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How To Get Over Someone You Love Who Doesn’t Love You Back

Updated on June 17, 2015

Loving someone who doesn’t feel the same way about you may be one of the most painful experiences anyone can have. The excruciating pain can be inexplicably unbearable. And you know that if ever you come out of it, you’ll never be the same again.

Of course, the pain is different in degree for everyone. It may all depend on how hopeful you are and on how strong your emotions are in that particular affiliation. Some people get over the pain for one day, others for one week. But then, there are others who feel the pain longer, say, one month or one year? There are a few people who find it hard to get better on their own and eventually need the help of psychiatrists and prescription medicines just to get better. Very few people never get back on their feet and become insane permanently. And there are others who eventually commit suicide because of the unbearable pain they are feeling. One thing is for sure, when talking about love, pain, and matters of the heart, nothing about it is a joke.


The following tips are not foolproof. They won’t make the pain go away. They will just lessen the degree of the damage that you’ll have to face. And when you eventually become ready to face the world again, you know you’ll be on the right track.

Number One

Allow yourself to grieve. If you are in pain, allow yourself to grieve over it. There is just no other way around it. It is the only surefire way to get over the pain and stay sane in the long run. Some people may think that masking their feelings will work better for them, but the truth is, you are just denying yourself the fact that you need to get over it.

Number Two

Do not self-destruct. It is not news that there are people who commit suicide when they are in despair. In the same way, there are people who hurt themselves so badly when they feel bad about themselves. Believe me, this is one thing you don’t want to be doing to yourself. All this heartache will blow over one day, and when that day comes, you want to be whole again.

Number three

Facing facts. Some people try to avoid contact with the person who broke their heart. The problem with this is you are giving room for hope. It’s okay to avoid contact with that person as long as you are ready to face the fact that it is hopeless. Otherwise, you can try to contact that person and if he/she tries to avoid you, then you know that it is hopeless. Just make sure that before you make any moves, you are ready to face the consequences and get over it as soon as possible. You don’t want to annoy that person with your hang-ups. You don’t want to pass yourself up as someone who is annoying.


Number Four

Focus on the negative side of this person. Sure, this person is perfect, that’s why you’re in love him/her in the first place. However, you need to remind yourself that no one is perfect and that includes this special person who broke your heart.

Number Five

Get rid of things that will make you remember him/her. Get rid of any pictures, letters, gifts, and any other things you may have of him/her. If you’re not ready to trash those out just yet, you can always just hide them in a place where you don’t have to be reminded of that person all of the time.

Number Six

Be preoccupied. You can always try to be more preoccupied with work or any other activities. You may have hobbies and other activities that you have passed up for quite some time. You can always try to get back to those hobbies and activities again.

Number Seven

Think happy thoughts or happy memories. You can’t stop yourself from feeling bad and you may even feel that life isn’t worth living anymore. It is a feeling that is inevitable if you are feeling extreme emotional pain. You can always attempt to shift your thoughts to happier memories (not with this person) or simply just daydream. Remember that you can’t hurt yourself that way.

Number Eight

Don’t be the next prey to the next predator. Many people believe that loving someone else immediately will make them feel better immediately. Sure, it may help in certain points but you may also be endangering yourself to the next predator that comes along. There are certain facts that you have to know: when you are in pain, your judgment may be clouded, and you may be risking your own safety. Remember that during these moments, you are very vulnerable, and no one else is more aware of it than you are. So take care of yourself.

Number Nine

Find solace. Many people find solace by being with friends and relatives who understand and care. Others, however, may want to travel or go out for an adventure. Do whatever it is that can make you feel better and eventually, you will feel better.

It's not going to be easy to get over someone you love, but it is very possible to save yourself from destructive behavior while you're in pain. In time, you'll see that everything will get better.


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    • profile image

      jason kearney 4 years ago

      Bull crap my life is lost without her . this is impossible without NY true live. To trust again never . open my heart never

    • DabbleYou profile image

      DabbleYou 4 years ago

      Thanks, DDE. :)

    • DDE profile image

      Devika Primić 4 years ago from Dubrovnik, Croatia

      Great aspects to focus on and so helpful. You have made useful points and to the point

    • DabbleYou profile image

      DabbleYou 4 years ago

      Hi Nell, I know, it's easier for some than for others. Thanks a lot for dropping by and for sharing. :)

      Hi Schoolgirlforreal, it's just too bad that for most of us, when we do love, we want to be loved back, so when that doesn't happen, it can hurt a lot. Moving on just isn't that easy. As for committing suicide, it's rare but it happens. Some people are more vulnerable than others. Thanks for reading and for leaving a nice comment. :)

      Hi Bk42author, I wonder how long you grieve. It's not easy to grieve and work out, that's for sure. Thanks for dropping by and for the vote. :)

    • Bk42author profile image

      Brenda Thornlow 4 years ago from New York

      Great advice! Personally, I've found allowing myself to grieve plus occupying myself with working out and/or writing very effective. Voted up!

    • schoolgirlforreal profile image

      schoolgirlforreal 4 years ago

      Great hub although one thing I think we NEED to remember is that in some cases, there are people who love a lot, and have big hearts, and it's OK to love a person in your heart, as long as you're not bothering them, or yourself. It so happens sometimes that people live and never fall in love again, or do. But it's ok to feel and not feel you have to block it or move on and forget everything because just like when a parent dies, you will always love that parent and so it's ok to love a person and pray for them even if you like that, but I do agree you shouldn't focus on it too much. That's just my opinion. As far as committing suicide, that's never an option- not for me, I'm a Christian and God helps us also to get thru anything. :)

    • Nell Rose profile image

      Nell Rose 4 years ago from England

      Great advice Dabble, yes some people do get over it really quickly when someone doesn't love them anymore, others take years. I know a few people who seem to be heartbroken, then a week later have moved in with someone else! I can never understand that! voted up and shared!