How to Love My Annoying Partner
Loving Her Spouse Despite His Quirky Ways
"I Do Love My Spouse, I Do Love My Partner"
There's a bible scripture that says marriage is a mystery. Statistics tell us that marriages end in divorce fifty percent of the time. It's likely that part of this is due to the reality of the individual differences two people bring, attempting to coexist in one place.
It's not easy for two individuals, with all of their differences, to actually live happily ever after once they get to know each other.
Of course, most marriages which end prematurely have much bigger issues than individual differences that make sharing the same space intolerable. But it's sometimes the little annoyances that add up, tip the scale, and create conflict and distance.
Those little annoyances, often referred to as "quirks," can make living with your spouse or partner a bit of a challenge. These oddities or foibles endear us to them but can also cause them to get on our last nerve.
"I Hate Those Annoying Quirky Behaviors"
A quirk is defined as an idiosyncrasy or deviation. The interesting thing is that each spouse's quirk is defined through the eyes of the other spouse. The offending spouse may not see the behavior as a problem at all.
The poem below, "Don't Change," speaks to the marriage mystery of living with the quirks, endured by many spouses after years of wedded bliss. Regardless of how loudly those quirks cause the rattled spouse to scream, the acceptance of the person and unconditional love keeps the couple together.
Your Spouse's Little Quirks
How often are you bothered by those little quirks?
Annoying Hygiene Habits
Quirky Behaviors Seen From Your Perspective
Your spouse's quirky ways are seen as "deviations" from the norm based on your perspective. These deviations make you less and less tolerant of your spouse over time. Quirky behaviors in a marriage relationship can include, but are not limited to:
- Eating Habits
- Physical Hygiene
- Compulsive Behaviors
- Laundry Habits
- Household Chores
- World Views, Values, and Beliefs
- Cooking Styles
- Dishwashing Habits
- Sleep Habits
- Bathroom Habits
- Speech and Diction
- Driving Techniques
Eating Habits of Spouses and Partners
Accepting Partner's Habits with Unconditional Love
Read the poem and take a moment to look at your spouse or partner with new eyes. Count the blessings of your marriage and the positive attributes of your marriage mate. Ask yourself if the good, most of the time, outweighs that which gets under your skin.
Try a couple's exercise to identify attributes and quirky behaviors. Write down two quirks you hate and two things your spouse does that you love. Laugh at each other's quirky ways and praise each other's positive qualities, affirming your unconditional love for and acceptance of the total person.
When you feel like you want to throw a plate at your spouse as he continues to chew with open mouth, take a deep breath. Put the plate down and say, "Honey, even though your chewing gets on my last nerve, it's just one quirk that makes you who you are. I'm lucky to have someone to share a meal with me."
That type of exchange will increase his awareness and make him chew a little quieter next time.
Quirkiness is a Lovable Trait of Your Partner
Those quirks that live under my skin,
I willingly let them in.
Like that great novel
With the lull in the dullness of Chapter Six,
I still want to read more about you.
You're like an old shoe that needs replacing,
But still able to hold me snug in comforting caress.
Even as I feel the occasional sting of your words,
I love to hear the mellow sound of your voice.
Enjoying the peace that comes with your absence,
I long for the embrace of your return.
Cringing at the sound of your chew,
I look forward to our next dinner together.
Listening to your sideways points of view,
I dance with you in two-step conversation.
Falling deeper inside my unconditional love for all parts of you,
Accepting the package deal,
Wishing you'd change,
Hoping that you never will.
Beyond the Annoyances, Unconditional Love Lasts Forever
The Qualities That Really Matter
We know that marriage is not easy. It is amazing to hear that some last for 25, 40, or even 65 years. It seems that the happiest couples find a way to minimize the little annoyances and cherish the things that really matter.
Couples learn to live with the quirks and differences between them, strengthened by an endurance that promises the greater gains, benefits, and long-term companionship offered by the marriage relationship.
Information on Living with a Quirky Partner
- The Mindful Couple: Quirks
The difficulty with quirks in a partner is that, by definition, they are peculiar and idiosyncratic and not commonly shared.
"No Body Does It Better" . . . Than Your Partner.
© 2013 Janis Leslie Evans