      6 years ago

      OMG!This is very helpful,thank you!

    • michememe profile imageAUTHOR

      Miche Wro 

      6 years ago

      Thank you very much! I appreciate your comment prospectboy. I am the grab my purse and walk away queen. Then they ask "where you going" anywhere but here. I don't do this! :)

    • prospectboy profile image

      Bradrick H. 

      6 years ago from Texas

      I agree with you all the way on this. I'm a lot like you. I don't like arguing with people at all. I dislike it so much that sometimes I'll just go along with what someone is saying even though I don't agree with them to keep it from turning heated. I like the skills that you mentioned in this hub also. Reading this hub definitely gave me another perspective on this topic. Excellent hub! Voted up, and share on Twitter.

    • michememe profile imageAUTHOR

      Miche Wro 

      6 years ago

      Thanks for reading. I hate to argue too. Nothing comes of it. Nothing...but bad feelings as you said, on both ends. I just learn to walk away.

    • greeneryday profile image

      greeneryday 

      6 years ago from Some tropical country

      I hate to argue, it is pointless, waste of time and energy. At the end what we get is a bad...bad felling... you've got really nice informative and useful hub here... already bookmarked for re-reading.. thanks for sharing..

    • michememe profile imageAUTHOR

      Miche Wro 

      6 years ago

      I put this as my status and the link I want everyone to read this. Powerful! I wish I could vote up like three more times.

    • michememe profile imageAUTHOR

      Miche Wro 

      6 years ago

      I just read it...ANGELA BRUMMER, your hub is my favorite! I am serious. The level in which you wrote that, I felt as if I were there. I am so proud of you. I am glad I was the one to inspire you to write it. It is BRAVO!!!!!!!

    • Angela Brummer profile image

      Angela Brummer 

      6 years ago from Lincoln, Nebraska

      I wrote a hub inspired by your hub I also linked you to it! This hub is also great!

    • michememe profile imageAUTHOR

      Miche Wro 

      6 years ago

      Thank you, I do the above also or I just say you know what, I'm not doing this. Then I get myself together and walk away.

    • teaches12345 profile image

      Dianna Mendez 

      6 years ago

      Good information and advise. I find that letting the other person know how you feel and agreeing to walk away until you both cool down is a great suggestion. Voted up!

    • michememe profile imageAUTHOR

      Miche Wro 

      6 years ago

      Exactly, it just isn't. I always ask myself, tomorrow will this matter? If it won't then let it go, and go on with my life. It's small compared to what I am really dealing with. Thanks for the compliment, I appreciate you reading it.

    • profile image

      Starmom41 

      6 years ago

      interesting hub- and I agree with everything you said. some in the older generation used to say "there's not much in life that's worth fighting about," & that's the POV I take, too.

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