- Gender and Relationships
How To Get Over Someone Romantically
Getting Over Someone
Ever like someone eternally forever, but it's either unrequited due to all the universe being against you. Have you realized that it is definitely time to break up and move on?
This hub is going to take a completely different approach to moving on. It's going to give you a fun guide of things to do, and not in a way that's all about being a single, sassy woman enjoying her sweat pants days (you can do that when you're in the right relationship too). This is going to be a, mix of the new age with maybe some more traditional approaches.
Moving on is essentially a mindset. You have to be pumped up for this stage of life, I know no one tells you that.
Literally, be excited for this stage of "lost love." Throw on the jams from Nickel Creek's "Why Did the Fire Die" to Royksopp's "The Inevitable End." There are more great songs about breaking up, unrequited love, than there are love... well maybe. They usually are darker, a bit more realistic, and let us be graciously honest:
break up songs are more interesting.
What you need to do in order to get over someone is what I call:
A full on cleansing
Sure, the term "cleansing" sounds witchy. It might be. But what I'm going to list is more about cleaning and using the write ingredients in your kitchen to make you feel better. If you want to frame that as though this is witchcraft -- okay, go ahead -- but religious beliefs, worship of deities, and the like with spells are not going to be the foreground of the message here, or even necessary.
*Clear out your room. Do your laundry, wash your bathroom in particular. Clean out the fridge. Throw away all items that pertain to your love interest. If you have old food -- throw it away. We are trying to start a fresh blank canvas here, so get on it! Organize your closet by color, make your bed... and items that remind you of him need to be thrown out or donated. You don't need to ceremonially have a bonfire to get rid of the items -- that might just connect you more to your crush. Just get rid of stuff, or put it in boxes that will forever rot in the garage. Preferably, just throw it away.
*Take the perfect warm bath. Try the following
-Wash your hair with coconut milk.
-Make a screen scrub with olive oil and sugar. This will remove the dead skin cells off you and make for a cleaner, healthier skin.
-You can add lavender, vanilla, rose, pumpkin spice, and cinnamon to your olive oil mixture. These are all great scents for attracting new love.
-Throw in a pot of jasmine tea. Jasmine is another great scent.
-Place a clean, new towel on your pillow. This will help your skin be more clear and will help get rid of acne.
You may have obsessively thought about your love interest for a number of months, years, heck decades. Now it is time to rewire your brain. Being in love, even if unrequited, is like a drug. The first few days may be easy, but you're bound to have withdrawals. Scientists have done studies where the brain scans of those in love is similar to those on addictive drugs. It may take some time, but try to calm your brain. You are fully allowed to think as negatively as you possibly can and think directly about what bothers you in the past love interest, and this may help you to overcome the beast more than you think.
*Try listening to meditative music, binaural beats, or an audio book. Try bringing in new ideas to take your focus off the love interest you once had.
*Find ways to disconnect from your love interest from the online world as this will feed your mind and subconscious. You may want to unfollow him on Facebook (deleting might be too strong, and may signal something weird to the interest). You may also want to unfollow his friends or family -- that way you don't come across his name. Don't follow him on other social media websites. Try to create a different path for how you surf the Internet. Don't make it about trying to figure out how to be in synch with him. Those days are over.
*If you are religious, this is a great time to take sanctuary with your religion's texts. Curl up with the Bible and learn more about what you really believe.
*Be conscious of when you think about him (or her!). What triggers the thoughts? Are they peaceful thoughts, intrusive, or brought on by anger?
*In private, talk directly to your mind. Tell it that you're not going to hang onto this person anymore. That you are okay single. You know that someone who is better suited and has time will appear if need be. You don't need your crush anymore. Take your hands in a triangle and push away the bad thoughts -- it may sound weird, but this physical action can help reset your brain.
*Cleansing comes with creating more positive emotions. Do what you can to laugh. Get out of bed, you don't need to sit there like a lummox. Be creative. Follow your passions. Life is too short to waste it focused on someone who doesn't spend time with you, isn't going to be there for you, or just isn't involved in your life to begin with. Learn a new language, learn a new musical instrument, take up dancing, take up pottery -- but you don't need to focus on the wrong guy anymore.
Try making an intentional space that you use to refocus yourself on cleansing. This does not mean that you force a new love interest into your heart. Be patient. It may take time, but the right one will come, so focus more on cleansing.
Water is a great tool for wiping out the gunk in your life. Drink lots of water. Take showers and baths. Go to the ocean. Play in the rain.
Remember, you are also trying to help yourself shine more. Try adding salt to your diet. Use sea salt if you can!
Try washing your sheets every two weeks. Keep cleaning to get rid of dirt and to help your mind be in the process of cleaning and moving forward, rather than stuck. Don't be afraid to do spring cleaning in a completely different season.
Don't be by yourself for three months in order to do a cleansing. Go out with your friends or make new ones. New social atmosphere will do you good. Cleansing usually happens in social exchange, if you have a positive group of people to interact with. Your friends will want to bond with you, encourage you, and bring joy into your life where you might not have appropriately been receiving those blessings.
Friends will help ask the right questions, they'll keep you busy, and they might help you to find someone new when the time is right.
*Drown yourself in alcohol. A lot of people try to get over someone by marrying the whiskey bottle, and it generally just brings out all the wrong emotions and can even worsen any existing problems.
*Get into smoking, especially if you haven't been smoking already. You don't need to take up a new addiction, you need to take up a new sense of clean self.
*Don't go bankrupt on buying a new wardrobe.
*Don't text him angry messages every single day. Or angry communication everyday. Does he need to know? Probably not.
*Don't try to see if he is interested in someone else or stalk him when he is in a relationship.
*Don't message his new girlfriend.
*Don't drive by where he lives, works, and hangs out in hopes of coming across him.
*Don't get into cyber bullying.
*Don't inflict self harm. If you are at the point of self harm, please see a medical professional.
What words come to your mind when you hear the word cleansing?
Remember, there are five whooping stages to grief.
FIRST, you may experience only denial. You may be in serious denial that he doesn't have a girlfriend. You may deny that things are not as bad as they seem. You might be here for awhile, but eventually it will sink in, and you will move onto stage two.
2. Stage two is all about the anger. You might suddenly find yourself... boiling. You might secretly want to strangle him, but don't. It is most likely best that he doesn't know about your anger, so don't send angry text messages or big pity parties. Actually, what may be best, is to relax, and think directly about your anger in a private place. You don't have to tell people the imaginative things you come up with and of course, don't take seriously.
3. Then comes bargaining. You may try to regain control. You may try getting his opinion again. You may try changing the way you look to see if that will help. Just know this is another stage.
4. Then comes a great deal of horrible depression. You'll be really sad. I believe this is the time you'll need your sad music. You're almost done with this whole grief process. So... have a party about your sadness. Draw, paint, sing, dance out those emotions. Or make sure you have clean sheets and a really nice blanket or two if you are going to be stuck in bed... and rightly know it.
5. Then there's acceptance. Eventually.... your brain and heart are going to let go. And you know what? Hallelujah, your heart is strong enough to break! So, move on! Get over that lazy butt, and be the more happy, rejuvenated you.