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How To Overcome Five Obstacles To Finding Love Online (A Guide For Women)

Updated on May 7, 2009

It could be anyone on the other side of the screen...

Online dating can be difficult, but even at the best of times it is easier than drinking alcohol until your eyes water and then trying to judge the mating potential of those around you. Men like dating online because it allows them to toss a net out over a wide range of women. This often results in shotgun one liner emails on dating sites which are ignored by the smart women, but replied to by those less experienced, or less picky.

Women like dating online because it makes them feel safer. They don't have to risk the real world dangers of hanging out with an unknown male right away, and they can reject potential suitors without feeling as bad about it as they might in person.

As a woman online, you are a fairly hot commodity. Unfortunately, that doesn't mean you are always going to be treated well. Online dating is a realm full of paradox. You can find success, you can find love, but you will have to overcome the obstacles every woman who dates online does.

Being Female

If you're a female, then picking a mate on line will disturb you. You are going to discover the cesspool that lies behind the exterior of those males apparently capable of keeping up a facade of normality in the real world, but incapable of withholding their true selves online. Believe it or not, the guy telling you that he expects sexual favors 24/7 is actually one of the good guys, in the sense that he is not sufficiently aware of his own insanity to hide it from you effectively.

The bad guys are the ones who tell you what you want to hear, slowly pulling out information about you until eventually they know exactly what you want in a man. It is then that they seem to become this 'perfect man'. It's a charade, and it will come crashing down. Just hope you're in separate countries, or at least countries when it does.

Single Mothers

If you're a single mother and you state this fact on your profile, you're attracting a certain type of predator. It's true. There are men who go after single moms because single mothers have a reputation for having low self esteem and for putting out easily. If that isn't you, great, just be aware that this can be a reason for an influx of seedy men who seem to think you're just aching to leap into bed with them

Under 20? Oldie Alert

If you're on the younger side of, say, 25, you're going to be pursued by older men, say those in their fourties or so. If you're on the younger side of 20, hello Grandad! Men in their 40s, 50s and yeah, 60's will think nothing of messaging you. Why? Lord only knows. I'd advise not corresponding with these men unless you are looking for some sugar daddy arrangement.

Whilst it is true that love knows no age, once he is sated in the bedroom there is a very real chance he will start to get whiny about the fact you are not as 'mature' as him. He'll want to do 'old person' things. You won't be able to hang out as a couple with your friends. It can work out yes, but the odds only slightly better than your odds of winning lotto this weekend. Whether you bought a ticket or not.

Don't Fall In Love.

Please. For the love of all that is good, do not fall on love online. Yes, people do it and it works out okay. Some people also survive plane crashes. Falling in love over the Internet is the equivalent of parachuting into a plummeting, burning 747 and just riding that sucker down to see if you make it out alive.

By all means be attracted online, make plans to meet in a safe and public place online, but your heart is not virtual and purely online relationships have a higher chance of ending in heartbreak than any other kind of relationship.

If you're new to online dating, you're going to ignore the advice I just gave you on at least one occasion. Then you'll get a little singed and a little wiser.

The Good News (Trust Your Head, Not Your Heart)

You can meet a partner, yes a real honest to goodness life partner online. You will need to be prepared to sift through a veritable plague of frogs before that however. You'll also need to follow your head, not your heart. Hearts are fine in real world relationships with some basis to them. Online, hearts are easily mislead by false cues. Safe real world meetings are the ticket to long lasting romances, chat room fantasies are a passport to broken dreams.


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    • Hope Alexander profile imageAUTHOR

      Hope Alexander 

      9 years ago

      Destiny is an interesting concept, I don't know if it exists or not, but I would think it still pays to be safe on the journey towards it ;)

    • shamelabboush profile image


      9 years ago

      Great tips.


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