11 Smart Ways To Handle A Break-up With Your Boyfriend
How To Deal With A Break Up With Your Boyfriend
You Need To Deal With The Break Up
One of the heartaches of life some of you women may face is to break up with your boyfriend. How do you deal with such a situation if it happens?
A break-up in a relationship is awkward for most women to discuss, regardless of their culture or their religion. For some women the grief of losing someone they may have loved is so heavy that they cannot simply accept the reality of what has happened.
If you have broken up with your boyfriend, you too may find yourself struggling to come to terms with the death of your romantic relationship. Perhaps you may not be handling the break up gracefully.
It is true that we do not all respond to disappointment and loss the same way. Be assured that though you have broken up with your boyfriend, you are not alone. Many women have found effective ways to deal with this situation and I share with you some things you can do to deal with the situation.
Loneliness is perhaps one of the greatest challenges faced by those who have broken up with a partner. You may feel completely lost and alone. Your boyfriend may have been your best friend. You may have spent a lot of time together. Understandably you will find it difficult coming to terms with the fact that the man who used to hug you whenever you met, cuddled you, spoke words of comfort to you when you were down emotionally, and who used to take you out to eat at restaurants is no longer there. When you think about the things you used to do together it may make you cry. But you have to cope with a break up.
Face the Cruelty of Life
You need to change your relationship with the pain. Yes your boyfriend has broken up the relationship. You need to realize that he is gone. You are no longer dating him. Acknowledge and understand the loss. Get on with your life. Learn to live without him. Adjust to his absence. Find new ways of existing without him. Write a goodbye letter to him thanking him for all the wonderful things you shared together and for helping you to spend some of your time on this earth with him. Sit and read it aloud to yourself. This will bring home the reality that the person you loved, the relationship you enjoyed is gone. Then destroy the letter.
Work On Your Mind
Most of the battles of life are fought in our minds. Your ability to sail through the situation depends on how well you guard your mind from allowing negative thoughts to take root and germinate into worry, depression, and other negative emotions.
You can guard your mind from giving in to negative thoughts and emotions effectively by being careful about what you think about and hear. Take charge of your heart and don’t allow fear, hatred, and bitterness to gain strongholds in your mind. Occupy your mind with uplifting thoughts. Avoid television and radio programs that remind you of your boyfriend. Stop listening to music both of you enjoyed together.
This is very necessary for your own healing. Unforgiveness breeds bitterness which can induce certain illnesses such as ulcers and high blood pressure. And even worse than that when you do not forgive someone, that person controls you. You spend precious man hours thinking about that persona and how you can exact revenge instead of focusing on your own life whilst that person may not even be thinking about you and getting on with his life. He controls your appetite, your sleep, your zest for life and your productivity. Anytime you remember him you cannot function properly.
Forgiveness must not be done lightly. Forgiveness helps you to release your anger. Releasing your anger means giving it up. It means letting go of your right to revenge or hanging on to self pity. It means not feeling that you will do him any harm if you had the opportunity to do so. Genuine forgiveness is never easy. The ability to forgive comes from God. Pray and ask Him to help you to forgive your former boyfriend or husband for whatever he may have done to you. Ask God for the power to do that. God will give you that power and the feeling of having let every bitterness go will come later. Forgiveness is not a once-and-for-all affair. It must be repeated many times until the memories of the hurt no longer have a hold on you. It takes a lot of effort but you must do it if you will be able to get on with your life. It is one of the best ways to handle a break up.
If possible engage in some form of exercise, even if it is only brisk walking. Physical activity will get you out of the house. Exercise triggers the release of endorphins, chemical substances in the brain which give you a sense of well-being. This will make you feel better.
You may also try this exercise suggestion:
- Lie on your bed. Bring your right knee up into your chest. Pull hard. Slide the right leg back on the bed. Relax. Bring up your left knee into your chest. Pull hard. Slide your left leg back on the bed. Relax. Alternate relaxing and stretching. This exercise will help you to relax.
- Another exercise you may do is to lie on your back and stretch out full length. Place your hands behind your head and bend forward as far as possible. Relax and repeat ten times. Do this exercise continuously twice a day. With time you will feel much better and more relaxed.
Comedy is another thing you can use to help you handle a break up with your boyfriend. It will make you laugh your pain away and make you get your self belief back.
Therefore, watch a lot of comedy movies in the days immediately after the break up. Whenever you have any leisure time, feed your eyes with other people doing funny things. Participate actively by laughing at what you see. Involve your whole body in the experience. Clap when you have to. Shout when you have to. Enjoy the time. It will give you relief.
Also, you may decide to read comedy books or funny jokes, if you love reading, or listen to funny radio programs.
