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- Advice & Tips for Women in Relationships
How To Leave That Man
You Are Not Crazy
Ok so how long have you been in the place you are in right now? I'm curious really. I long have you been sitting there waiting by the phone for him to call? No how about this, how long have you been wondering when is he going to come home? Oh wait, wait how long have you been going to family outings, cooking, cleaning and handling your relationship with him alone?
Some of us including me, never accept the real answer to the above questions, " A very long time."
Too long for me. It was actually six years. I knew it was not the right situation for me but I kept on going. I kept believing that at the moment that I would want to give up maybe just maybe he would do the right thing since I had hung in there through all of his crap and marry me. I would get the prize. I would get ...the ring and be able to carry his last name.
So in this article I wanted to focus on the signs that so many of us look over and excuse from the men in our lives. I will not sugar coat these, I will not sit and hold your hand as you try to figure out is this you or not. Sometimes it has to hurt before it gets better. Are you ready?
Signs you are not crazy this relationship really is over:
1. He never takes you to meet his real family and friends
2. You don't know what day time hours look like with him
3. You can't remember if the mole on his back is on the left or right side
4. You are always doing and living life alone though the closet is clear in your house that the shoes and clothes and coats belong to him.
5. You find out that he is telling everyone "we are just friends" or "she is not my wife" though you were there when you married him.
6. You are covering up yet another bruise or another painful night alone that alone is a bruise itself.
7. You cannot depend upon him to protect you from anything not even the fly that may fall on your sandwich because he wouldn't be there anyway to see it when he falls.
8. shall I go on? No I don't think I can because there are way too many scenarios to choose from. I am certain that you can put your own list together based on what you experienced yourself or are dealing with right now.
Letting Him Go
The list that I just went through may not even be relevant to what you are dealing with at this moment. So here comes the interesting part. Because his behavior is not on the list you don't think that letting him go pertains to you.
Yeah it does. You know it does because well you are reading this and while you are reading this you don't like how you are feeling right now. You know the feeling I am talking about. The sick feeling, the feeling of I can't move, breathe or eat. You are nursing your cell phone like a new born baby hoping that he has text you, called you or left something on your Facebook page to indicate that he is even remotely concerned or considering you right now. You are light headed, you are lethargic and you have been up all night already searching on the major search engines on how to keep that man of yours.
How much money have you spent for access on how to make him stay? Come on now lets be truthful here. You have taken your little debit or credit card and you have put you money on the line for someone out there in cyberspace to show you how to keep the man they have never met. They will give you all of the inside secrets on men, they will show you what to do show you how to dress, where to be etc. BLAH BLAH BLAH is what I have to say to that.
If you are reading this post and it finds you feeling not so good and there is a roll of toilet tissue or a half empty box of Kleenex on your bed couch or desk at work and the tears you are shedding are about your relationship, then its time to let him go. PERIOD.
Sadly there is nothing that you can do to MAKE anyone want to be with you. Especially if you have been shown time and again that he is going to do what he chooses with you. Wait a minute! Lets read that again. He is going to do what he chooses with you. Hmmm that would make me angry right there. But you know what? You have to get mad first, then you have to stand up a bit, then you have to get the monkey off your back. How you stand up is up to you but you must stand up or this will not get any better. There won't be a moment when he realizes that you are the greatest or best thing in his life. All he sees is someone that allows him to do what he wants when and how he wants and he will continue to do so until YOU ...YOU stop it.
Never ask him "Why are you doing this to me?" JUST STOP HIM and keep going.
Letting go can be hard and painful and life altering ...but then are you not already hurting? Then LET GO.
Focus On You
Once you have let him go, the next thing you have to do is begin the process of healing for yourself. That will mean different things for different people but you you will have to focus on finding ways to sooth yourself through the process of being a single woman again.
Take walks, find friends, love on yourself, date yourself, find time to lie still and listen to nothing, enjoy your children and your family. You have to take time to move yourself to the next level in your life.
This process will take time and you may not like it. I will admit you may actually go back to him and the situation before you actually leave it alone completely. That is ok because you are human. What I will tell you is this it does get better. You will stop crying, you will smile again and there is light at the end of the tunnel. I promise you but the first thing you have to do is take the first step and that is to LET HIM GO....so you can find you.
You can do this.....you are worth it....ARE YOU READY?