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How Not To Be a Bridezilla

Updated on November 6, 2011
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Tame the White-Gowned Beast Before She Bites

We've all seen them. We've all heard them. It's hard to forget those foot-stomping, fist-clenching bitchy brides who go postal on the caterer or whine to their daddies about getting extra money for the aisle runner. You may have been a friend or co-worker of the bride, watching the devil horns sprout up over the months of her engagement. Or maybe you were a bridesmaid tormented by her bossy orders and hot-temper. You probably swore to yourself that you would never turn into that same monster when your turn arrived -- but how can you prevent yourself from letting it happen to you? This is a guide to help you keep things in perspective, keep the wedding-beast from being unleashed, and retain friends after the wedding.


1. You Love Your Husband To-Be

Make a list of reasons why you love your husband-to-be and review them whenever you're about to lash out.

If your fiancé is like most guys, he probably could care less about what type of flowers are on the table or what color your bridesmaids are wearing. Therefore he is not going to become vexed over details. But before you're about to pick a fight with him over lack of wedding-interest, stop and take a second to realize why you are getting married in the first place. He may not care about the decor, but he is in love with you. After all, he was the one who spent months planning the perfect proposal and picking out the perfect engagement ring. Some guys agonize over how they are going to pop the question because there's so much pressure on being original, creative, and jaw-dropping with proposals these days. Be appreciative of the fact that he spent so much time thinking of all the romantic details to make you smile. The number one thing you can do to keep yourself in check is to remember why you are tying the knot in the first place. Read your list of reasons why you love your husband-to-be. Remind yourself as often as needed why you're the lucky bride who gets to have him.


2. Your Bridesmaids Are Your Friends

Write a note to each of your bridesmaids, reflecting on what a great friend she has been to you over the years. Set and keep a realistic budget for each bridesmaid to handle.

Remember back when your girlfriends came over to hold hand while you cried through a tough break up? Remember your best friend rescuing you from a disaster date or letting you borrow her favorite designer dress? Be kind to your gal pals. They've been there for you through thick and thin. Don't bark orders and don't expect them to lower their credit score for your wedding. A nice way to show them you care is to include a thoughtful note to each girl telling her how much she means to you. Maybe you can give these to your bridesmaids as you select them or include the note in their bridesmaid gift closer to the wedding. It will be a heart-warming gesture and will help you remind yourself how she's in it for the long-haul and is willing to give up her time and money to be part of your wedding.


3. Kill Your Future Mother-in-Law...With Kindness!

Sense her acting moody? Offer to do something nice for her like go and get your nails done together or ask her to come along with you and your mom for some wedding shopping. She'll appreciate being included in the process.

Let's face it: Future mother-in-laws can be intimidating. You sometimes sense her competitive edge when you both show up with your own apple pie for Thanksgiving -- your fiancé's absolute favorite. Or she shows up to check on her baby (aka your grown adult man) when he's sick, because in her eyes she's obviously the better nurse. Now that you're getting married to her son, she can't stand the fact that you're both living together before marriage or maybe she thinks your bachelorette party idea is too skanky. Although you might be tempted to say something smart to her, remember that she's the mother of your husband-to-be and someday will be a grandmother for your children (if you have kids). You have to remember that she's going to be just as much your family as you will be hers. Instead of getting emotional on her, invite her to do something fun like go out for lunch, have bonding time at a salon, or include her in some of the wedding planning (even if you only give her something small to focus on!)


4. Be Prepared to Compromise

Decide on the things you and your fiancé have to have, but be willing to compromise with your loved ones on some things, especially if it would mean a lot to them.

Sometimes our own mothers can get on our nerves too during the wedding planning. You want a mermaid dress. She wants you in a princess ball gown. You want to get married on the beach. She wants you in a city cathedral. Ok sure, it's your day and not hers. But maybe come up with ways that you can compromise on other wedding details that will make you both happy. Figure out ahead of time what you and your fiancé have to have. Decide on what is most important to the two of you and which things can be compromised to satisfy your loved ones.


5. Set a Realistic Budget and Stick to It

Keep a strict budget for yourself so you won't be tempted to go overboard and start the fire-breathing.

