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How To Help Your Partner Who Is Addicted To Love
If you are in a relationship with a person who is affected by love addiction, is it a good decision to break up with her if you do lover her? Should you continue in the relationship with her or should you end the relationship? Well, the ball is in your court. However, I believe if you do love her you don’t need to end the relationship. The best you can do is to help her to rise above this addiction.
It is fact in many relationships consisting of a partner who is an addict, be it a love or drug addict, the one who is not an addict is the one who more often than not calls the shots. Being in a relationship with an addict is not easy. It can be hard to keep up with an addict.
If you do love your partner and want to see her recovering from the love addiction, the best you can do is to offer what you can. You cannot be able to make her get over the addiction; you can only direct her to seeing how the addiction is having an effect on her.
The following are ways you can help your partner get over the love addiction. They are not arranged in any order.
1. Be Patient
If you have been addicted to any form of addiction, you know very well it is hard to withdraw. Once a person withdraws, he begins feeling the effects of withdrawal – symptoms of withdrawal - which forces him to go back to the addiction to feel ‘high.’
Furthermore, once a person is addicted he doesn’t feel like withdrawing from it. He wants to feel the ‘high’ more often. The addict may experience relapses or may deal with the addiction for once and all.
It doesn’t take several days for an addict to get over the addiction. It takes weeks and months as it is a process whereby every bit of what contributed to the addiction has to be eradicated one-by-one. Not at once because it can never work. Understanding this will enable you to exercise patience as you will need it a lot when living with an addict.
You will feel like giving up by ending the relationship but because of your love for your partner you’ll press on. You’ll be there for your partner because that is what love is all about.
2. Be Persistent But In A Kind Way
Let her know she needs to deal with the addiction. By this time you should have ample information on what love addiction is – the causes, symptoms and effects. You have noticed your partner displays certain characteristics of love addiction. Let her know the signs she is exhibiting are those of a person suffering from love addiction. Let her know the effects of the addiction in her life, in your relationship and the relationship she has with her friends and family. You should be persistent she needs to deal with her addiction but do so in a gentle manner. Don’t be harsh or use ‘bad’ words. You will only increase the negative feelings she entertains about herself – unworthy, useless, unlovable, of no importance etc.
3. Show Your Support But Tell Her The Truth
You should tell her and show by actions that you will support her. Let her know since you love her, you want the best for her. You want to see her getting over the addiction because of the negative effects the addiction has in her life. Nonetheless, don’t be afraid to tell her the truth. Why? In many instances, addicts don’t want to accept they are addicted. The signs they exhibit show they are addicted but they don’t admit it is the case.
Some addicts are aware they are addicted but for others they believe they’re not addicted. Some addictions such as love, cigarette, and alcoholism are some of the addictions in which people who are obsessed in them don’t know they are dependent on the addictions.
Let her know if she doesn’t do anything to deal with the addiction then it’s impossible for the relationship to survive. It is the truth. She should know her addiction is making the relationship harder to live by therefore she needs to do something about it.
Let her know if she doesn’t deal with it then you’ll need to be separated until she recovers from it. You are not ending the relationship but a break since you two need it so that she can deal with it. If it arrives at a point you decide the two of you need a break, don’t forget to get in contact with her once or twice a week.
4. Immerse Yourself On Information Related To Love Addiction
There are countless of information on love addiction – causes, signs and how a love addict can deal with his/her addiction. Learn as much as you can. The more information you have the more you are armed the better you will know what love addiction is all about and how you can help your partner. There are books which deal with love addiction and the Internet is full of information about love addiction.
5. Find The Cause Of Her Low Self-Esteem
Each and every one of us has undergone through negative/difficult/hard times during our growing years. Some of us had experienced the extreme negative side of what we went through during our childhood years. As a result we grew up forming beliefs of what we underwent. We turned the beliefs into facts. This is the reason why love addicts have low self-esteem – they came up with assumptions of which they believed to be the truth.
A child who is continuously abused will grow up believing she is unworthy and unlovable. A child who doesn’t receive enough love and care will tend to believe she is useless, of no value the reason her parent(s) don’t love her.
Sit down with her and try to find out what is the cause of her low self-esteem. Once you locate it, it will be easier to deal with her low self-esteem. Remember, love addicts have low self-esteem. This is the reason why they are not confident in many situations, they believe they cannot do anything better and so on.
