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How to Know If a Woman Is Faking It

Updated on March 19, 2019
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Summer loves spending time with her family, reading, traveling, and cuddling with her puppy.

Oh, What A Feeling!

Now, this looks like a genuinely happy woman
Now, this looks like a genuinely happy woman

The Age Old Question- Is She Faking Orgasms?

It's almost not fair. It's easy for a woman to tell if a man has 'faked it' so to speak (obviously), however there is no real way to tell if a woman is faking an orgasm. She might shudder, shake, and call out your name- but is it real? Do you 'really' do it for her? Does she make noise and applaud your sexual prowess to appease you or feed your ego? What is she telling her friends? Is she telling them that you are the ultimate lover or is she confiding in them that you just don't get the job done?

It's not like you can see her orgasm. A woman can obviously see an erection, but it's difficult to see if a woman's sex organs are engorged. Men ejaculate, and while some women can do this, most woman don't ejaculate so that you can see it. If a man decides to take it upon himself to learn how to please a woman by watching pornography, he will undoubtedly see women moaning and groaning, and maybe even assume that she's having a constant orgasm. (She's not, so don't for a minute think that's real life..)

Believe it or not, women have made an art of 'faking it' for centuries. And, is it really any wonder? In the United States, a very 'new' country, Puritan values forbade premarital sex and speaking about sex at all. Catholicism, (transformed to several 'Christian' denominations over the past couple thousand of years), forbids sex unless two people are procreating. Some Muslim countries don't allow women to show any part of their bodies, to this day. Up until recently (and it's still a common stereotype), men who have a lot of sex are perceived to be 'studly,' whilst women who are known to enjoy sex are known as dirty and unworthy of respect. And, to further elaborate, women who have a lot of sex are not trustworthy and certainly can't be thought of as 'truthful.' We have, as a society, been conditioned to believe that women are supposedly 'naturally' chaste. Even with the powerful women's movements over the past fifty years, and the #MeToo movement, many women still feel that it's 'dirty' to enjoy sex. Sex is something that many women still feel guilty about. So, with all of this pent up frustration, repression, and confusion, how can you know if she's really getting pleasure? Well.. there are ways that are a lot easier than many men and women think about.

Easiest Way? Just Ask, Silly!

So Much To Say

If you're in a relationship and you're wondering if you're satisfying your woman, the best thing to do is simple. Just ask. In fact, if you are in a new relationship and you haven't been intimate as of yet, it's a good idea to talk about what you like, and find out about her wants and desires. This happens a lot more than it used to.

Various statistics show that with the over 7500 online dating sites, 65% of people you know have met someone online or gone on an online date. While young people 18-24 or more likely to use 'hook-up' apps like Tinder, people 40 and over are more likely to use sights like Match.com (the most popular dating site in the world), to look for commonalities as well as 'looks' for their preference. What does this have to do with sex? Well, with texting and talking before you even meet 'in real life,' there is plenty of time to discuss what you like in the bedroom. This is especially true with people who are in long distance relationships, where infrequent meetings are often filled with lots of bedroom time.

Personally, I moved 800 miles away to be with a man I met on a spin-off .match.com' site. I met him and talked to him a couple of times and we got to talking on the phone, and then I decided to fly 800 miles to meet him. We dated for over a year back and forth until I moved to be with him, and we are still together. We talked about sex a lot, and it felt very nice to be able to explain to him what I wanted and needed. However, many people also lie about their identity online, and lie about other things to present the best possible front.

The point is, regardless of how you've met, if you really want to know how you can please your female partner, you have to ask in an honest way. And, you have to let her know that you truly want to please her. Let her know that you don't want her to 'fake it' because you truly want to please her, even if she can't reach an orgasm.

Bringing a woman (or a man) to climax takes a lot of practice. People need to get used to each other, and that means they have to get used to the way another person feels. Having the trust of your female counterpart and letting her know that you are truly interested in making her climax is the first step to satisfying her. If she agrees with you and she's willing to give you some direction, take it. No one can love anyone the way she loves herself, which brings me to my next point.