Come on. Don't expect your father to take out a second mortgage on the house to pay for your wedding. Sit down with your fiancé and decide on how much you both can realistically spend. If your parents are paying for the wedding or contributing a portion to it, decide of an amount before you even start the wedding planning process. By sticking firmly to your budget, you will be less likely to overdo it and won't be able to get carried away as easily. Spend more money on the things that really matter and cut costs on some of the more frivolous, smaller details. DIY wedding tips can really make a difference in your expenses and it can give unique charm to your special day.


5. Exercise Regularly & Keep a Good Diet

Blow off your steam by taking time to exercise and eat healthy foods to help you look and feel your best right up to your wedding day.

There are two advantages here: 1) Fitting into your wedding dress, 2) Reducing your stress. By releasing all those endorphins, you'll not only have a more positive outlook on the wedding plans, but you'll also have a great, toned shape. Eating healthy foods and drinking lots of water will make you feel good and help you stay healthy. Feeling good about yourself and staying calm will prevent you from morphing into a bitchy white-veiled monster.


6. Set Aside Plenty of Time to Relax

Go to the spa or just relax on your couch. Go out with the girls, or plan a romantic date with your future hubby. Have time to spend on doing nothing related to the wedding.

In addition to the good dieting and exercise, you need to spend enough time NOT thinking about the wedding. Sure, there are lots of details to go over, and a lot of coordinating and planning needs to happen. But thinking about it 24/7 for a year or more is only going to let bridezilla take over you. Schedule time with your bridesmaids to just have some girl time, or go out with your fiancé for a nice dinner date -- without discussing anything on your wedding checklist. Unwind on your own by taking a hot bath, practice yoga, meditate, or get a massage.


7. Don't Expect the "Perfect Wedding." Do Expect a Fun Celebration.

Keep realistic expectations and expect to have fun rather than have "perfection."

Obsessing over the perfect wedding, is only a recipe for bride monster. This is a day for you and your man to celebrate your love for each other with your family and friends. This is not a day to have a melt-down if a hair is out of place. Expecting perfect isn't realistic, nor is it necessary. Do you really need to have a perfect centerpiece in order to be happily married? Does your cake really need to have extra roses on the sides to make your marriage special? Keep things in perspective and just have fun! You may also consider preparing a bridal emergency kit just in case something goes wrong. These items allow for quick fixes on the wedding day and will ensure the show goes on smoothly.


No matter what happens on your wedding day, remember that it's the beginning of your marriage. It's a day to celebrate and marks the start of your happily ever after. Keep things in perspective. Keep things realistic. Keep things fun!


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    • Cardia profile image

      Cardia 5 years ago from Barbados.

      This gives lot of great advice. Hopefully bridezillas-to-be will read this and take note!

    • emsherman profile image
      Author

      emsherman 5 years ago from Boston, MA

      Thanks Cardia! I was recently in a wedding and had to endure an out-of-control bridezilla who originally swore she would be a saintly bride, so it inspired me to write this hub. I hope no more brides end up like her!

    • DIYweddingplanner profile image

      DIYweddingplanner 5 years ago from South Carolina, USA

      Very nice, Em...and welcome to hubpages! I hope to read many more as you go through the planning process. Good luck and stay in touch!

    • Nell Rose profile image

      Nell Rose 5 years ago from England

      Hi, this sounds familiar! lol my friend got married back on 03 and what a fuss! the funny thing was everything went her way so well she even managed to have snow falling just as she took her vows! I thought it was a bad idea to get married in the winter, but trust her, she even got the weather on her side! and she still moaned! lol

    • Dolores Monet profile image

      Dolores Monet 5 years ago from East Coast, United States

      Great tips on how to act like a lady instead of a nut during wedding preparations as well as during the big event. The pressure to create the perfect wedding is ridiculous, especially in these hard economic times. I think the nasty bride gets caught up in her own importance, as if she is some kind of celebrity, as if it's all really about the wedding instead of the new life she is embarking on.

    • emsherman profile image
      Author

      emsherman 5 years ago from Boston, MA

      Thanks Dolores. Very well put! You are exactly right that many brides act as if they are celebrities entitled to an expensive, ostentatious wedding instead of focusing on the new marriage. Thanks for your comments. As a brand new hubber, I really appreciate feedback from someone who is one of the best.

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