6. Find The Root Cause Of The Addiction
It is possible the reasons why she is addicted to love are the same reasons why she has low self-esteem. On the other hand, the causes of love addiction may be different from the causes that led her to develop low self-worth.
Knowing the cause of the addiction or of a certain problem is the first step in dealing with that addiction or problem. Every problem has its start. Locating the starting point of the addiction is the first step in establishing why a person is addicted to what he is addicted to. When you know the cause of your problem, it will be easier to deal with the problem. In the case of loved addicts, the cause of their problems has to do more with what they underwent during their childhood years.
7. Pay A Counselor/Psychologist A Visit
If you are able visit a counselor. Since they are skilled in dealing with the mindset of people, the psychologist will be able to help your partner. It will require schedules of which you have to encourage your partner to attend. If the counselor accepts, you can be attending the sessions together with your partner.
8. Buy Her Motivational Books Or CDs
If we have no cause or purpose in our lives, then our lives are meaningless. We can better be grouped in the same category with zombies since zombies never have any purpose other than drinking blood to stay alive.
When we have an aim or goal in our minds then can we do all it takes in order to fulfill the goal. When you buy motivational books and/or CDs for your partner, your partner will become inspired. She will be motivated to do something about her addiction. She will be challenged and put to test.
The best part of these motivational books and/or CDs is they don’t miss personal experienced stories. We learn a lot by listening to stories of how people overcome challenges. Your partner needs to see and hear for herself.
9. Why Not Show Her That You Lover Her?
Love addicts due to their low self-esteem feel they are unloved. This is why they chase love in order to feel loved. This is why they fear a breakup to transpire. This is explains why they always please their partners in order to avoid a breakup. What they lacked in their childhood is what they are compensating in their adulthood. Demonstrate to her that you do lover her. Let her know through your words and actions that you do lover her. Don’t take advantage of vulnerability because you will not enjoy the relationship. Love has to be willing.
Let herself see from your example what true love is all about. Let her know she doesn’t need to fight in order to feel loved. Let her know she doesn’t need to please you in order to be loved. Let her know which forces might be making her to be in love or to fall in love. She needs to deal with the forces. Let her know true love comes naturally.
10. Challenge Her Beliefs
You have to work out with her on how to change the beliefs she believes are true but are just opinions which aren’t validated. She needs to change her mental view of what she had grown up believing. To believe that in order to be loved she has to do something. To realize she doesn’t need to do something in order to be loved. She doesn’t need to cling to a partner in order not to feel the abandonment she felt while at a young age. She needs to deal with her beliefs by expelling each one of them and reinforcing each one with what is a fact. She needs to know happiness and peace and fulfillment comes from within, not outside, not in relationships, not in chasing love nor chasing love. You can help her in this road.
11. She Has To Admit She Is Addicted
Your partner has to admit she is addicted. If she doesn’t admit it will be hard to help her in whatever way you can. In addition, she will not be able to be helped or counseled. On top of that she will not be able to do something about her addiction because she doesn’t believe she’s addicted or knows she’s addicted but doesn’t think so. Admitting she is addicted is accepting there are changes she needs to make in her life in order to stop the addiction. You have to let her know once she admits she is addicted then she will accept help and she will realize she needs to stop the addiction so that the addiction may not cause havoc in her life.
12. She Has To Be Willing To Change
You shouldn’t force her to change. No person can change another person however willing that person is. You can only change the behaviors, attitudes or the negative thoughts you accommodate but you cannot change those of another person. Once she admits she is addicted then she needs to agree she has to do what it takes to recover from the addiction. She needs to take the necessary steps to ensure she is no longer addicted to love.
Show me a smile then,
Don’t be unhappy, can’t remember
When I last saw you laughing
If this world makes you crazy
And you’ve taken all you can bear
You call me up
Because you know I’ll be there
And I’ll see your true colors
I see your true colors
And that’s why I love you
So don’t be afraid to let them show
Your true colors
True colors are beautiful
Like a rainbow.
(Sung by Cyndi Lauper. Written by: Steinberg, Billy/Kelly, Tom)
Retrieved from LyricsFreak, titled: ‘Cyndi Lauper – True Colors Lyrics'