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How To Keep Your Relationship Strong in the Face of Perimenopause- Help for Men

Updated on November 13, 2012

All marriages that last end up facing this one common problem- Perimenopause. Perimenopause is that difficult period in a woman's life before and after menopause. Menopause is that period when a woman's hormones stop functioning and she is no longer able to get pregnant. The period before this happens is that time when her hormones go crazy and you both feel like you are going to go crazy. The period after menopause is that time when your wife no longer has those hormones and can be either calm or just as crazy as Premenopause. So, the question is, how will you both survive this time in life when you both feel like you're losing it? Better yet, how will you make your relationship strong through this time?

Signs of Perimenopause

So, how do you know if your wife is going through perimenopause?

1. Huge mood swings

Now, guys we are not talking about the minor mood swings of PMS. I'm talking mood swings that will drive you insane. One minute you are the best man who ever walked the earth and the next minute you are piece of crap. All that happens within seconds. You are left with your head spinning and wondering how God could expect anyone to go through this. Too, if she isn't mad, she's crying simply because she got a text from someone. Then she's happy because you are so wonderful, then she's mad because you didn't cry with her because she got a text. This time period leaves you longing for the good ole days of PMS.

2. Hot flashes

Guys, be prepared to be frozen to death. Your wife will be majorly hot, then majorly cold. Mostly hot though. You will want a vacation to Antarctica to get away to the warmth. By the way, it will all be your fault.

3. Depression

Your wife will most likely suffer through some serious depression due to the hormone changes going on inside her. She really won't have a reason to be depressed, so you will need to be patient.

4. Sickness and lack of energy

She will get very tired and sleepy, but be up all night. So, you will need to step up and help around the house. Too, she will be sick, but not need a doctor. You will just have to let her rest.

5. Changes in sexual behavior

Due to the hormone changes, your wife may lose her desire and have vaginal dryness, which will cause pain. Be patient. There are therapies for this, but love her through it.

6. Anxiety attacks

Many women experience anxiety attacks due to the hormonal changes. You will need to reassure her and help her calm down through these episodes. Keep in mind that nothing is wrong; she is just going through some major changes.

7. Memory loss

Memory loss is a common symptom of perimenopause. Your wife will say something and forget it two seconds later. You both will probably argue because she is blaming you for something that happened or was said, but she forgot. You will need to simply remind her.

What you can do to keep your relationship strong

As men, we love our wife, but this period of life can really test our love. So, what can you do to keep your relationship with your wife strong as she struggles through this change?

1. Remember who she is

It can be easy at this time to forget the amazing woman that you married. Your wife is still that amazing woman. What your wife is experiencing is not who she is. Who she is is that woman you married. Always keep in mind her amazing qualities that you fell in love with.

2. Be patient and loving

More than anything she need you to love her and be patient with her through this. Walk through this with her. Don't leave her alone. The woman who is normally nurturing, needs to be nurtured. So, give her extra love.

3. Take time for yourself

You will need to get away at times in order to keep from going crazy. Take a day trip, work on a hobby or do something to help distract yourself for a little while. Doing this from time to time will help you keep your cool as you try to love your wife through this difficult time.

4. Be there for her

You will often want to run away or yell at her. Just stay calm and listen. Remember, she doesn't like this anymore than you do. So, be there for her. She has been there for you. It's time to return the favor.

5. Take her on dates

Take her out for a fun and romantic evening. Your goal is to do one thing- Have Fun! You both need the release and she will love you for it. Be her hero. Be her knight in shining armor. It will keep the closeness for both of you.

6. Defend her

At times she will yell at others and create friction with others. You will need to gently tell them what she is going through. Others may not realize the change she is going through, so take time to teach them and defend her.


There it is. There is hope. You both can not only survive menopause, but you can thrive and come out the other side stronger than ever. It will take patience and a whole lot of love. But you can do it. You have it in you. If you follow these steps, you will be amazed how beautiful your relationship can be. If you put yourself out there for your wife, you will discover a man inside of you that you didn't even know existed. It will be very difficult at times to go through this, but if you determine to go through it together, your relationship will take on new meaning.


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