You can use animals to help you get over a break up with your boyfriend by spending some time with them and making them share your sorrow. For example, you can just talk to your dog or cat about your loss. They may not understand what you are saying, but they will listen alright. It will give you mental relief that you are letting out your hurt to a living being that at least can listen.
If you live in an area where you can keep rabbits, get a few rabbits. They are very interesting animals, doing all sorts of antics which can make you laugh. Spend time with them, especially in the morning when they like jumping around and doing all sorts of funny antics. It will make you laugh and forget your pain.
Also, you may decide to get a parrot. As you hear it trying to imitate the words you say, it will amuse you and let you forget the break up.
Dance When You Are Alone
When you are alone in your bedroom and you are tempted to think about your ex boyfriend, or about the break up, put your favorite DVD or CD in your machine and dance away your sorrow. Jump around, and shake your body, and shout and scream. Make it lively and exciting. It will take your mind off the depressing thoughts.
Look Forward to a Bright Future
After you have been able to handle the break up, you will need to move on with your life. What are some of the things you can do to move on with your life?
- Be optimistic and believe that there is hope for your future. Do not think for one moment that you may not find new love.
- Say positive words to yourself. You can say things such as, "This is not the end of my love life. I will find a new boyfriend. I can make another man fall in love with me. I will make another man fall in love with me," or "The best days of my love life are yet to come. It is even now that I am going to find better love. I am also going to be a better lover because I have the experience of having been in a relationship with my ex boyfriend. Things will get better."
- Have a positive mental attitude. You can do this by reading the stories of women who have overcome the break up of a relationship, only to find an even better lover, and who are enjoying their new relationships.
- See the experience as a learning opportunity which helped you to build your character, and which helped you to grow and mature as a person.
Remember the Disadvantaged
There are many people in this life whose life is far worse than yours. Some of them are orphan children, the elderly, widows, and the sick. They are also going through pain just like you are also going through pain. At this time of your pain, you will find it easier to identify with some of them and help them. It will keep you occupied, and make you gain new experiences in life which will give you a new focus for your life.
Therefore, find time to visit a widow, or an orphan, or a sick person in your neighborhood. Talk to the person and let him or her tell you about their life and their experiences. It will make you see that your situation is better than someone else's, and it will help you to console yoursel and cheer yourself up.
Talk to Experienced Friends
Identify those of your friends who have also broken up with their boyfriends before. Ask them how they managed to cope. Let them tell you the coping mechanisms you must use to help you survive the break up. Spend a lo of time with them so that they can give you moral support.
Also, visit Facebook and look for groups created by women who are trying to handle break ups with their ex boyfriends. Join some of these groups and connect with strangers who are also trying to handle their break ups. Share experiences and words of consolation. Support each other through the trying times. Alternately, you might decide to create a Facebook group yourself to make women who have broken up with their boyfriends vent their pain and hurt. As you help them to find relief, you will obtain relief yourself.
Sing Soul Uplifting Songs to Yourself
One thing you can do to handle a break up with your boyfriend is to sing songs that will strengthen your soul and give you fresh hope for tomorrow. Sing hymns whilst you are cooking, or doing the laundry, or during your work break when you are having lunch. Or, sing the songs of your favorite gospel musicians. As you focus on the words of the songs and meditate on them, they will energize you and help you to forget about the break up.
Rely On God For Comfort
- The Bible says that, “Cast your burden on the Lord and He will sustain you.” How do you cast your burden on the Lord? By praying constantly and fervently. Prayer is not some kind of emotional crutch. It is real and vital communication with the God of all comfort who comforts us when we go through tribulation. God heals the brokenhearted. God binds up the emotional wounds of those who have been hurt emotionally. God raises those who are bowed down.
- You can pray a prayer such as, "Dear God, I come to you with a broken heart and a hurt spirit. I am very sad. I feel terrible and need someone to talk to, and I know You are willing to hear the prayer of anybody who approaches you in sincerity. I am terribly disappointed Ike has decided to break up with me. But I know You still love me and care about me. You are the Friend of the lonely. You are the Helper of the helpless. You are the Hope of the hopeless. Father, please help me. Give me strength to survive this challenge. Help me to get on with my life. Amen."
- No matter how bad you feel, take your Bible and read it. God will speak to you through it and give you comfort. He will help you to understand that you have many wonderful moments ahead in life and that you have to let go of the past if you will experience those wonderful moments in the future. Commit Bible verses to memory and say them whenever you are tempted to become sad. It will strengthen your spirit and help you to endure.
Whether you can move on or not depends on your attitude to the situation. If you exercise faith in God, have patience, and see light at the end of the tunnel, you will handle your break up with your boyfriend well and go on to make another man love you.
Has It Happened To You Before?
Have You Broken Up With Your Boyfriend Before?
© 2014 Isaac Yaw Asiedu Nunoofio