- Gender and Relationships
How To Diffuse An Argument Immediately
Stop While You Are Ahead
I Hate Arguing
If you are like me you hate to argue with others. You probably ask yourself what's the point? What can be gained when two or more people are heated? I mean really, when you are arguing, you miss the point of everything. Not only do you miss the point you hear bits and pieces of what someone else is saying. Why? Because your mouth is moving faster than your brain, so you are not processing anything that is being said. Well there are few ways to diffuse an argument in the first few seconds after it has started.
Diffuse The Argument
There are a few ways to diffuse an argument before it gets out of hand. This is a sure way to calm yourself, so you don't do or say anything you can't take back. You know once the words leave your lips they cannot be taken back. They exist and now you have another issue to deal with. Ask yourself, is an argument worth losing a friend or having a family member not speaking to you for months? If you answered no, I would agree with you. What I have learned to do is pick my battles. I am apprehensive about where, when, and what I want to discuss. I also take in account location, if it's in public then no, save yourself and others the embarrassment. Below I will list a few key things, that I myself practice.
Skills and Things Needed
The above things are needed to ensure things remain smooth between you and the other person. You never want to do or say things you can't take back. More often than not, domestic abuse begin with arguments. I am advocate of no hitting this goes for man/woman.
If you realize the argument is getting the other person heated in the first few seconds. You should change the subject. Changing the subject is an effort to keep both parties even-keel. It hasn't really gone anywhere at this point, and you have the option to stop it right now.
If the person you are having this heated discussion with wants to continue on. They don't want the subject changed. You have a choice, and that choice should be to remain silent. No matter what they say, remain silent. Use your body to nod your head to send an indication you are listening. No one likes to be ignored. If they think you are ignoring them, that's another argument. Once they are finish say, "I appreciate, you sharing your views on things." Then change the subject.
Many people like to have an amen corner. You want to be right, so you call so and so, to get them to chime in on your side. Wrong. Keep things private, between the two of you. The more people involved, things could escalate. Making a mole into a mountain. No one have a say in your life and choices, so why would you need them now? This will further ignite the other party. By involving other people in a situation they don't need to be on, especially in the beginning. So deal with it on your own. Often, talking to other people, ignites your thoughts as well, and it may have the other person feeling devalued.
Agree to resume the conversation at a later time. Making the other person know you are willing to listen to their viewpoint on things. No one wants to think or feel that their voice is invalid according to the subject at hand.
Even if you are right, keep your cool. There is no need to debate on what you think is right and they think is wrong. Recognize there is a gap between your reality and their perception of things.
Biggest suggestion, remove yourself from the situation. Yep, put yourself in time-out. This will allow you and the other party to collect your thoughts in a sensible manner. You want to ensure that when you resume the conversation both of you are open to the others thoughts.
If all else fails, ask this question; what are we arguing about? Will it even matter tomorrow? Is it worth losing or having someone upset with me? Will this change things? This is called self-checking. Sometimes we have to get inside ourselves, to keep our heads cool.
I hope these tips help you in any confrontation. As they have helped me. I'm the easiest person to get along with. Because I keep things that really don't matter at bay.