Trial and Error

Watch and Learn

If you really want to know how to bring a woman to orgasm, all of the discussions and talks are important to make her feel like she can trust that you are interested in pleasing here. However, if you want to have a real life guide, simply ask her to masturbate for you. She might be shy to do this, but it's the best way to find out. I did this for my guy and he learned the motions that brought me to orgasm the quickest. Also, masturbate for her, because she'll likely want to know what works for you. As much as men get a sense of satisfaction for being a good lover, women crave this as well.

Things to watch for in particular:

-The motion of her fingers on her labia (round motions, quick back and forth, etc)

-If she likes to use a vibrator, does she put it inside her vagina and rub her clitoris, or does she just put the dildo on the outside of the clitoris?

-What other things does she like while attempting to climax. Does she like to be kissed? Does she like her nipples touched? Pay attention to these details. Remember, just as you know how to please yourself, chances are she does too.

-Get to know her sounds and breathing while she's masturbating. Listen to her breath. Does her breath become quicker and and more shallow when she's about to achieve climax?

-Get to know her body language when she brings herself to climax. Does her back arch? Does her skin flush, does she make a particular noise? If so, these are all things to look for when you are trying to bring her to orgasm. Give up the ego, and recreate it knowing that you have studied her body and you 'really' know how to please her.

Of course, not every woman will be comfortable having you watch her masturbate, so it's up to you to make her comfortable. A good lover will display a need for pleasing his partner, and patience for learning how to please his partner.

What Can You Do?

Do you know how to give you female partner a real orgasm?

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Don't Be A Selfish Lover

We are all selfish lovers from time to time. Sometimes I am just too tired from my day to even think about sex. And, sometimes I am too tired to get on top or to switch positions. Sometimes my guy is the same way. However, this is an especially important part of being a good lover. Let your woman know that you understand that she's tired, but you want to help her relax. Let her know that you don't expect anything in return, and just please her the way you know best. And, if she says she's simply too tired to try, then respect that. Respecting her need for rest will be much more effective than chastising her and telling her you're upset because she's making excuses. Giving her space and time shows her that you truly do want what pleases her. If resting and relaxing after a long day is what she needs, than so be it!

Ask Questions While You're 'Doing It'

No one likes it when they have a non-verbal partner. If you are trying to please her and she's laying there like a dead fish, you are likely not getting much satisfaction from the sex either. Be sure to tell her how good she makes you feel, and guide her in the right direction. There is nothing wrong with saying 'I like it this way,' or 'Can you move this way?'

By the same token, if you're really trying to please her, be sure to first, notice her body language. Second, ask questions. 'Do you like this baby?' 'How does this feel?' 'Is this what you want?' Reassure her that you want to know the truth, and you want to genuinely please her.

Things Are Looking Up

Change It Up

If you're bored with your sexual routing, remember that she probably is too. Again, communicating is essential, but lack of communication can really kill sexual chemistry, as well as a relationship.

If you think that she's going to say no to something out of your ordinary routine, you'll never know until you ask. Lots of women enjoy things like role playing, sex toys, lubricants, porn, or other things. As I discussed in the first part of this article, women have been conditioned to be sexually repressed. It could be that she doesn't want to suggest something because she doesn't want you to view her as 'dirty' or too promiscuous. Ask and suggest things to spice up your sex life and most importantly, ask for her input. This will make her feel like she's got some control in whatever you do, and you respect her needs. For the most part, nothing feels better as a woman to be wanted.

If I Do All These Things, Will She Still Fake It?

If you really try and please your woman, and you have discussed what turns her on and what turns her off, and if you have a good understanding on what she looks like when she reaches orgasm, you've done all you can. If she still fakes it once in awhile, it's not your fault. As Kramer in Seinfeld says 'It's enough already and I just want to get some sleep.'

In all seriousness, sometimes it's hard for a woman to reach climax. So, if she does fake it, she probably cares about you and she wants you to feel good about pleasing her. At that point, is it really that important if she's faking it, or not?

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