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- Advice & Tips for Women in Relationships
How To Find A Boyfriend, And Why You Might Not Want One
It is actually pretty simple to find a boyfriend if you are not acting too desperate about it, but do you really want a boyfriend just to have one? I like ice cream, but I do not want to eat a gallon of it just to satisfy my craving. My view on finding a boyfriend is I am still open to meeting new people, but I do not want a boyfriend just to have one. I actually want to date someone with enough commonalities that we are not just together for the steamy side of it all. I enjoy being single and have been for most of my life, so I will honestly state I am holding out for the person that will compliment my lif,e and not complicate my life. Some women simply want to have a boyfriend because society makes them feel like they have to have one. I know that is not a popular thing to say, but in my early twenties, I actually fell into that mindset. All of my friends had been dating for years and were already in serious relationships and married, so somehow I thought having a boyfriend would put in on the path towards coupledom.
My first boyfriend was interested in dating and we even started a long distance relationship, but I soon learned he was not interested in much beyond dating. I am the type of person that simply does not want to have a revolving door of boyfriends, and if I am dating someone I would like it to lead to something more serious such as marriage. My first boyfriend did not seem in a rush to get married, but he let me know it was perfectly okay if we just kept seeing each other. He was pretty straight forward about what he wanted, but I kept projecting my ideals onto the relationship. This happened with another boyfriend that was not in a rush to have a more serious relationship, so I basically set myself up for disappointment in several relationships.
The lesson I learned along the way is that you can definitely have a boyfriend, but do you want just any man to be your boyfriend? Several of the men I have dated have made it clear they would be willing to be my boyfriends, but they have also intimated I would have to be willing to compromise on certain things I find to be important to myself. People say relationships are all about compromise, but to be quite frank most compromises in the relationships I have had were simply to the benefit of the man. I have yet to meet a man who is willing to compromise on certain issues to make me happy, and I would not want someone to necessarily compromise if that is going to make him unhappy in the long run.
For instance one of my boyfriends was very interested in computer games and compromised playing them once in a while to call me and go out. However, he was the type of person who pretty much wanted to spend the majority of his day playing video games, and the type of woman who would be happy with that is someone who wanted to do many things on her own. He viewed doing too many activities together as being dependent on him, and why should he have to compromise on that?
In all actuality, I am happy doing many things on my own from going to restaurants to movies. Being single for as long as I have has taught me to be comfortable with who I am and my own company, so if I am to find a boyfriend I really do not want any compromises. I want a strong compatibility between us that will draw us to want to spend time together, and to want to eventually get married. I am not looking for a boyfriend at this point in my life because it will happen if it happens, and if not I always have myself.
How To Find A Boyfriend If So Desire
Many women actually do want to find boyfriends, and there is nothing wrong with that! I was just relating how when I used to be part of that segment of the population I was never happy because I usually could find a boyfriend, but that did not necessarily mean I had enough in common with him to sustain a long term relationship. When looking for a boyfriend ask yourself what the long term goals are. Do you just want someone to hang out with occasionally, or do you want a boyfriend that is thinking of settling down eventually?
How can you meet a potential boyfriend? You can meet him anywhere! Online dating is an option, but I would highly encourage not to pay for online dating services. I have met plenty of people through the free online social networking services, and often they were more compatible than the dating services. However, some people claim that services such as eharmony and match are great resources, but I did not find that to be the case. I have met a lot of nice men through the internet, but I have as yet to find anyone I am compatible with.
Friends are another resource for those women who are looking for potential boyfriends. Often a friend of a friend knows someone that is single and might be interested in going on a blind date. I have met several people this way and it has ranged from uncomfortable to a long term relationship with too many compromises. As I said many women find love via set-ups with their friends, but I have just not been one of them.
Meeting people in real life is another way to go about it. Actually, I am talking to someone I meet in real life currently, and I have found him to be one of the better ones so far. I am not sure what will happen with this, but for me, meeting in real life seems to work best. I have actually met this person on my own and did not need a computer to match me up, or a friend to suggest a blind date. For some reason, I just feel more of an attachment to this person because I knew exactly how he acted, what he looked like, and how he spoke from the start. I am not about judging a person by their looks, but there is just something to be said about meeting someone in person that you feel a bit of a spark for.
Each mode of meeting potential boyfriends has its plus and minuses, but you have to determine which modality will best suit your needs.